An unexpected beauty of Arkansas.

We drove to Arkansas for Christmas weekend. It was close enough to drive for a few day's trip, and I've never been to Arkansas. It surprised us as soon as we crossed the border...it had mountains (may be not high for West of Rocky spoiled folks, but great views for those of us from Texas!), pretty trails (with a taste of why Ozark 100 is so slow of a run), little gems of small towns with Bath Houses and hot springs and Historical Downtowns reminding you Swiss villages dating back to 19th century, and winding roads. It was peaceful. You should give a shot and discover something special right under your nose.

More photos to enjoy.

p.s. I reached 2000 miles for the year. That was my tiny goal once I came back to running, again, after a 6 months hiatus. It included a more than allowed per doctor miles a week before the trip (what threw my recovery a bit back), as well as a couple of runs on early mornings around parking lot of the motels near the highway...yeah, hmm, that was something. I don't remember running that many (not many) miles, ever since I started logging it in. In 2003 it was already 2215 miles. So...well. I intend to continue to be on a roll, no matter what, and plan on some laps around airport terminals and frosty-cold Moscow dark-street runs while my day-night is all upside-down. With that, I bid goodbye, and off to Mother-Russia (which is not the same as home-sweet home) for New Year's. I see y'all on the other side, in 2012!

Thoughts on the run.

I've been changing lots lately. Inside. Came across these words at Keira's blog and stole them to share with y'all. Happy holidays. Be true. And that is so me!

1.       There comes a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up.  It’s realizing you don’t need certain people and things and the drama they bring.

2.      If a person wants to be a part of your life they will make an obvious effort to do so.  Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.

3.      If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh you down – which is not always as obvious and easy as it sounds.

4.      Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.

5.       Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You don’t fail by falling down.  You fail by never getting back up. 

6.       Everyone basically wants the same things.  They want validation, love, happiness, fulfillment and hopes for a better future.  The way they pursue these desires is where things branch off, but the fundamentals are the same.  

7.       The more things you own, the more your things own you.  Less truly gives you more freedom.  

8.      While you’re busy looking for the perfect person, you’ll probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy.  It’s about being exactly who you are and then finding someone who appreciates that, and shares that with you.

9.      Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.

10.   Making a thousand friends is not a miracle.  A miracle is making one friend who will stand by your side when thousands are against you.

11.    Someone will always be better looking.  Someone will always be smarter.  Someone will always be more charismatic.  But they will never be you.

12.   Making progress involves risk.  Period.  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

13.   Every morning you are faced with two choices:  You can aimlessly stumble through the day not knowing what’s going to happen and simply react to events at a moment’s notice, or you can go through the day directing your own life and making your own decisions and destiny.  

14.   Everyone makes mistakes.  If you can’t forgive others, don’t expect others to forgive you. 

15.    It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is ok.  

16.   We sometimes do things that are permanently damaging just because we are temporarily upset.  A lot of heartache can be avoided if you learn to control your emotions.

17.    Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.  There are many roads to what’s right.  Remember to: sometimes it's just easier to have peace than be right. 

18.   Nobody is perfect, and nobody deserves to be perfect.  Nobody has it easy.  You never know what people are going through.  Every one of us has issues.  So don’t belittle yourself or anyone else.  Everybody is fighting their own unique war.

19.   A smile doesn’t always mean a person is happy.  Sometimes it simply means they are strong enough to face their problems.

20.  The happiest people I know keep an open mind to new ideas and ventures, use their leisure time as a means of mental development, and love good music, good books, good pictures, good company and good conversation.  

21.   You can’t take things too personally.  Rarely do people do things because of you.  They do things because of them.

22.  Feelings change, people change, and time keeps rolling.  You can hold on to past mistakes or you can create your own happiness.  True happiness comes from within.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy.

23.  It’s much harder to change the length of your life than it is to change the depth of it.

24.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

25.   When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.

26.  One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.

27.   Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  Read 

28.  Share your life with someone who truly shares in your life. "Those that play together stay together". 

29.  Everything is a life lesson.  Everyone you meet, everything you encounter, etc.  They’re all part of the learning experience we call ‘life.’  Never forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don’t go your way.  If you don’t get a job that you wanted or a relationship doesn’t work, it only means something better is out there waiting.  And the lesson you just learned is the first step towards it.

30.  Regardless of how filthy your past has been, your future is still spotless.  Don’t start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday.  Every day is a fresh start.   Every morning we wake up is the first day of the rest of our life.

Doing the ground work, laying out the base.

I've been running. Oh, my God, I can't believe I am saying it. It is painful, slow and pretty short, but it is consistent and extremely enjoyable. Being "laid off" from it for so darn long had totally changed my perspective - or, rather, opened my own eyes on what really is important. I am going at 10 min/mile pace, at time average 9's, and I am not even blinking my eyes. I am loving every moment of it. I go out without a strict plan in the darkness of the morning, only approximately knowing which direction I want to explore today, and I move with the tunes of my i-pod and my breaths. Totally liberating. I have no plans, no workouts, no mileage, just time, dark streets and footfalls. I don't even want to go to the gym anymore - I just want to be out and run...

With all that is happening in ultra-world (or at least in ultra-blogs), and in the lives of the world in general, and in my own personal life, doing just that, a simple run, is best thing ever imagined. I allows me to feel free to express what I think. Most importantly, first and foremost, to myself. Once I figure that out, I go and say it out loud. Sometimes it's scary, extremely so. But the aftermath is amazing. I feel lifted. The burden of pleasing and being afraid is slowly getting shed. I am me. And my running supports me. We're going to be ok...

34 miles last week, might hit 40 this one. Will try to go on trails - uneven footing is still not really my strong suit. 9 miles being my longest run, I feel the loss of endurance. Funny, huh...right now it is hard to picture I am planning to participate in 50M and 100M adventures...but I had never been more patient in my thought process. As the feeling of general tiredness and slight aching comes down upon me somewhere by the end of an hour, I keep my smile on. I turn to the hill, and my pace slows down to practically a halt. I put my head down and plow through, not taking a single official walking step, still with a smile. I am thinking back when my runs were 2 and 3 miles. And then when I did my first "long" one at that, and how it felt. 8 miles was a victory. As it should be.

I can not even pretend to imagine I might be permanently removed from running. It really isn't that important how fast and what place anymore. As long as I give my honest effort on any given day. As long as I am doing it, for me, no-one else to judge it, to care for it. Makes me free. Makes me strong. Makes me simply alive.

2012. Bring it on.

p.s. Worth reading.

I can see the light at the end of a tunnel.

It's not painless, but I can run, and I can deal with the level of pain I am in, and when in the doctor's office and he is digging with his thumbs into my foot to break a scar tissue, there are times I think he is not as strong as he used to be, and then there are times that instead of wanting to kick him with my foot in the face I simply bite my knuckles. I guess it's getting better...

And with that comes hope, dreams and smiles. Plans begin to roll in my head. Races to register for. Workouts to have done. Foods to eliminate from my daily routine. Gym workouts get tougher. Rolls of fat that jiggle around my belly get less obvious. I am more incline to focus on good stuff than on bad...

It's amazing how much of my life depends on whether or not I run. But then why am I surprised. It's been around for longer than anything else was ever constant in my life. It is something I depend on as some depend on comfort food or baby blanket. It is so real, I can basically palpate it, taste it and smell it. And so I embrace...

The summer plans are coming along. The disappointment of not getting into Hardrock was short lived. I am thinking I need to go back to Tahoe Rim 100 and get that beautiful buckle - I don't like unfinished business. I am hoping it won't happen next year (stopping for being bored that is). It also dawned on me that one of the long-trail fastpacking treks I wanted to do was Tahoe Rim Trail 165M, so we are kind of have this idea of rolling it all into one vacation - make TRT100, sleep for a day, then take a week to complete the circle. I am excited beyond believe.

There are couple of shorter races I registered for, both first-time events, both promise to be delightful, each in places we'd love to go. I also might throw my name into San Diego 100 hat just to see if the 24 hrs could be in the cards - while Larry is still awaiting on his WS100 lottery results (no big hopes, I don't think either one of us is a lucky bastard come lotteries). And, speaking of no luck, I am not delusional, but not going to deny I may try HR100 hat again, although I won't be putting much faith in it. Whenever. Whatever. It is gorgeous out there, and it is fun to squeeze those mining miles into 48 hrs...

After July - there is still lots of dreaming. I don't think those of us that love adventure will ever run out of things to do and places to go to. And because of that, we better keep in shape.

Body remembers.

They say "it's like riding a bike". I wouldn't know, I don't ride a bicycle. But I run. Sometimes more, at time not at all. In the last dozen of days, I did 3 miles with a lot of pain, 4 miles not painless but with less pain that I anticipated, a freakishly unexpected 6 miles on a hilliest route I mapped for future "real training" with crap-loads of foot pain but absolutely floating above the ground and a 4 easy miles in moderate aching.

That 6 miles was a total high for me. It reminded me why I love it so much. And that my body knows how it's done. It allowed me to hope, with time, when I heal, I can come back and run with joy again.

But life is not without sad things. And today it made me cry. I didn't make a Hardrock lottery. I guess I didn't expect to, with an 8% chance (or something like this), but I had this slight glimpse of hope, and it got crashed. Not that there are no other races, or that Hardrock will be gone following years. But this next season this was the only run I really wanted to have done. Because this was my last time I was applying for it. Because I know I have a much better time in me than the one I posted in 2009, and I wanted to learn what that time really is - by myself, alone. But in following years, as the years click away, the atmosphere changes, and spending 2 weeks in a very beautiful place but with a feeling that I don't belong goes against my core values. So, this was my last chance to still catch a tail-end of what I remember when I entered Hardrock in 2007. And now it's gone...

Time to shake that odd feeling, to focus on healing and pick different goals. Time to remind my body how nice it is to go for a run:)

Don't feel sorry for yourself if you have chosen the wrong road--turn around!
Edgar Cayce
 
When you find yourself overpowered, as it were, by melancholy, the best way is to go out and do something.
John Keble

p.s. let me clarify some view points. I've been to Hardrock for 5 years now, in one capacity or another. It is a lot of time commitment (precious vacation of which I don't have much every year, as well as time away from kids and home) and money spent in 2 weeks. It is also emotionally difficult and unfair to wait for the lottery Gods to ditch me, yet again, before making plans for the year, racing, exploring, or other family vacations. Not to mention there are so many places we want to visit, at some point I just need to step back from going to the same place, no matter how beautiful. I gave myself a word it'll be last time I go to HR camp. That's why I was so sad. But we already began to figure out our season, and it's going to be a blast! Time to move on.