Purpose - is a result, end, mean, aim, or goal of an action intentionally undertaken, whether or not the purpose was a primary or secondary effect.
Are these items the same, similar, or have different meaning? My vocabulary gets overwhelmed, because somewhere deep inside I see things as they feel and not described by words, yet along being translated from one language to another. Goal is the end result, but purpose is the reason...
Somewhere back in the Spring I had thought of a plan for my built-in summer break from running, yet keeping myself in shape and motivated, by getting trained for a Figure Show, the way my one girlfriend did it for a couple of her off-season stints. She succeeded by far and hugely. It is a great and worthy goal, it is challenging in terms of hard training - and surely comfort level, it coincided with my following the path of Paleo (as I can fit into family life) weight loss along with "run a bit less and do other things to keep myself fit and healthy", and I received a gift from my father for a sum of money I could spend on things not budgeted. So, I spent big part of it on a couple of Personal Trainers and got on a program (being injured kept me super-motivated to stick to the diet and routine).
And then we had to start practicing posing, and thinking about swimsuits and high heels. And the wheels came off. This is not me. I don't wear heels. I own a pair of shoes with 2 inches heel on which I can only walk to the car and back - 5 inches heel seems unimaginable. I like the fact that at almost 42 I look fit, but wearing swimsuit that leaves nothing to imagination scares me breathless (and I am from Europe, so shame/shyness/prude is not something I practice on regular basis). And being judged by a bunch of strangers on the way I spread my shoulders - not on the way how far I had come, the size of my muscle, or any other measurable result of hard work - is just not my nature, very scary and uncomfortable (and I suck at posing). And then - there is that part of more money. I paid for 3 months. Due to schedule changes, the show that originally was supposed to be September 3rd, moved to October 1st. Extra month of trainers. Cost of suit and shoes. Show fees. Tan spray and professional make up. Hotel stay...I can't justify it, neither to me, nor to my family (even if they are always on board if I am happy). But this is where the caveat is. I am not happy. I am not happy because I started running, which brings me joy, and I have to still fit in all those "other" things, and while I could swing it all last 2 weeks with great results, those were last 2 weeks I had no Stephen home and could feel less responsible for doing (or not) other things - and yet still feeling guilty. I am very traditional when it comes to a gender role in a family. Not doing all of my "duties" to the extend I feel I have to (I am my own worst judge) throws me bonkers. I have a full time job, which with all this double-training had become even less enjoyable and somewhat less productive (surprised I had good results despite not putting my soul in it), and I have a part-time business. I am only human, and run only on 24 hr a day (6 of which I try to sleep, somehow, if I can squeeze in that many)...I am tired, and I am simply bored, having a goal that does not thrill me. Nothing's wrong with weight training - I had been doing it even longer than running. Only with weight training as a single mean in its end for me.
A couple of weeks ago one friend of mine had a little bit of a breakdown while deciding a very important (to this friend) religious matter. I am not religious by any means, and surely not the same as my friend is. I wasn't giving advice. I was simply contemplating while listening to a story. "If you are not sure of your reasons now, then don't" I said. How true. Apparently, this helped my friend the most.
We need to know the reasons, and to be content within our hearts. We don't do things to impress others or prove anything to anyone. What matters is what makes you feel right - and those around you happy, for you and with you. Sometimes I need to listen to my own advice:)
A woman who is set to beat an overall AT trhough-hike record. Almost there now.