Yes, the year is winding down. No explosive posts, no race reports, not even injury description. There are topics pop up here and there, but they hardly make your heart jump with excitement - and no, I am not trying to be mean, I am just stating the facts, my own web space including:)
I've been reading a lot lately, now that my head is in the right place and has less mess of how to live my life. The biggest change is that I don't need to lie to myself what is it I want. What is it I wnat to do, to feel, to touch, who to see, where to go - it is what it is, and I am accepting it for myself. "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." (Joseph Campbell) Where was he before? Not that I didn't think this way, but why was I scared to get out of my comfort zone for so long and make a step in the direction of complete unknown? "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." That's him also. I want to be myself. I thought I was pretty clear in not trying to fit in to anybody's descriptions, but I guess I am realizing now I still longed the acceptance and twisted bits and pieces of my own character. It never produced happiness - nor in me, neither in anybody else. So here I go, "a mirror and a face in it" (Rumi), feeling my way towards new discoveries - who I am...
Sorry for the step away (oops, here I go again, what will other think?) - but may be Craig was right that sometimes we need a separate blog or a simple diary for more deep thoguhts besides the original idea of the running blog. I heard of "mail diary", when you write things down and send it to a friend, then the next person expresses feelings and sends it back or onto the next person...and circle of exchange continues indefinitely. Sounds pretty cool to me, and something has got to be done in my case, otherwise I will bore you with little running and lots of discussions:)
So, speaking of running - it's happening, and happening better and better every day. Really, not even sure what to add to my last week's post besides that I feel the progress. I even tried some kind of strides this week - on a treadmill (please, somebody get a TV in front, I am bored out of my mind watching my own form for an hour in a window!), by 1 min increments, and then next time I did my prescribied 20 min/2M hill, but this time at 5% grade. It felt tougher, no lying about it, but I made it.
I got tested for body composition - right at OHSU, it turned out, they have a Performance lab, and the cost was tiny. I was actually pleased - not "happy pleased", but enough to exhale and say - hmm, I thought it's worse, but it's a good start. While I still don't like the number on my scale a one bit, I can live with the knowledge not all of it is a flab:) but indeed the work is ahead and I better get focused if I want to have a good year of running. "The significunt problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." (Albert Einstein). I think it's one of the favorite phrases in seminars around this country, goes something like "...if you keep doing same thing you'll keep getting same result" and credits somebody else. May be all smart and famous thought in tune:) That said, looks like I have to re-think not only what I'm eating, but other little things I am doing around. One step at a time?
4.5 hrs run in Forest Park tomorrow. Should be muddy - welcome to PNW winter!
Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. (Author unknown)
I wish you all peace.