Time for a break.

The journey through life has many valleys that we can't just skip over, and also many mountains to climb that we can't just jump over. It is also true that we need the space and the freedom to make our own mistakes. Trial and error seem to be the only way we can learn and grow. Life is first and foremost a process. And this process is a zig-zag process at that. (John Powell)

Sometimes I wish that things would be much simpler, that there wouldn't be so many zigs in the road when I could really use a zag. Sometimes I look at the mountain in my path and I know that it's going to challenge me pretty dearly, and I think that I would much rather have a straight, flat path ahead of me so that I wouldn't have to do any more heavy work. Life can become overwhelming at times, and the more trials that we have to face, the more difficult it can be to see the good and the positive and the beautiful. After all, we can't see a whole lot when our noses are to the grindstone, can we?

I do know, though, that these are the parts of my life that help me to develop my character and to grow as a human being. Working my way through the valleys and over the mountains helps me to develop a sense of perspective that can be helpful to other people who also are going through trials. If it weren't for the trials in our lives, we would most probably stagnate and never come close to reaching our full potential. After all, life tends to know what we need much more than we do ourselves.

If I had the choice, I wouldn't give up the mountains and hills and valleys. Sometimes I might wish that they would come a few days or weeks or even months later, but when all is said and done I know that I need them. And I have no idea who will need me in the future, and what kinds of obstacles or trials those people will have needed me to go through in order to get to a point at which I can be truly helpful to them.

So, I burnt out. So, what. Not like it's the first time. And surely not the last. A year ago tomorrow Stephen and I had moved to Austin, and 2 weeks later my training started in it's earnest. I ran. I did gym workouts. I ran more. In cicrles. In the heat. With no mountains to stop and enjoy. It was all work and not much play. OK, I am over-estimating it. Of course, I played too, but with the terrain and the weather being what it is here, and with the fact that my life obligations hadn't allowed me to run with any group or a single person, for the most part it was training - and it paid off. I had a great season of racing, ever beginning with Cactus Rose 100 last October. I rolled from race to race, getting stronger, and even faster, with speedwork, hillwork, tempo runs and so on. I utilized all that I knew, I had help of someone else to learn more for a couple of months - and I had fun. But I am not invincible. By the time San Diego was over, while my body was feeling fine and I jumped right back into training, my mind and my heart lagged behind. I emailed Ronda saying "I am flat". I dreaded going to Tahoe Rim 100, and it felt so wrong, because this beautiful run does not deserve to be run "flat". I tried to watch the video of the race Meredith gave me, I was excited to be present at WS100 as a spectator, I followed Hardrock 100 and Badwater 135 webcasts...and nothing. All I wanted was just to get a backpack on my back, tag Larry with me - and go hiking. No pressure, no expectations...

There is a reason Scott Jurek doesn't run for 4 weeks every season, and tells his clients to do so as well. Not to mention the "season" in Texas has a span from October to April, which I participated in - and then continued on into a "regular" season I am used to. Because I missed mountains. Because I wanted to visit "West of Rocky" where the heart still is. Because I am stubborn, and I am stupid, but aren't we all? I am afarid I will loose this wonderful fitness I got myself into (greedy - ooh, I haven't been in this shape since a couple of years), that I just have to use all of it now, or else, and that there are people out there, waiting for me to perform...and this is where it goes all wrong. There are some points of our lives where we loose our identity to what we do, as opposed to who we are.

I run. I had been running, well, not so long, come to think about it - since 2001, and ultras since 2003. It's just the number of races is kind of overwhelming...As I made my way on Tahoe Rim trail, besides the famous Tahoe lake and Marlette lake views, there was a Washoe lake on the right of the ridge, and I remembered - I ran a marathon around it. When was that? 7 years ago - man, time flies. That was the year I visited the start line of WS100, and the start line of BW135 - and promised to myself to make those happen. And I've been at it ever since.

But every so often there comes a time when, because I don't recognize ahead of time the need to rest, not only body, but mind and soul, I get burnt out. It is a pretty scary state at first. It hits you out of nowhere, and you are at a loss - what do I do now? My body functions just fine - in fact, because I only made 61 miles, I hadn't a need for recovery at all. I do have a hamstring injury that has being getting more and more aggravated since March and finally tells me for certain it needs to be taken care of (old hamstring tear - has it happen again?). All that said - so far I haven't run a step. And, hear me out - I don't want to either. Ain't I supposed to inspire others?

The matter of the truth is, my break is an honest inspiration as well. To be true to yourself. To do things that are important to you. To be the best you can be - but not single-pointed. There is so much more to life, and while we juggle it all rather well, there are times we need to simply flip the switch, step away and tend to other things. As I said in my DNF report, and I seriosuly meant it - I'll come back on my own terms. So far, I always had...

So, I flipped the switch. I pulled out of my "left-over" 100's. I hit the gym and am enjoying the heavy lifting and hanging out with a different crowd. I cross-train on various cardio machines. I bought a monthly pass to my favorite Bikram yoga and finally remembered why I loved it so much to the point, I used to teach classes back in NYC for over 2 years. I am done with my massage internship and this Saturday am taking the National Board test for LMT (come over next month and let me wortk on your kinks!). I grew nails - and who knows, may be my toe-nails have a chance to grow too:) I read a lot. I am dealing with Stephen's teenager-induced challenging of rules, and his "entry" into high school and football practices. I am getting adjusted to my new diet as I finally was diagnosed to be gluten-intolerant, and learning a bunch on that. And - we took a family to a water park for Larry's birthday (where we stood in line for an hour to get onto a 1 min ride, and where we were petrified to see "up close and personal" the obesity rate in America!) and spent a bunch of time with his mom too. Life goes on. So it should.

Life is pretty simple. You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. You do more of what works. (Tom Peters)

Tahoe Rim DNF

I'll be short, I've got a presentation at work this week I need to focus on, but I want to get it out of the way and satisfy the possible curiosity since the website is not fast on updates. I made my flight on Sunday, and even got on an earlier one - but not the way I would have liked to. However, I have no regrets. At first, I regretted not recognizing I need to give my body, mind and soul some rest and respect by switching to a 50M option (which I could do even on the race morning), but after spending time thinking it through, I realize with a 50M finish, while I would justify the money spent and travel time, and get a recognition, I wouldn’t make many of the soul-searching I did. I needed a lesson, and I got it.

From emails Larry sent to a local trail group:
“According to the live updates, Olga has made it through the first 50 miles of Tahoe Rim in 12:10:25. They took an already difficult course and added another 4,000 feet of gain to it this year for a round number of 24,000ft gain. At the pre-race briefing yesterday, there was mention of a big bear that has been harassing people on the trail. Hopefully, the bear stays away as she is still recovering from the two bear encounters, very large ones I might add, when we were out in the Sierra a few weeks ago. :) The course consists of two 50 mile loops in the mountains along the east side of Lake Tahoe, all, mostly above 8,000ft”.
“Just got a call from Olga. She’s dropping at mile 61. Hasn’t eaten since mile 40 and was throwing up quite a bit during those 20 miles. Also, was dealing with a pre-race injury. Still, very, very proud of her and I’m glad she didn’t get eaten by the mean bear.”
And here is mine response:
“It was absolutely beautiful and the views are magnificent, so was the single-track trail. I didn't find the course to be too particularly difficult, but I am comparing to the mountain races I had done, and I tend to lean towards the harder ones. The combination of the altitude with heat (not "hot" TX style, but hot 80F at 8,000 feet) and general fatigue from previous 100's, along with long-lagging injury had taken its toll, and worrying about making my flight didn't provide incentive to slog through the night and next morning without possibility to put any calories in. At the end, I could "gut it out", but I had nothing to prove and had done it before. I am just not interested in "gutting it out" that much anymore, more in having quality runs. I had fun times in the first 50 though! So many wonderful folks I ran and chatted away with, so awesome views, fantastic race organization, and just happy to be alive, able and willing.”

photo by Scott Dunlap
I am thrilled to have been there, on this course, and meet so many friends, some old, some new. Rick Gaston and Glenn Tachyama, thanks for taking care of me at the 50M point! Annie C-T and Rob Cain, it was awesome to spend time pre-race and chat Oregon! Joy, what a joy to have finally meet you in person, and spend fantastic 45 minutes climbing the ski pass talking non-stop and passing guys like they were standing still! Gretchen, you rocked! And Donald, always a pleasure! To co-RD George Ruiz – thank you, thank you, thank you. You guys put a lot of effort, and you personally were so tending to me all the time, I really will never forget it. It’s a beautiful run in a beautiful place with beautiful people behind. Brian Myers, the miles we ran together, whether at SD100 or (even more so) at TRT, were priceless. You win our own “quest on most 100’s” – and the summer isn’t even over – because I am not going for P2P. I wish you all the best! To the Tunnel Creek AS guys who tried to change my mind – thanks for the thoughts, and mostly for recognizing I had made the decision and was ok with it. To Kirsten Ramage who dropped with me and made it possible to arrange a shower and a shut-eye at the hotel room - thanks. And the biggest thanks - to Larry, my "biggest fan", who had patience and wisdom to let me make my own decisions. I love you, honey.
It was awesome to cheer runners coming through while waiting the ride back off the mountain, and having a most fulfilling conversation with young Mark from BC who was there (second time on trails, may I add) to help his friends celebrate their 40th birthday. This is why I am in it – to talk about what’s inside you. Because it’s here where we open up to the true “us” and allow “us” to come out. I am not in it to prove anybody, or even myself, what I am made of – I know what I am made of. I have a passion. I never want it to become a burden or an obligation. I am pleased I was able to sense the difference. I am glad my body spoke to me loud and clear, and I listened. I've had a fantastic 11 months of hard training and great racing season since last fall. I need a rest. I’ll be back on my own terms. Now, "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

For more pictures of the course and for a wonderful description of an awesome race head over to Gretchen's blog.

On trail addictions and wide horizons.

While doing all this trail running, distance training, and other crazy stuff, sometimes we might forget simple pleasures. Like – why we choose trails, what they mean to us. Well, not quite forget, but not appreciate the sense of novelty (I don’t know, I think I am mumbling, because I never lose that sense…but bear with me for a moment, please).
Since the precious Sierra Nevada week, we are back in Austin, and I am using this week as my “sharp-n-go” only training week before the next 100. With much work and other obligations, as well as fitting weights workouts and intervals/hill repeats on roads, track or treadmill, my recovery runs were done on the roads during a week as well. Heck, I even had to run to work on Saturday as part of my weekend run! But on Saturday night it was about to flip a switch…
I work with this gal, Eman. She has a PhD in Molecular Biology, she is divorced and a single mom to a 7 year old boy, and – she is from Egypt. With the whole 9 yards of Muslim culture, religion and clothing. And she runs. She started running to help her deal with the divorce, then I joined the lab – and she finished a 5k, then got challenged to sign up for a 10k, which she did and finished as well. Now, she never saw a picture of my trail runs, although she heard a number of my blubbering of how wonderful mountains and trails are. So, she is planning to do a 10k on trails. And I promised to take her on a trail run for the introduction…but you know how it is. Life is always on the way.
Saturday night we met at the trailhead. I – in a sportsbra and a running skirt. She – wearing long pants, long-sleeve shirt (my SD100 one) and a head scarf. Off we went…and from the first step, to the very last one, she never stopped saying “wow”. It was all I needed to make my day, heck, my week memorable! This is why we do it! To share it with others! She may had some troubles climbing the “goat hill” on the rope and grabbing the roots, she may had to walk every hill and was slipping on the “snot rocks”, but she took on the challenge wading across 4 creeks, she skipped and danced over the rocks and roots, inhaled all the ridge views the loop had to offer, and just was so generously happy, I couldn’t stop smiling. Yep, these are my trails. Yep, this is WHY we do what we do. And boy, not only I am thrilled she liked it, I am certain she is a future trail runner! Expand your horizon. Your next running body may be closer than you think, and more different than you ever imagined.
Besides that 10k road race in April, she never ran more than 3.5M. The loop I took her to was 5.5M with 1,500 feet of gain. It was hot, although after 7:30pm the sun set down and it was rather pleasant by Texas standards. Her cheeks got red, she carried one water bottle (a gift from your truly), and she walked quite a bit after descending to “lower flats”. But she was still smiling. And hollering. I always wondered why in Austin runners don’t yell out like they did in Portland. She did. She was real. I wish I had my camera. My pacer’s instincts kicked in. I kept talking. “Run 50 yards, we’ll walk after the turn. 1.5M left. This quarter mile we should move, and then we hit a small incline on slick rock and walk. Hike with a purpose. You are doing it all by yourself”. I laughed when realized what I was doing. Guess I missed it, huh? Oh, may be, that’s why I am a good pacer? But we made it – in 1:20 all. Much faster than I anticipated. Exactly how long it takes a local Sunday group, or Tuesday group, or Wednesday group to make through 5 miles. She is a trooper. And a trail runner at heart…
Next week I will slow down on miles, but will throw in a couple on interval workouts – and a couple of weights/plyo sessions. But I want to “chill off” a bit more than before SD100. May be I need smarter recovery. Today’s longish outing was quite miserable. I accepted it as it was and just went with the flow. Some days are just like that. I had a solid week and nothing to complain about. I’ll take one not-so-stellar run.
I was thinking about Tahoe 100. This is a 100 miler above 8,000 feet. With my luck, this year it also added 3,700 feet of climb to the existing 19,300, to make it a round number of 23,000 feet of climb. I wasn’t aware of it when booked the ticket, and with my non-existent vacation at this job have a flight at 4pm Sunday night. What means I better finish before noon. What gives me 30 hrs (plus an hour to shower and such). I don’t know, man, it is not my “goal race”, and I am getting nervous. It’s a 2-looper, and I am hoping to get through first 50 in 13 hrs, and then have 16:30 for the second half. I am a bit stressing out right now…but trying to learn to get to a good head-space from all the WS100 blog-recaps, from folks who’s races might have not gone as planned, but they managed their mental energy and adjusted wisely. It’s going to be alright, right? I am banking on it!