When something bad happens, you have three choices: let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.
The heart of the difference is not ability or even talent, but desire
The purpose of life is to discover and develop your gift. The meaning of life comes from sharing your gift with others. - David Viscott
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Out for a gasp of air.
I can’t run. Simple as that. The pain in my hip joint is not getting any easier, in fact, it is getting stronger. The doc that gave me cortisone shot, diagnosed throchanteric bursitis, as well as I did, having had it 3 times before. However, this time the shot did nothing. The rest did nothing. Picking up yoga 3 times a week, stretching and doing suggested exercises – nothing. I go to the gym and bored there out of my mind if it's twice in a row. I signed off ultra list, committed to be “not just a trail ultra runner”. I started knitting again, after a 10 year break period. I read books and cook a bunch of veggies (oh, yeah, my weight is creeping on), I am about to begin school classes next week…At first I was very optimistic. I had this thought – life comes a full circle. Some many years ago I broke my back doing martial arts, couldn’t bend over to put my shoes on, scheduled for a surgery – and discovered Bikram yoga. After being diligent in practice, I cancelled that surgery and started running, 5k, 10k, half-marathons…Since I lost all the speed in the last 2 years or so, I had this bright idea of getting back slowly, using time to build up, doing short speed workouts, and then piling up miles. My plan was perfect. It probably still is. But having run through every injury in a running book without any breaks, now – I am frustrated big time. What good a plan is if I can’t ever run the way I want to? Right now I can't run at all!! Every step, any step, sends me to such pain, I have tears, and I always was pretty high tolerant to pain. I don't even know what kind of injury I have anymore, not to mention how to treat it...
I tried to do a mile on a treadmill on Monday, it hurt from step 1 to the last one. I tried today on the way to work from where I park my car – only on downhills, if I shorten my stride to a shuffle, I can at least withstand the pain, but still grimace with every step. Hmm, I signed up for a 10k this weekend…following that bright idea of mine.
Other than that – really, I can’t complain. Life is great, life is fantastic. Stephen had an awesome weekend climbing with his dad, and he scores goals for his team at soccer games. He loves school, and is very helpful at home. Alex is alive – and what more can I ask for at this point, while checking his MySpace page and learning urban slang about smoking crack and having stupid fun? My relationship with my ex had improved greatly once we don’t own anything together anymore and each of us had moved on for real. I got appointment for an interview for my citizenship in a month. My mom is out of the hospital and doing ok – not great, but ok nevertheless. My dad had eye surgery and now can see better than in the last 10 years. I am working with a financial analyst and getting a hand on what future and money really mean to each other.
And – I am still madly in love…and he is coming to town today!
As for running – it will come. I need to inhale again, gasp some air on the surface, and go back to patience…