When something bad happens, you have three choices: let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.

The heart of the difference is not ability or even talent, but desire

The purpose of life is to discover and develop your gift. The meaning of life comes from sharing your gift with others. - David Viscott

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I am back

...and I am floating...floating in my mind, floating in my body. Floating above the ground, above the trees, above the worries and above universe. I am free...

It only took five runs to get back to where I belonged. My true self. I am not laboring my run, not forcing myself to put "left foot, right foot", to breathe in and out. I exist.

I had lots of thinking to do, and today, once I submerged into a state of "being", it all came back to me. My body responded. Something I was afarid was lost and forgotten, something I longed so much, something that wasn't happening for a bit. My body responded. Not to the training schedule, not to promises, not weight control. To my spirit. My growing hair flapping, my baby i-Pod blasting...I was running. The way I love, the way I can. I even got lost on the streets of a neighborhood, where I ran and walked hundreds of times - and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Last night, when I came to bed where Oleg was already asleep, he mumbled without opening his eyes: don't you stop running, you are talented, and this is who you are...I couldn't sleep for hours. Not because I think I've got anyhting in "talent", but because, after all, his support and acceptance means a world to me. These were the best words - the only words - he said to me about it, as I am so used to his resistance. It also put things in place - all that matters is Family and their Love. I was floating because of that too. Because I am enough, just the way I am. And together we will overcome anything in the Universe. Because we are enough.

Isn't it scary how my writing depends on my running? I am back to posting, posting from the heart. This is who I am. I am free. I am.

21 comments:

Wes said...

Your running is your inspiration. Well, at least one of them. The words of your husband brought tears to my eyes. Welcome back...

backofpack said...

I'm so happy for you Olga, so happy to hear you happy!

TryAthlete said...

I hope you keep floating forever.

Anonymous said...

That's great Olga, and Oleg's support is vital. I know I wouldn't be running if I had to fight with Niamh over it.

Of course you have talent. By the bucket. How many people can run all those ultras you're doing one after the other? I certainly can't, and I like to think I've got some talent myself.

And yes, welcome back.

caroline said...

Beautiful post, Olga! :-)

Sarah said...

What a nice post! Put a smile on my face! : )

Anonymous said...

Great post, Olga. Welcome back!!!

angie's pink fuzzy said...

oh, what a beautifully gorgeous wonderful post!

Kurt in Boston said...

cool.

Love2Run said...

I'm smiling for you! You never left...

Ryan said...

I new it, simply wonderful! = )

"Pura Vida"

Annette said...

Very emotional! You definitely write with your heart. Keep running - it obviously makes you happy.

Jack said...

Welcome back, beautiful post!

robtherunner said...

It was good to read this post. Now maybe you can inspire me back to my self as well. I'm not sure that made sense, but you know what I mean. Have a great weekend!

Anonymous said...

Only five runs to get your groove back is something to be proud of. Nice!

Julie B said...

Yay. You found joy again. Yay!

craig said...

Why is it that we always fear we will lose the joy of something like running? Glad you have found your way back to the things and people you love most in life.

Have a great trip to Russia. Homecomings are always wonderful whether they involve family, a familiar place or something like running. Sounds like you are definitely home.

Mike said...

Olga,
It's all been said above but it deserves another mention - this is a beautiful post!
Hope you are having fun out in the wet stuff...will it ever stop raining!?! ;-)

Bushwhacker said...

If you can put your refound enthusiasm in a container,I would buy a case. Hold on to that feeling for our next run.

Love Ya

rick said...

Ah great post. Rest is great isn't i, a physical and mental break so you can return renewed. You can't return if you don't go away for awhile. Keep on floating.

Anonymous said...

your floating feeling reminds me of a quote on steve vai's passion and warfare album: "i was high above the trees. everything was more vivid than i thought was ever possible. i saw things from all sides. then i realized i wasn't perceiving things through my human eyes."

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