By past Friday, just under 2 weeks of this non-sense, I entered severe and out-of-nowhere depression, snarled at Larry and the kids, almost quit my job and - screw it all! - walked home from work yesterday. 6 miles of it. In an hour and half. Not bad, slower than normal, but I'll take it. It was 105F and some, direct son, hot asphalt, crazy cars - and I was smiling! I was born to be outside! I mean, weight training 6 times a week to the point I can't lift my arms to drive home is all nice and stuff, but I can NOT live without moving repetitively and methodically OUTSIDE! So, there, I said it. I am going for a trail hike tomorrow. It's my Father's day gift to me:) If I managed to dream on about my next 3 races to squeeze before the year ends, tomorrow, I am sure, I'll come up with the idea on the rest of next season, a.k.a. year 2012, full steam. That means, break is over, 2 weeks - and I am done. Time to focus.
Larry is back to training, and I almost hate him too. He is complaining how bad it is to run outside these days. I feel for him - NOT! He gets to run outside! Just a few more weeks, like, may be 2 or 3, and all bets are off. In fact, when we go to Hardrock camp on July 1st, we are hiking, marking the course, and yes, very possibly pacing too - so I better heal. No questions allowed on that front.
Life has been nuts. Every night is something. Sadly, my "real job" is staled, nothing is working, and my next presentation is August 11th. Like, can I even grow a cell or clone a DNA in this short time, yet along make it in some direction that is expected? So, I am stressed. My "other vocation" is blooming and booming, without my participation (well, so to speak, I do have something to do with it, you know, hands on and stuff). I thought I'd take summer easy, didn't run any promo - and I keep getting booked. I was out every night past week (ok, once I was visiting my girlfriend). I'll be out 3 nights next week (plus taking Stephen to the airport, plus going to the dude who keeps our finances in order). Love 'em, my folks! I may be tired, but I get set up, put my hands on the body - and I heal along with each of them...I had 3 clients before lunch just today - and that was after I had an hour with personal trainer and an hour on cardio torture machine. When is life going to happen? Oh, wait, this IS my life:) I cried myself to sleep last night, telling Larry I want to marry a millionaire and never have to lift my finger again. He said I'd be bored in about a day and half - if I can handle it that long. He is probably right. I feel all better today:)
The only thing more important than being good is being real. Authenticity is kinder than resignation without conviction. Truth leads to good faster than good leads to truth. Ultimately truth is good, but you have to live it from the inside out.Alan Cohen
Stop the mindless wishing that things would be different. Rather than wasting time and emotional and spiritual energy in explaining why we don't have what we want, we can start to pursue other ways to get it.