A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn....

It's gonna get harder before it gets easier. But it will get better, you just gotta make it through the hard stuff first.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Quiet around

Yes, the year is winding down. No explosive posts, no race reports, not even injury description. There are topics pop up here and there, but they hardly make your heart jump with excitement - and no, I am not trying to be mean, I am just stating the facts, my own web space including:)

I've been reading a lot lately, now that my head is in the right place and has less mess of how to live my life. The biggest change is that I don't need to lie to myself what is it I want. What is it I wnat to do, to feel, to touch, who to see, where to go - it is what it is, and I am accepting it for myself. "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." (Joseph Campbell) Where was he before? Not that I didn't think this way, but why was I scared to get out of my comfort zone for so long and make a step in the direction of complete unknown? "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." That's him also. I want to be myself. I thought I was pretty clear in not trying to fit in to anybody's descriptions, but I guess I am realizing now I still longed the acceptance and twisted bits and pieces of my own character. It never produced happiness - nor in me, neither in anybody else. So here I go, "a mirror and a face in it" (Rumi), feeling my way towards new discoveries - who I am...

Sorry for the step away (oops, here I go again, what will other think?) - but may be Craig was right that sometimes we need a separate blog or a simple diary for more deep thoguhts besides the original idea of the running blog. I heard of "mail diary", when you write things down and send it to a friend, then the next person expresses feelings and sends it back or onto the next person...and circle of exchange continues indefinitely. Sounds pretty cool to me, and something has got to be done in my case, otherwise I will bore you with little running and lots of discussions:)

So, speaking of running - it's happening, and happening better and better every day. Really, not even sure what to add to my last week's post besides that I feel the progress. I even tried some kind of strides this week - on a treadmill (please, somebody get a TV in front, I am bored out of my mind watching my own form for an hour in a window!), by 1 min increments, and then next time I did my prescribied 20 min/2M hill, but this time at 5% grade. It felt tougher, no lying about it, but I made it.

I got tested for body composition - right at OHSU, it turned out, they have a Performance lab, and the cost was tiny. I was actually pleased - not "happy pleased", but enough to exhale and say - hmm, I thought it's worse, but it's a good start. While I still don't like the number on my scale a one bit, I can live with the knowledge not all of it is a flab:) but indeed the work is ahead and I better get focused if I want to have a good year of running. "The significunt problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." (Albert Einstein). I think it's one of the favorite phrases in seminars around this country, goes something like "...if you keep doing same thing you'll keep getting same result" and credits somebody else. May be all smart and famous thought in tune:) That said, looks like I have to re-think not only what I'm eating, but other little things I am doing around. One step at a time?

4.5 hrs run in Forest Park tomorrow. Should be muddy - welcome to PNW winter!

Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. (Author unknown)

I wish you all peace.

12 comments:

  1. I'm planning to start at birch and run to saltzman and back....or something like that. Maybe I'll see you?

    Self-acceptance is a wonderful thing! : )

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  2. Hey Olga, the phrase goes like this. "If we continue to do what we always have done, we'll continue to get what we always have got". Well....something like that. Ha Ha. It's true.

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  3. i think about having a separate blog for non-running stuff too sometimes...but heck, it's my blog and a reflection of my life non-running stuff is bound to spill over...

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  4. I enjoy your running posts, but these ones that reach down into the depths of who you are and share your humanity - those are my favorites.

    Do you think it's a coincidence that as the soul is soothed the running improves? :-)

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  5. I don't think of any of our blogs as running blogs. I think of them as a place to exress ourselves, and that one of those ways is through running.

    I often find myself asking parents in my classes why they keep trying the same response to their child over and over. For instance, a little one won't brush their teeth, so every night they give a time-out or shout. But nothing changes...why keep trying something that doesn't work? Sometimes it's hard to get out of the old mind set and into the new. You've done it! Peace to you too.

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  6. Running is a part of us, physically and in our philosophy. I love and admire your openess and try to follow your example of expression. A lifetime of being introspective and the traditional male training is hard to reverse. Running and runner friends are helping me explore a more open and vulnerable style and soften the protective layers I have built over the years. To balanace that with the good qualities of being XY is the challenge.

    Thank you for being Olga

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  7. What makes a runner, Olga? It can't be seperated - what's in your soul and what you do.
    As a runner, I think I like this post of yours the best.

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  8. Beautiful quote about peace, Olga. I'd never heard that one. Thanks for sharing it!

    Hope you had a good slog in the mud yesterday. Liz, Kamm, and I (and our 4-leggeds Apollo and Odin) got out there for 3 hours. The rain never really let up, did it? Ah, the PNW! Have a great week.

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  9. I hope you don't mind me ranting a bit here ... but can we all PLEASE stop this talk of separate blogs? I love Craig's combination of spirituality and running. I love your psychological demons and family drama and how they impact your running exploits. I love hearing everyone's unique perspective on a sport which at first glance appears remarkably uninteresting, but grows in complexity the more you learn about it.

    If we all just wrote about how many miles we ran and what we had for dinner last night, that would get pretty boring in a hurry. Beasides, I don't want to have to visit twice as many blogs as I do now. So let's all stop this crazy talk.

    OK, I'm done. (Stepping off soapbox now ... ) Thanks for your time.

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  10. Honestly - I like readaing about the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat...both in life and sport.

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  11. Hi sweet Olga. Your post sounds peaceful. Peace is so nice, isn't it? It's nice to check in on you here and read your thoughts. Please keep it up! (and I will get back up and "running" on my blog again soon too...)

    And I thought that was the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. :)

    I love the Campbell quote: "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

    Yep...I'm learning still...

    Love ya'!

    -Lisa

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