When something bad happens, you have three choices: let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.

The heart of the difference is not ability or even talent, but desire

The purpose of life is to discover and develop your gift. The meaning of life comes from sharing your gift with others. - David Viscott

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Being a parent - how difficult, yet wonderfully fulfilling...

Dear Mom, Dad, Stephen and As'ka (cat). Hey, how are you guys doing? I am doing alright here. I have to admit that when I was talking to you on the phone, I got really lightheaded, because I couldn't believe that I was hearing your and Dad's voices. It was amazing and it went a lot better than expected. I thought you guys would yell at me, beacuse a bunch of my friends here told me that their first phone call sucked. Ha!! They were wrong about that!

A bunch of people here went to a seminar called PC-1 today, where they got to see their parents. We all got to meet their parents when they brought them back to the cabin. Seeing all these kids really happy being reunited with their parents, I got really jealous ansd missed you guys even more than usual. Even as I am writing this letter right now, my mood is changing to sad as I miss you more and more. It's like a large part of jigsaw puzzle is missing.

I wish I hadn't made the choices that I made. I hate myself for making them. Shit, I am crying right now and can't stop myself...I miss you guys so much and I look at the pictures of you guys every day, multiple times. I love you guys.


Stephen had his first game of baseball last night. It was so much fun, I screamed so loud, I scared Oleg away! (He's never been a a ball game before where you know the rules and players, so it's more personal). The team lost, but Stephen scored one and went to first base two more times - incredible considering 2 months ago he never played in his life. He was so happy and kept saying how much he LOVES baseball, more than anything before, and his face was glowing. How proud he is to wear uniform (that he wears it all the time besides school). We need to find a baseball camp for summer...

He goes home and reads a letter from his brother. A minute he is quiet, then bursts into tears...serious crying. Unstoppable. Whatever differences they had and however he was hurt, all forgotten. He wants his brother back, his blood and soul, his role model, his Big Brother...And he tells everyone around how ALex is coming back a New Man...

And we hug Stephen. And cry to. We just can't extend our arms far enough to hug Alex...as he sits there, all alone, on a bunk-bed, reading our letters and looking at the pictures...how I wish I could just touch him, just for a second...

I always said I have great kids. Kind, smart, loving, passionate...When you look into their eyes, you just see so much love...One had just hidden it deep inside for a bit, covered with some dust, and now, as the spring comes, the fresh rain washes this dust away, layer by layer...


  1. Olga, I can't think of the words to express what I'm feeling. I'm so happy for your family, and especially for Alex.

  2. What a wonderful letter from Alex. Tell Stephen congratulations on his first ball game. And to you, don't scare all the other mothers away with all your yelling.

  3. This sacrifice your doing will worth the shame...

    Thanks for sharing this with us, Olga, send you love.

  4. Beautiful letter from Alex.

    Best to Stephen on the game.

    I get the feeling you are one strong family... inside and out.

  5. Beautiful post Olga. You touch us all with the heartfelt words. I think the sun is shining through the clouds...

  6. That's a very touching letter from Alex. I'm so happy for you and your family - all of you are so very strong.

  7. What a different place you all are at than in the beginning. I know there is nothing that could make your day like that phone call and letter. I know there are great days ahead for you guys. Hope you have a great weekend and a great trip to see family in Russia.

  8. Stephen's letter got me all teary eyed, so sweet.

    So happy it's all working out for the better. And what a great baseball star, just imagine how well he does once he gets more practice in.

  9. How cool to read about how baseball is for a child that didnt grow up with it. We Americans have a lot to learn. Thanks for the lesson. As for your screaming at the games...that's the REAL test of being American!! :)

    And, hey....You're an awesome Mom--your boys are lucky to have you as their first love!

  10. this had me in tears the first time I read it, then blogger wouldn't let me comment...argh!

    beautiful post.