I want to be challenged, and not in a way that says "tough it out" - I know I can do that.
I want to feel that I can push the pace at the end of the race, not just "hang in there".
I want to get faster - may be even somewhere close to where I was when I started.
I want to visit new venues for races and actually see the whole course, not only half of it that comes in a daylight.
I want to not be influenced by doing what is expected of me.
I want to train properly, not half-ass it in hot, humid, flat and not very exciting TX (when it comes to new, various and long trails).
I want to take Larry to many places just to visit.
I want to grow my toenails back.
The sport evolves. So do I. It's been long coming in a process. Leap of faith or a thorough thinking process, but here I am. I'll be training for a BQ marathon and carry it on into 50M races that do not involve an insane amount of rugged terrain and high number of elevation change. I already gotten efficient in those. I had perfected the suffering, it's time to learn the real push. It's got to the point of loosing excitement, and that is a scary thought.
I want to learn how to run long and hard.
These were my thoughts in the last 30 miles of Blackhills 100, the week that followed and on an hour-plus run yesterday, where I got lost and laughed like a child. It was liberating and freeing.
I can make a choice. It is my choice.
I love to run. I love trails. I love to be the best I can possibly be.
It's a new dawn on a horizon.