Apparently, for the most part I only have runners friends. While it's not that my running buddies are not wonderful, it does make me stop and think: is running all I am? Or am I more? Is that all you are? And why are we not talking about other sides of our persona's? Aren't we friends?
My return to Facebook was pretty odd - I see now why I left it for over 3 years. Yes, it is absolutely a great tool to keep up with all your friends quick and simultaneously, and I enjoyed catching up. Engagements, weddings, traveling. But as before, I find I spend time looking at updates not productive at all. Yet it has its pull. At least I didn't fall into racking up the number of "friends" I have. Gotta be real here.
Identity. I am about to turn 43, and there is gotta be more to me than being good at making through a mountain 100M race. I can do more things, and talk about books, and know a thing or few. But it almost looks like I got no-one to share it with. I am sad. Where do you meet people if all you do is go to work, cook for family, and train/run? What am I doing wrong?
I am trying to step aside. I am training hard, daily, and have goals. But I am bored talking about it. I don't think anyone would like to hear about another treadmill workout that was tough, but felt better than the previous one? How I got humbled at a local 5k race, first in about 9 years? God, I thought I was about to die! Had to lie down on a bench after finish and got scared I would faint.
We do things we are comfortable with. As human being, at some point, as we get older, challenging ourselves gets really rare. We get in a rut. (And if you believe running another 50 miler is a challenge, look the truth into its eyes. It only is when it's your first. Then it's a familiar territory).
Anyhow, I know a person or few who inspire me to occasionally venture from the comfort zone. Thank you. I'll keep my eyes focused on you.
I'll keep my eyes focused on me. My family. My life.
I volunteered at a Tejas Trails night race. You know, the usual, serving, figuring problems, yelling to go on and finish...so many new folks came to sport, crazy, and it's Texas! Exploding of trail running is good that it gets folks off their butts. But I hope that new generation will not be complacent with simply staying where they are.
Complacency is like a slow death. If you're not moving forward, you're been pulled back - the Earth rotates, don't fall off!
Challenges. We have so many of those often when we don't ask for them. Getting laid off work when you're past your hiring prime is scary. Working on a new marriage. Raising kids - holly cow, this is nuts! Where are their brains? Why is it every year kids as a mass get so eager to just float by and yet ask for more in return from life? Entitlement. Generation of "everybody gets a trophy".
Nope. Even in our beloved trail ultrarunning, there is a timing clock, and the order of finishers. Strive. Even if just against yourself.
Somehow, despite the raffles that the ocean of life sends, and even storms rolling quite often, I am in a good head space.
I think I am growing up.
It's a little unnerving. But it's about time.