I often get asked - and then lounge into explanation why is that I blog. Or why do I do emails. Why do I write - by the way, I never kept a diary.
There is a book I am reading now, "Write it down, make it happen". I'll look at the author later. It doesn't matter. I just had an urge to write for a moment. You know, when somebody tells me that my race reports and stories are engaging - I always say, I have very little idea what I'll write about and how it'll turn out. I say that I have my mind at the tip of my fingers. In fact, I had thoughts how I would start this post - and I am just bubbling now instead.
Yesterday I used a suggestion from this book to put down my goals - random, without thinking, without prioritizing, those far in the future and those hopefully much closer. The idea is when you see it on paper (screen) - you arrange steps to achieve them instead of been fearful.
Earlier today I found out Alex has been lying to me still and sneaking out for some things he shouldn't be. Not in "OMG, WTF" type of things, but it doesn't matter. Am I glad I put down in writing the rules and consequences. It doesn't make decisions any easier, but it does make me focus on thinking how to take steps for those decisions as opposed to frantically searching for options.
Back at Miwok when I had that call from ex raging and threatening and just plain crazy, while I WAS making immediate steps I could, I felt angry/frustrated/scared/sad and so on up until 3:30am. At that time I set down at the computer and wrote him an email. I didn't send it out, just saved it, and I had not said a single bad word in it, but I did outlined the steps in it I am ready to take for the future. I felt that much calmer.
Yesterday I finally looked up at Jemez 50M race website. My, what a nutcase of a run! Between 8,000 and over 10,000 feet (going up there 3 times), with total of 12,000 feet of gain, rugged trails, possibility of pulmonary edema (see my Leadville DNF), and it snowed there today! Gail claims it should take us at least 14 hrs to make it to the finish. When I work on a pace chart, I don't go backwards - I start from mile 1, look at elevation change and mileage and write down numbers that pop to my head, no science. I came up with 13 hrs. I have no expectation on it to really happen (after all, Zane Grey only had 11,000 feet of gain, it was lower in altitude, and it took me 12 and 13 hrs on each try), yet this is how I wrote my plan for Saturday.
I always was a "slave to lists" to "check" things off it. If my boss doesn't put it in writing and only tells me what to do - I won't do half of it, and I warned him at first interview and keep saying it all the time. I do carry a paper with pen when talk to him, but if he catches me in a hallway - he can forget he told me anything. Same goes for daily tasks. I may not return your call either if you don't email me to remind:)
This is totally random. Why write things down? It brings clarity to my head. Without putting it down I have a mess, a bunch of emotions, a "no direction", just something fuzzy. Once written in - even as random as they are now - I can think about it in order. Yup, I know it doesn't make sense to you what I just did, but it makes total sense to me.
By the way, it's not only me who thinks writing brings clarity. Apparently, it's a world old-known technique. Wish I read it earlier, I wouldn't have felt weird all this time! :)
Wasatach Goat Team t-shirts didn't make it on time for my race. Bummer, it would have suiting to wear THAT name running on THOSE mountains.
Donald laughs at me when I scold him with my WS100 comments - I should be a coach and get paid for cracking the whip. I should. I want to. It's on my list. Along with Gail's idea of training out-of-shape regular folks to start exercise and eating program. By the way, 12 total pounds down, I need to do some shopping (if find time and money). Along with Monika's idea to open yoga studio with her. And to become a personal trainer. And to quit academic science and move into something that will have me work with people, not with stupid tubes and pipette tips. Did I mention I wanted to learn French a long time ago? And take professional dance lessons? Gain back my fitness level eventually and run half-ass-2005? Organize about 5 more trail races in OR? I bet some of you even guessed what was number 1 on my list...Oh, yeah, it is all random, you ARE aware of it, right?
I have 3 greatest friends in the world. It is Mike, Gail and Monika. I want to thank them for always been here for me.
Stephen is so upset his Mother's day gift is not finished on time, it makes this present that much sweeter! He is sad I won't see it when it's ready tomorrow...
Alex has to make his own choices. Life is a continuous thread of decision making. Every day, every moment, you need to stop, think and make a decision. And then next minute (and often second) make another one. Never a lazy, dull moment. I know I am responsible for every one, even not so very "perfect, correct and right" one myself.
Now I can go to sleep. May be I'll delete it tomorrow before I leave. I did say I am going to New Mexico for a race, didn't I?
Friday: Morning is wiser than night (yet another Russian saying). It's a beautiful day outside. And how is that for my Saturday prediction?
Today the challenges that you face are more mental than physical. You'll have to know what is right for you and stick to your plans. A good thing for you to remember is that you do have the strength to stay committed to what you want. You have a huge amount of strength inside of you, although you might have to go deep in order to find it! Time is on your side, so there is no need to push yourself too hard. Just take it slow, and you will make it!
Have a wonderful weekend, guys.