When something bad happens, you have three choices: let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.

The heart of the difference is not ability or even talent, but desire

The purpose of life is to discover and develop your gift. The meaning of life comes from sharing your gift with others. - David Viscott

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Down

I had been feeling somewhat down last few days, what I kind of call "reevaluation". Thinking too much:) It doesn't bother me, I actually like stages of my life like that. Makes me subdude yet more aware of things happening.

The weekend turned out to be a more hectic thing than I thought it'd be, but I won't get into details. Not only timewise and physically, but emotionally (with the responsibility thing). We ran less than planned - 21 miles on Sunday due to my need to be back home to kids by a certain time, and I was OK with that since the legs felt heavy and it was a pure mental battle to will them to run. The time wasn't bad at all, but it seemed I had to focus extra and "talk" myself into moving. I know I could have gone the whole distance if I could, so that much was good. One of those runs where you test your brain power more than physical power.

On Monday I had a very good and strong 10 miler or so on a new route from boxing gym, and just finished as the snow started falling - again. It snowed in the morning too. Tuesday the winds were so kncocking, I took a day off and hung out at Monika's at night. It snowed again...and again next morning.

So today's track was a disaster. Not only my legs never recovered from been beat up dead feeling and tightness, it was very windy again, slushy on the ground and wet snow falling. I got mad at first repeat, sad at second and just had to laugh at third. Mike was off by 20-25 sec from his usual times, so at the end I decided I was OK - I had same "add-on's" to my intervals. Battling the headwind on the half of the track was hard, feet got numb from been wet and cold, and legs...well, legs are lost somewhere in a process. I think it might be due to running so much, and so early in a season. Not to mention I used to do some cross-training miles, all those years I'd put 12-15 "equivalents" either on elliptical or bike, and kncoking 70+M weeks on roads (besides the weekend long run) takes its toll. Gotta think about this one...

Kids had no school on Monday and delayed today. We don't know how to deal with snow here:)


Really, not sure what to say, just in a funk. May be it's the weather, the scary thoughts of house not selling soon enough, the phone call to Alex that wasn't that awesome as they were all those months before, finishing up fixing the house and starring into empty void, having divorce finalized 2 weeks ago, yet still living in the same place, work not going so well again (science...man, I am not made up for this!), thinking how can I possibly change a career without taking a hit in salary and benefits so I can still raise the kids, longing for some free explorations after reading other people's blogs...yeah, lack of sleep is not good either, as are tired legs (makes me less optimistic for the races).

It's all good. Life goes on. It requires times like that. Catra had wise words a day ago on that too, resonated for me, and besides, who would want it easy??!! Aren't we ultrarunners? :)

14 comments:

  1. Up and down, up and down, ain't it always. You of course has had a lot to deal with lately so that's probably natural. Having dead legs can't be helping. You mentioned backing down this week, that should help your legs recover a bit more. Lastly, how is your sleep? My mood turns blue and anxious when I'm not getting enough sleep.

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  2. all life ebbs and flows

    ((hugs))

    just keep putting one foot in front of the other...you *are* an ultrarunner!

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  3. I agree, sleep is important factor. When I get in that way, I try to take things back a notch all around, and hang on knowing that tomorrow is a new day.
    Take some quiet time for yourself if you can :)

    We are having a Snow Day today!! The kids are happy to be home playing in the snow.
    There is another storm expected for tomorrow.

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  4. Hang in there Olga, keep swimming up stream like you always do. Sunnier days ahead for sure. The dark cold weather can be downer especially during trying times. Take care of yourself!

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  5. Olga Said:I got mad at first repeat, sad at second and just had to laugh at third.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Glad u got to that "laugh" lap in :-) best medicine!

    Get some rest, recover a bit & I agree with Rick on getting sleep...when I fall behind on my sleep MY runs are tough.

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  6. Hang tight...the funk will fade. Hey, come on out and visit me and we'll take a trip to Rockies for a logn run or two - that will knock the funk out of ya !

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  7. Wow...it's amazing how much more snow your side of town got than mine!

    I'd be surprised if you weren't feeling a bit down with all that's going on. Nows the time to do something for you...be selfish and take a little me time. I'm sure you'll have your spark again soon. : )

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  8. I think it's good that you are honoring all feelings, good and bad. Ignoring what is bothering us doesn't make it go away (believe me, I have tried!). Embrace the tired legs, racing mind and heavy legs because they are yours and beautiful. Yes, we are ultrarunners and all we have to remember is that it will get better if we just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Thanks for sharing, xoxo.

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  9. The picture of the snow is beautiful. I wish we had more. RFM!

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  10. Delicate Flower30/1/08 21:16

    Olga, I love how "real" you are. Life is up and down, the downs make us appreciate the easier times.

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  11. Olga,

    The mind and the body flow together. You've been working really hard for a few weeks with your training and it's natural to feel a little overcome by fatigue. If you're physically fatiguing, the mental battle comes along with that. Then pile on all the other mental battles you currently have in your life. Take a little mental and physical recovery, you'll come back 'round shortly!

    Take care,
    Meghan

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  12. I'm kinda jealous of the snow Olga. Living in south Texas I don't get to see it anymore. Grab a nice hot chocolate, grab a book and just chill and read for a couple of hours. Don't think about running or the change in careers. I might be doing the same very soon and heading back to Canada. I think that I've done less running than you this week. ;) No regrets. And just think that we will have to seriously think about running after this weekends lottery!! Good vibes for us. We'll have to compare training horror stories. Hugs!!!

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  13. Some good wine and lots of sleep always help me during those times. It gets better, keep your chin up :)

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  14. Anonymous1/2/08 18:01

    These times are what I call "character building" times. We all have them, we survive, we move on.

    I've been "lurking" on your blog for a while now and always enjoy what you have to say. :-)

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