When something bad happens, you have three choices: let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.

The heart of the difference is not ability or even talent, but desire

The purpose of life is to discover and develop your gift. The meaning of life comes from sharing your gift with others. - David Viscott

Thursday, August 31, 2006

I hate training. Or do I?

Alarm sounds at 4:30 am. I hit the button and lay there in the dark. I don’t want to get up. Thoughts about taking a day off are looming in my head. I stay put and watch the minutes pass by.
4:45 am, still in bed. I am trying to figure out a substitute for what’s planned as today’s run. 10 miles with 6x1000m repeats. May be I can do intervals while watching Stephen practicing soccer tonight. May be I can move it to tomorrow morning. I want to sleep, or at least lay in bed.
5:00 am. I pull myself up and throw into a bathroom. The water is cold, I hate this water system! It takes forever to warm up! I stumble downstairs naked, turn on coffee machine and look for running clothes in a dryer. I dread getting out, so I turn on the computer while sipping on a cup of hot coffee. I go over Craig’s blog and discover my last night’s comment didn’t go through. I am almost happy – I get to sit here and re-write it again.
Minutes are ticking. It’s past 5:30 am, I am never that late for a morning run. If I want to make it 10 miles I better get my ass out the door.
I slowly separate from the chair and step outside. Why did I plan 10 miles again? When was the time 10 miles was my long weekend run? I want to go back to this time. I want to go back to the time when running was just for pleasure and no other reasons.
Actually, it was never that kind of time. My first run was a 5k. It was training ever since, whether or not a sophisticated one – doesn’t matter, but always for something ahead of me.
It is cold out, and I am wearing shorts and a tank top. There is frost on the ground and I exhale a cloud. I am considering going back for a long sleeve, but understand that once I am in the room, I am crawling back into bed. I continue on.
Road turn, slow jog. My butt still hurts from that long run on Monday, almost as much as when the injury just happened. I lean to the other side and try to not move my left leg. Why am I doing it? Who knows.
It’s getting warmer in about 10 minutes, so at least that much is good. I am still in search for reasons to stop. My compartment syndrome is aggravated by constantly tensing up on the run now, as well as too much roads lately. I also developed a tendonitis on one leg and a plantar fasciatis on another – funky short gate do it to you.
I go to a turn-around of my warm up and jog to the track. 3 miles passed, but I am still not sure if I want any speed work. I visit a porta-potty just to waste time. I even do some stretches at the track. I am looking back in search of predicted times. 1000m had been my physical fitness estimate since last year under Scott’s training. Last year I did them in 4:15. This year before WS it went in 4:20. A week before injury I had 4:30. I promise not to get upset whatever I manage today. I quietly pray to break 5 min.
Eventually there is no lingering anymore, I ran out of options. I drop my bottle and toe the “start line”. I press the timer button on the watch and try picking up the pace.
I think in half-laps. I focus on a straight line and count. 800m left. My step is short and choppy, vividly different on left side versus right side. 600m. How weird – my breath never goes out, I am so slow. 400m. Almost done. Last turn. First one out.
I hit the stop button and walk to sense how it feels. Tight, but not crazy. I look at the watch. 4:45. I think for a few seconds if I am mad or happy, then smirk. Suddenly a memory of my telling Rob while pacing him about how I learned to spit on the run recently comes in and a smile crosses my face. It’s not very lady-like, I know. Who says what is or isn’t lady-like? I look at my hands and find a big non-healed wound from roping down that crazy section on the way to Hyak. Not very lady-like. I remember how on Monday after the long run my hamstring seized up so much, I couldn’t take my shoes off, so I laid on the tile floor of a shower room at work for 10 minutes to begin moving. Yep, I am not very lady-like.
I turn a corner on a track and spit. 5 intervals left. I can pull it off. I toe the start line and press the timer button.

p.s. I sent my application in today for RDL100. I am injured, untrained and unfit. I am not motivated to fight but curious if I have enough stubbornness to finish. And if I DNF I promise to have a smile on my face.

15 comments:

  1. Wonderful post...I seriously felt like I was running with ya...finding motivation for anything at 4:30am is hard, never mind running. I had to chuckle at the last part....registering for RDL100 based on curiosity =) Have a good one!

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  2. I hate getting up in the morning. I admire you for even setting your alarm at 4:30 AM :-) So, you are not THAT far off from where you thought you were. R U? I think you'll heal up nicely. Now, tell me the RDL100 is a 100 meter sprint!! Is that miles or kilometers?

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  3. I'm laughing at your unladylike-ness. Last week I blew a snot rocket on my arm. How's that for being unladylike. : ) I'll have to practice the spitting. ; )

    I am finding it more difficult to pull myself out of bed as the mornings get darker. Your post helps explain why we keep doing it....

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  4. Olga, I need to work on spitting and snot-rocketing. I'm not too good at either...

    Spell it out for me: what, where, when is RDL100? What does RDL stand for - I can google it!

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  5. RDL 100= Rio Del Lago

    I still think you are a lady and I say go for it at RDL 100, but just remember you may not be setting a good example for me in the future to follow, not that I ever follow good examples in the first place.

    And Yes, I looked at the website and wondered how I would be able to do the race. Fortunately I am poor and am going to live within my wallet and not to mention Jessica would kill me if I even mentioned it right now.

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  6. Um... I can't spit at all. It's a big mess if I even try which is definintely not lady-like :)

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  7. A friend once apologized during our run because she kept spitting. She felt it wasn't lady like. I told her girls who spit while they run are kind of sexy. We never spoke it again and she never stopped spitting.

    Okay I will hold you to that smile thing. You know I'll have my camera too. By the way Norm doesn't give buckles at RDL, but you're sick of buckles right:)

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  8. I am definitely NOT a morning person, but the heat and the ridiculous parking situation at work (get there by 8:30 or there is NO parking...damn undergrad frat boys!) I have been forced to roll out of bed very early. I never want to either and struggle to yank myself out of bed (especially with two warm fuzzy cats keeping me company) but I have ended up doing it. Who knows why we do it, maybe it is just stubborness, but I am glad we do!

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  9. 445 is great; you didn't lose much speed since the injury or WS. BRRRR..cold in Oregon. Frost..we haven't seen that yet in MN and I am not ready for it either. I love summer. So you are in for RDL; you go girl!! My feet don't look very lady like.

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  10. Solo track workouts are like the eighth level of hell sometimes. Nice job with that workout.

    And don't worry about being ladylike - fast women are more attractive to runners anyway.

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  11. i am not lady-like..and i like it that way! once you get over your first "spit" it becomes normal!!!

    you have such a discipline - wow. i know it would be good for me to run in the AM as well, but can't manage right now.

    it seems you have been running for so many years now and i can only imagine that at a certain point the ueber-enthusiasm will fade a little. but maybe that's ok...running with a new state-of-mind; and learning from it.

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  12. You have a wonderful way of expressing your emotions through your posts. I don't know how many times I went through the same routine early Saturday mornings before a long run. So far I have made it out the door every time, but it doesn't get any easier. I think you are stubborn enough for RDL, knock it out!

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  13. I have never learned to spit... and as for snot rockets, let's just not even go there...

    Olga, I think you are definitely a lady -- one of strong spirit, decisive mind and formidable strength. Note that has nothing to do with "princess", however! I don't think you count as a princess. ;-)

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  14. Imagine what you can do when your happy and motivated!
    Go get 'em!!

    R2B

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  15. bushwhacker5/9/06 13:21

    Are those Hammies getting better?? Did you talk to Terrible Tom?? I don't know how you run thru all those BoBos.See ya in a couple of weeks after AC. I have no idea how to pace this one without you.

    Love and Kisses

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