I am a girl who loves mountains, changing seasons, running, true backpacking, strong coffee, and knitting with high quality yarn.

When something bad happens, you have three choices: let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.

The purpose of life is to discover and develop your gift. The meaning of life comes from sharing your gift with others. - David Viscott

Thursday, January 31, 2008

And she is back:)

Aww, you, guys...really...left me speechless. In this case I am glad I have no internet at home, because I can wake up, come to work and read it all at once - and cry...you know, it's nice to be first at the office:) I even sung in the shower and probably scared the line to use it (I ran to work this morning) - because if you may want to see me dance, you definitely don't want to hear me sing.

Life is a vessel, the one that has an inlet and an outlet. And sometimes the outlet gets clogged a bit (or a lot), and the inlet starts overflowing. It is not that bad at first, drip, drip, then more, and at some point the vessel gets full. After that every drop counts, which one will send a liquid to spill? I think everybody needs their spill once in a while. I felt like a dork when I went home last night, I don't like whining, in fact, I don't really like much people who whine too much. And I do my best to contain myself whatever is happening around. But there comes a point when I simply need to put those nags on paper (or in our era it's on a computer screen) - it's like allowing the spill to get out of my head. It also lets me see it "organized" in structure somewhat, and to see how really ridiculous it is, I mean anything - anything at all but death (what I really recognized 3 years ago when my nephew died...by the way, my divorce date was that 3 years anniversary of Michael's accident, go figure), so, back to anything - anything can be fixed with commitment and steps. You just have to start making them, right?

I think the drop that started the spill for me was absurd: I suddenly thought, here I am, 5 minutes before 40 year old, and I wear a pony tail. Every day, work, exercise and outing (like they ever happen…but that’s a different story). It rolled from there – things piled up, and it overwhelmed. It’s like I keep trying to fit in somewhere, and can’t find a niche. And while there is no way I can (or want to) change myself, words about “who cares, be yourself” don’t work with me either.

Well, I am over the hump, and rolling nicely, no matter what. The vessel let go of some of the liquid, and there is a room to breathe. I thought about tight muscles and looked at my road shoes – there are year and half old…you think it’s time to get another pair? So I did place an order, looking forward to see them (I also went back to Mizuno, something of my NYC days, since here, in Portland, everybody wears Nike, but what the heck, lets bring memories!) I went home and adjusted my schedule for runs. I inhaled and joined a local community center 2 miles away from Stephen’s boxing place – I bought a 20 visit pass to start and figured I can do it once a week, on Wednesdays, after the track workouts in the morning. My first night there was like seeing an old friend you missed. The gym is small (as small as the one I used before, but has twice more equipment and 5 times more people in it, so we are like on each other’s heads), but still, it allows you to do anything you need to – and I did, and even not overindulged. What I did find the best was a StairMaster, a best (in my humble opinion) cardio cross trainer that I haven’t used in a year (since quitting 24 hr fitness gym). Love this machine! It left me breathless yesterday, couldn’t believe it…

I drove on some roads I run and measured by odometer – it turned out the stretches (distances) are longer than I estimated. You know, I don’t have any gadgets, I have a watch, look at it (note: not start/stop, just look), then run, and look at the end. After that I divide by 10 and get approximate miles. After that I don’t even wear a watch and describe my runs by how I felt: I think I dragged a bit, today it was like flying, I started easy and then picked up, why last night landmarks came on sooner than I thought they should? Anyway, driving parts of the route let me discover I am actually faster than I thought I was, at least on roads. Like quite a lot, like seems that last 3 miles I did practically at mile repeats pace? There is a reason I hate track:) May be I should measure all my regular routes? I wonder how my weekly mileage would look then? Who cares, but it was a nice thing to know.

I got on a scale last night and – surprise, I dropped 2 lbs without doing anything. I know, I am such a girl; a lower number always perks me up. I slept in till 6 am this morning! There were some adjustments at home in a good directions. And I had some great suggestions to where to look into for working in the future.

Told ya, just need a plan and start making steps. Really don’t like stagnation. Always RFM, always making decisions, may be changes, shake up, think, go ahead, risk – and then smile, and life will smile back at ya…

"Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the question now. Perhaps then, some day far in the future, you will gradually without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." Rainer Maria Rilke (borrowed from Larry King's blog)

Hardrock 100 lottery weekend, keep your fingers crossed!

NUUN Team announced!

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country, with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"?
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Pass this on to family, friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.
"Life is too short and friends are too few."


Sarah said...

"Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have." So very true. I try to think about this every day. Sometimes it's hard to appreciate all we have. Thanks for the reminder!

You're back! And you are stronger (in many ways) and faster than you think you are! Really. : )

KendraBo said...

I love coming here to sympathize in so many ways. Loved the Rilke quote. Long live Queen Olga!

Rooster said...

Way to bounce back Olga! I knew you wouldn't stay down long. Good to hear your taking steps, making things happen and smiling along the way.

Jamie said...

Good on you, Olga. Look forward to your posts as you continue to bounce back.

Congrats on team Nuun! That's a great group of athletes. Hope you get into Hardrock!

bushwhacker said...

Great story. If life was easy why do it?? As Catra said " We are Ultrarunners, Slog on!!

Backofpack said...

Whoa, I miss a couple days blogging and you drop down and climb back up again! I read this post wondering what I'd missed, then saw the one below. Glad it all worked out well, glad you are feeling more optomistic about things. Love the story at the end too!

Jon said...

Right on. Good to know you're on the upswing. :-)

Congrats on getting on Team Nuun too! You're in great company!

robtherunner said...

I enjoyed reading the Nuun line-up short bios, but what is your favorite NUUN flavor?:)

Love the last part on perspective. So true!

Carilyn said...

Great post! Loved the quote and the story. Congrats on the NUUN Teeam - it looks like an awesome group of runners!

Larry said...

Outstanding post Olga! Thank you for sharing your insight into life and the things you're feeling. I have learned to let the "drips" keep coming, but I do a better job of analyzing them and let them evaporate away. It's been a huge shift in how incredible my life can be without the buildups that result in "spills". We've just got to keep on moving forward, regardless of the speed. All the best with the lottery this weekend. Running around in a big circle in the San Juans sure would be fun. :)

Matt said...

Good luck in the HR lottery!

Travis said...

Good Luck in the HR LOTTO! Glad to see you are feeling better and congrats on the NUUN team, you deserve it.

angie's pink fuzzy said...

oh good, glad you are feeling better

ready for op50?!

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