A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn....

It's gonna get harder before it gets easier. But it will get better, you just gotta make it through the hard stuff first.

Friday, April 11, 2014

The flow of emotions...

I just posted thoughts on a Facebook, because I was so afraid I will loose them before I even open the blog, that I jumped the first page available to me. I knew it was way too long for the facebook - but it is also a bit too short (by my Russian writing standard anyway) for the real blog. Still, I am re-posting it here, as is, no adds or explanations.

When in the last couple of weeks life went way too busy in a way of hamster on a wheel, as usual, I had to cut some things, and as often happens, it was Baptiste Power Yoga practice at Breath and Body Yoga (that, and thoughtful dinners vs just throw meals together are first to go. Cleaning the house doesn't even enter my mind on those days). Today I made sure to come and take Louise class. Whether it was 2 weeks MIA, or the right time, or the calm aura of this slight Irish accent, but it did the trick. I let go of something. I was mentally there. Not physically, but mentally - and physically, this class felt so easy, suddenly. To the point, I hopped on my arms upside down! I hopped ALL the times the instructor offered to hop, from every position - for the first time ever. I let go of feeling scared, awkward, uncomfortable, stupid even - and hopped. Yes, the glut medial involvement was helping, but even with feet close - I still was doing it (I usually simply sit this one out). It was for all the dreams of my "to be" life work-wise, or at least this is where my thoughts were - it suddenly felt possible, not out of reach, and almost close. Like, it may actually happen. I understand life, like yoga practice, ebbs and flows back and forward, and I will have not-so-good classes, and very bad days, but this was the first time my dream was kind of real. I know it's a long post, and people these days don't read into things, and that's ok. As a non-happened writer, I "think" through writing words. As blogs died out, this was the first place I opened as I drove home. So, whether anybody reads it or not is inconsequential, the important thing is I sorted some stuff out. And I cried. For the second time in my yoga practice, I had tears streaming down my face, while in pigeon (and the first time was in this studio as well, go figure). Heck, I was even attempting King Pigeon and Double-pigeon (even if my knee was 10 inches above). And I was steady on one-leg transitions - I was steady as I went from the Eagle to Warrior III to Half-moon to Standing split...Speaking of which, a shout out goes toPerformance Wellness and Dr. Chris Sellers and their new LMT Alex - whatever those two did to me this week made all asanas on my right side possible today without blocks. All! Including standing split and separate leg forward bend! Well, anyway...this post is for me. I let go of something and grabbed onto something else, so I can keep on dreaming.
It is not about running, or personal record of sorts, or any kind of inspirational quote, or even a great place I visited - although it is a great place I went to. I went inside my self. My self. It was kind of pretty in there.

2 comments:

  1. Love this. So many great things about yoga, and one that always catches my by surprise is the intense focus on self with no distractions. Something happens when you spend 90 minutes focused on yourself. Something psychological, as real as the physiological deep breaths you take.

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