When something bad happens, you have three choices: let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.

The heart of the difference is not ability or even talent, but desire

The purpose of life is to discover and develop your gift. The meaning of life comes from sharing your gift with others. - David Viscott

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Can I be more stupid?

Well, mu guess would be a "yes", and I am sure soon too. But for now, obsessive-compulsive, that my friends labeled me today, was a very mild description of what I did. Yesterday I had decided to see how bad I feel by going to the gym and doing some 40 min of stair master. I was pouring cold sweat all over since moment I took a first step. That should have been a sign, no? Not for me. Even though my coach bluntly told me to hold back for at least another two days to gain back some strength after all that fever, and I was still coughing uncontrollably, I had set out on a 15 mile loop with my two most faithful running buddies - Gail and Mike. I warned them I'd be slow, and why didn't it scare them? May be they didn't believe me? I don't think I expected to get what I did. We started trudging on trail, and for the first 3-4 miles or so I was somewhat OK, laboring, but managing even little slog on uphill and a small talk. Then I started taking walk breaks on those ups. And they were getting longer every time. I was still running (hmm, hate the "j" word, but it was more of that than running) down and began feeling this weird "shaky knees" sensation, since every time my foot hit the ground, the legs didn't have enough power to stabilize and buckled a bit. The breathing had become insanely tougher with every moment. Waiting for me at the next intersection, guys decided to cut the loop shorter. They didn't like the idea of carrying me out of muddy narrow trails. Surprisingly, despite my big ego, I complied. Sometimes I do make right choices...like once a year. There was mine for 2006. It was made too late though, because we still had quite a way back, and by now flat portions felt like that Leadville 100 for me. Gail and Mike would run on, then turn around and retrace to see if I am still alive. Mike was reminding me of Wasatch 100, where he saved me from dying of hypothermia (OK, may be I would have survived, but surely DNFed without him). And then the sky opened up and the buckets of water with some hail began to pour on us. Honestly, I didn't feel very hot before that either. I kept urging them on to make it to the car since my pace was so pathetic, but what are good friends for, if not to suffer for another idiot? That is exactly what I love ultra running for! Last two miles we spread out a bit, I actually managed to slowly run it in (flat and decline segment that it was), and without feeling any of my toes, fingers or other sticking out parts of the body squeezed into a car to change. They said they didn't hate me, but swore to tell me to "f* off" when come up with new ideas, as well as promised to call me every hour to keep me away from going back to running in the following week. The good thing is, despite the misery he had to endure with me, Mike had expressed an interest to join Gail in pacing/crewing duties for me at WS100 this year. Whoo-hoo for crazy people, who love putting miles on muddy/rocky/root covered trails no matter what the weather throws at us!! Now I just have to email my coach, admit my total incompetence and succumb to her knowledge of how gain back my strength for next week's race. And I promise I'll behave! At least for a week:)
OK, now I am totally spent and will write my thoughts on recently read running book later.


  1. Why don't you ever bonk like that when we run together?

  2. Ugh, I know it's hard to stay home and rest like you're suppose to.

  3. You are a tough cookie! :) I hope you get better fast for your race!

  4. With such addiction for running I can see why you can't stay home...

  5. You have totally encouraged me !!!

    I have for along time wanted to get into shape and eventually run .
    I have come close only to have life step in the way ( cute life mind you , 4 babies in 4 1/2 years :)and then a diagnosis of fybromyalgia ( that turned out to be adrenal exhaustion). I am almost 36 years old and have quite a bit of weight to lose. I love to read blogs of people who are 'there', it really encourages me.

    I enjoyed what you have written so far.

    Lisa from Vancouver Island