When something bad happens, you have three choices: let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.
The heart of the difference is not ability or even talent, but desire
The purpose of life is to discover and develop your gift. The meaning of life comes from sharing your gift with others. - David Viscott
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The weekend turned out to be a more hectic thing than I thought it'd be, but I won't get into details. Not only timewise and physically, but emotionally (with the responsibility thing). We ran less than planned - 21 miles on Sunday due to my need to be back home to kids by a certain time, and I was OK with that since the legs felt heavy and it was a pure mental battle to will them to run. The time wasn't bad at all, but it seemed I had to focus extra and "talk" myself into moving. I know I could have gone the whole distance if I could, so that much was good. One of those runs where you test your brain power more than physical power.
On Monday I had a very good and strong 10 miler or so on a new route from boxing gym, and just finished as the snow started falling - again. It snowed in the morning too. Tuesday the winds were so kncocking, I took a day off and hung out at Monika's at night. It snowed again...and again next morning.
So today's track was a disaster. Not only my legs never recovered from been beat up dead feeling and tightness, it was very windy again, slushy on the ground and wet snow falling. I got mad at first repeat, sad at second and just had to laugh at third. Mike was off by 20-25 sec from his usual times, so at the end I decided I was OK - I had same "add-on's" to my intervals. Battling the headwind on the half of the track was hard, feet got numb from been wet and cold, and legs...well, legs are lost somewhere in a process. I think it might be due to running so much, and so early in a season. Not to mention I used to do some cross-training miles, all those years I'd put 12-15 "equivalents" either on elliptical or bike, and kncoking 70+M weeks on roads (besides the weekend long run) takes its toll. Gotta think about this one...
Kids had no school on Monday and delayed today. We don't know how to deal with snow here:)
Really, not sure what to say, just in a funk. May be it's the weather, the scary thoughts of house not selling soon enough, the phone call to Alex that wasn't that awesome as they were all those months before, finishing up fixing the house and starring into empty void, having divorce finalized 2 weeks ago, yet still living in the same place, work not going so well again (science...man, I am not made up for this!), thinking how can I possibly change a career without taking a hit in salary and benefits so I can still raise the kids, longing for some free explorations after reading other people's blogs...yeah, lack of sleep is not good either, as are tired legs (makes me less optimistic for the races).
It's all good. Life goes on. It requires times like that. Catra had wise words a day ago on that too, resonated for me, and besides, who would want it easy??!! Aren't we ultrarunners? :)