So, the Facebook thing...after 3.5 years of absence, I came back - actually, partially by accident, and partially to keep up with my grown up kids (or sneak on their lives kind of thing). And while I cut my "friends" to bare minimal number to only those whom I know in life AND had have a real conversation about life (not simply "How was your last race?" type of thing, what hurt a lot of folks trying to be-friend me), I was still getting overwhelmed. Yes, I, myself, made poor choices and got sucked in. I do get addicted rather quickly. Part of my side-business is all about being loud and visible. It was nice to support runners and be supported, too. It still is.
But in a meantime, while staying away, I think I am re-learning valuable lessons of "splurging" on all that social media stuff only on occasions. Re-learning on getting back into more "personal" level of support via, at the least, emails, those that can only be seeing by a receiver and a sender, not their 500 friends...meeting with few folks here and there...and thinking so much, it hurts! I'll be back on Facebook, absolutely, there is a value to it - but I will do my best not to be a Facebook wh#$*e. I will do my best to use it wisely.
So much time happened to be freed! It is amazing! And I slowly figure things out for myself, without the pressure of "performing" for others, impressing clients, and having Fear Of Missing Out! And I still love working hard!
I managed to make a decision to pull out of my scheduled 38M night race at the end of August - I suck on rocky twisted trails, and at night the danger of getting injured is grand - I am still not even half-recovered from the hamstring pull at 22 miler I ran 10 days ago. I also made a very difficult choice for me to NOT serve Cactus Rose 50/100M one and only aid station I have had at this "unsupported" race for the last 3 years (and one that runners hit a total of 8 times and which I "ran" practically single-handed). That race falls on a weekend 3 weeks after 2 sleepless nights at Grindstone 100 and 1 week prior 2 sleepless nights at Ozark 100. Sometimes we need to be selfish. This is my time...Besides, as I corresponded with a couple of old-timers, only "vets" will miss me, as my personality, and newbies wouldn't even have a clue - although they could be ticked off for not having aid they heard exists...Oh, well, hopefully they read the race document:)
And so here I am. Some things are changing in life as well. There was a decision made of having Stephen move and live in Portland with his Dad. I am not sure how this will go, but it is final, and it is a very good call for all involved (Stephen, first of all, and then all of us adults). That took a lot of mental and emotional adjustments, regardless that it was basically my push for that - and was the only choice that existed in a state where Stephen was. The workload at my real job is big, or, may be, I am paying more focus to it now that I don't have to be overly worried about my kid(s) (or choose not to go crazy about it would be more proper way) - and I don't Facebook up a storm. Other things are making my life filled to the brim too.
And I train. While my hamstring is doing quite poorly, and I need to heed my own advice, I only backed off for a few days and had completed a weekend's back-to-back and workouts this week so far as well, plus 4 Bikram classes, 1 massage (for myself) and a lot of rolling and stretching. I got plans, but while my brain re-wires to take care of ME, I simply go through the motions of doing what I know how to - train.
I had my favorite nutritionist have a chat with me and scold me for a lot of things too, and that's another thing on my list to take care of. Thanks, Meredith! Sometimes it seems I know a lot, but information for oneself often gets buried, and I need a reminder, a refresher - often new knowledge, and absolutely certainly a kick in a pants.
I am learning to take care of me. For the first time in the last 22 years (and 9 months), I am at least PLANNING to begin thinking of me first.
And to celebrate it, Larry and I are going to visit this weekend our possible dream future, that even carries an awesome name: Loveland, CO. No races, nothing crazy. We are going to dream on...