When something bad happens, you have three choices: let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.

The heart of the difference is not ability or even talent, but desire

The purpose of life is to discover and develop your gift. The meaning of life comes from sharing your gift with others. - David Viscott

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Doing the ground work, laying out the base.

I've been running. Oh, my God, I can't believe I am saying it. It is painful, slow and pretty short, but it is consistent and extremely enjoyable. Being "laid off" from it for so darn long had totally changed my perspective - or, rather, opened my own eyes on what really is important. I am going at 10 min/mile pace, at time average 9's, and I am not even blinking my eyes. I am loving every moment of it. I go out without a strict plan in the darkness of the morning, only approximately knowing which direction I want to explore today, and I move with the tunes of my i-pod and my breaths. Totally liberating. I have no plans, no workouts, no mileage, just time, dark streets and footfalls. I don't even want to go to the gym anymore - I just want to be out and run...

With all that is happening in ultra-world (or at least in ultra-blogs), and in the lives of the world in general, and in my own personal life, doing just that, a simple run, is best thing ever imagined. I allows me to feel free to express what I think. Most importantly, first and foremost, to myself. Once I figure that out, I go and say it out loud. Sometimes it's scary, extremely so. But the aftermath is amazing. I feel lifted. The burden of pleasing and being afraid is slowly getting shed. I am me. And my running supports me. We're going to be ok...

34 miles last week, might hit 40 this one. Will try to go on trails - uneven footing is still not really my strong suit. 9 miles being my longest run, I feel the loss of endurance. Funny, huh...right now it is hard to picture I am planning to participate in 50M and 100M adventures...but I had never been more patient in my thought process. As the feeling of general tiredness and slight aching comes down upon me somewhere by the end of an hour, I keep my smile on. I turn to the hill, and my pace slows down to practically a halt. I put my head down and plow through, not taking a single official walking step, still with a smile. I am thinking back when my runs were 2 and 3 miles. And then when I did my first "long" one at that, and how it felt. 8 miles was a victory. As it should be.

I can not even pretend to imagine I might be permanently removed from running. It really isn't that important how fast and what place anymore. As long as I give my honest effort on any given day. As long as I am doing it, for me, no-one else to judge it, to care for it. Makes me free. Makes me strong. Makes me simply alive.

2012. Bring it on.

p.s. Worth reading.

6 comments:

  1. Saw you running GH this morning as I was about to turn into the neighborhood. You looked happily focused :) So happy that we had the random dinner date with y'all the other day. We need to do that more often!

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  2. Yay! You have worked through it and come over the hump. So happy to hear you are feeling better and not in so much pain. Enjoy the refocus.

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  3. I still run only 10-25M/wk and no ambition. We sure find out who our real peeps are when we're no longer a rock-star. I guess our real friends never stop thinking we're rock-stars. Running is a great outlet for stress. Leave-it-on-the-trail. It's a goo life. Nice to hear you're still in the swing of things.

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  4. I love your attitude! Injuries suck but they sure do help peel away the layers and help us discover what is real. Sort of like a re-set. Hope you keep feeling better & better!

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  5. Glad to see your positivity coming back. I still remember you helping me recover at the Shoe. Your kind and positive words certainly helped. Stay positive and good things will come. Hope to see you again on the trails. I'll be running Hells Hills the day you run Cedro. Enjoy the adventure!

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  6. Oh yes, I can totally relate! Little victories of running with less pain, no pain, for 3 miles at a time become major milestones when coming back from a set back. These experiences truly bring us back to the simplicity of running and why we do it and why we love it and want it/need it in our lives. I'm so glad you are feeling better!

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