In line with letting go and new year resolutions I finally stopped hoping to teach yoga. Yes, it's been almost two years as I graduated, and being back to the yoga world since my teaching gig back in NYC was part of my new life creation, it never materialized, yet I kept being unsure if I should. That uncertainty made me resentful practicing as much and as fully as it (and I) deserve. This year I let it go for good, and feel the lifting of that weight making a big difference.
And read. Read more. As of these first 10 days, I had just finished an amazing 600 pages book Natasha's Dance by Orlando Figes. I picked it up at the library on the merits of someone recommending it to "an American spouse", but as I dove into the chapters, I figured that, first of all, nobody but Russian-raised (or someone with deep knowledge) would get through the maze of all the names and happenings, and secondly, I managed to learn (or be reminded of) so much, it blew my mind. It made me be even more proud of my heritage - yet also be ashamed of my "people" as well, my customs, my culture (in a deeper way than a simple word can explain). With all that, as book states page after page after page, "One can take a Russian out of Russia, but not Russia out of a Russian". The last paragraph is ended with the words by Stravinsky, one of our composers, who, as many other writers, poets, composers, artists of all trades, had fleet home country at various times through the history for various reasons (and either returned later or wished they did so on their death bed):