When something bad happens, you have three choices: let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.

The heart of the difference is not ability or even talent, but desire

The purpose of life is to discover and develop your gift. The meaning of life comes from sharing your gift with others. - David Viscott

Monday, February 06, 2006

Latest runs and such.

For some reason the post I had on Friday had disappeared. Anyway, it was boring, describing Thursday miserable 2 hr run to work along traffic roads and Friday 2.5 hr run on trails, much better for the soul.
Saturday I guess I can call a day off. We drove off for 9 hrs to take Alex to his new home. I won't go into details, but I actually liked the setting and what this scholl provides. So the whole day was very draining emotionally for all of us. I called the school today, and he is OK, safe and sound.
Sunday was spent driving back, but I did make it on time to put a 3 hr run, finishing in a dark. Needed to clear up my mind. Even managed to do a few 15 min pick ups, and the last 7 miles were spent on roads at a very swift pace.
Looks like Oleg and I have a hard time adjusting to the whole change and blame game, and will need to work on our attitude. Not a bad idea from him - to start working on ourselves and our relashionship first. Been married for over 16 years and everyday tasks leave us with little romance and why are we actually doing it. He is right. Everything had become dull and not interesting. We got sucked in to a sleep-work-drive-run-eat-sleep routine, and the excitement got lost in a process. Now we need to find it again. Suggestions? From singles and those wh kept the spark alive after years together?

6 comments:

  1. I knew there was a post that dissappeared. I think blogger was having some problems on Saturday.

    I hope you and Oleg can find the spark again. Me and Jessica still have a spark, but I am not sure we have any real secrets. I suppose both of us knowing that it is an important part of keeping our marriage a happy one and not ignoring each other is always a good start. It probably helps that I can't keep my hands off of her as well.

    I will pray that everything goes well with Alex and all that is happening right now.

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  2. I hope things work out for Alex and you - it sounds draining to have had to drive 9 hours both ways to drop him off!

    Johnny and I have been married 10 years now, and I went through a reflective process in December when we hit our 10 year anniversary. I think the most important things that kept us together (and it was hard to stay together at times) were:
    1) trust
    2) realizing that we are each others' allies, not enemies
    3) trust
    4) support for each other
    5) trust
    6) making an effort - not taking each other for granted, and trying to reach out with no ulterior motive other than to express love
    7) did I mention trust?

    and finally, most importantly,
    8) loving ourselves first and foremost - I've found that you can't really love anyone else, if you don't first love yourself

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  3. A nice idea is having a "date" evening every 2 or 3 weeks. No kids, no other people, just you and your husband, a nice romantic dinner, and whatever else you fancy.

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  4. Your posts are never boring.

    I've been married for 25 years to the woman I adore. I'm no expert. Just learning as I make the journey through life like everybody else.

    A lot of marriages seem to go through a time of change and transition somewhere around 15 years. Couples who work through this time of difficulty often find many more happy years together on the other side.

    Here are my suggestions:

    (1) Make a list of the reasons why you loved your mate in the beginning. Sometimes we need to be reminded why we entered into the relationship. If you can get those reasons down on paper then you will likely find the spark that motivates you to work on your relationship.

    (2) Attack the problems not each other. Attacking each other only wastes energy that should be spent in finding solutions. Playing the blame game is never a constructive way to work on the relationship.

    (3) Forgive and forget. Couples can either spend time rehashing the past or they can work on building their present and future together. But in my experience you can't do both at the same time. We can't change the past. What a shame it would be to waste the present focused on something we can't do anything about. Once you forgive your spouse there is no longer a need to play the blame game.

    (4) We tend to receive back what we are willing to give in the relationship. Don't wait for your partner to change before you do. Give to your spouse what you'd like to receive and you will increase your odds of getting what you desire.

    (5) Nothing brings me joy and fulfillment like knowing that my wife is fulfilled. She supports me in everything I do and I try to support her in her pursuits. This commitment keeps us close.

    (6) People often talk as if marriage is a 50/50 proposition. In school 50% is a failing grade. Marriage works best when both parties are giving 100% (their best).

    Hope this helps.

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  5. wow, great posts.....thanks everyone and to Olga for having the honesty to begin it.

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