It's Texas to you, baby!

Who would have thought? We spend 4 days running around Guads and Big Bend, parts in the blasting winds, parts in the snow blizzard, parts in a beautiful sunshine weather. Below is a sneak peak and a LINK to a full photoalbum.


First day's trip brought us to the 8750 feet - top of Guadalupe Mtn, tallest in TX. It was windy!!!

Next morning we ventured to largest caverns in US (I think) - Carlsbad caverns. It took us close to 2 miles to drop down about 750 feet and then make a 1.2M loop around the "floor" of the cave.
Next we were pushed out of McKittrick canyon by a driving rain - and this unfortunate event followed by being scared away from Dog canyon due to an ongoing snow blizzard and deteriorating road conditions.

So we turned around and went to Sitting Bull Falls - and found more trails with no snow, or rain, or wind!

Next day took us backcountry style to Guads for a long loop in over a foot of snow! With temps below zero it was fun and refreshing!

This is the view you get as you pop for the last 4M downhill. Worth struggling for.

Last day of our own vacation we spent in Big Bend national park. The night drive trough Davis mountains proved to be a huge surprise for the views and high peaks all over around - Larry had no idea (and I had no pre-judgment). As we approach the park, it was a "waste-land", boring dry hills. And then, you took a corner - and, oh, my, a huge mountain massive with so much lush green opens up!

We took a trail to the top of Emory peak, some 7832 feet - the tallest in the park (we gotta go for the biggest, right?). The whole trip, topped with a class 5 scramble (done twice, because we scaled the wrong "peak" first), was absolutely magnificent! Need to see more there, a must.

We got home - to a change of plans. Ski trip needed to be cancelled due to kids being sick (Stephen flew back from Portland today with a flu, and Harrison got a bad ear infection), so we are sticking around - but be certain, we will have fun and already have lots for local places to visit!

Happy Holidays, ya'll!!!

My new playground

Full view of the trails right at the door steps can be viewed
HERE.

Miles of thoughts

10 miles are done as the sun (or, rather, gray horizon in a drizzly mist) start coming up. Weird...how weird. 2 loops into my long run, and I don’t feel a thing. As in – I don’t feel I ran any. Granted, it’s only 10 so far, and I am taking it easy today, but still – nothing? I leave my headlamp in the car trunk, grab a gel, refill my water bottle and head out. If it continues like that, I might not have to talk myself into doing the full 30...

Yes, I am taking it easy for this long run. For no particular reason. Just as for no particular reason last weekend I did 25 in a record-breaking time for each loop – each and single one of them faster then previous, setting a best from the go and improving on it to the point I had no clue I was capable of. Oh, yeah, and it was 20F that day too. You betcha, TX has cold weather. Surprised me too. My eyeballs got frozen in about 15 minutes, and considering the fact cheap me took the headlamp I used at Cactus Rose over a month ago – and kept using on daily runs too – the dim light gave no help to those eyeballs. I couldn’t even see my hand 10 inches away, forget rocks and roots – and by now I can tell you, there are plenty to break your leg at any point of time.

But that was then. I am following my own funky schedule – I go out, start running, and in a mile decide what kind of run it is going to be. Funny thing is, for about 3 out of 4 I happen to have a great one, and the times are dropping on each of my loops. Even though I don’t look at the watch until I am done. Just happens...

So, easy it is today, even though all systems are “on” and “go”. Just a lot of thoughts. Plenty to sort through. They keep me entertained, busy and amused. Personal thoughts. About love. Marriage. Work to keep both alive – I think I elaborated on it numerous times back when then. To love is to consciously choose to put on an effort, be uncomfortable at times, allow yourself be vulnerable. To love is to always remember what makes the other person feel loved, not what you think you’d like.

I am on my 3rd loop, and still gliding rather easily. I think about our family visit to meet Larry’s family on Oklahoma. I think of his Grandma. Somehow, out of nowhere, a memory of my nephew pops up – in a casket. Larry’s Grandma died shortly after our visit. I touched her face as we were leaving – thought about giving a kiss. That’s what brought Michael – I couldn’t give him a kiss when I came home, almost 5 years ago, to say goodbye to him. 5 years, oh, my...unbelievable. Did the pain got easier? Did it get away? My eyes swelled up...for a minute I can’t see the downhill, and I make myself focus.

I lost one child. I pretty close to lost another – but I am holding on to him. We talk, when he calls. I talked quite some to the folks who shelter him these days, back in Portland. Nice people...open hearts...gave home to many of their 3 son’s friends and their friends on the road of looking for who they are. I hold on to hope Alex will too. Some day...

Half-way done. Still feel nothing at all. Now, it is something new. I gotta feel something after 15 miles, no? But now, it’s all “downhill”, so to speak, miles rolling backwards. And, so far, every loop, as relaxed as I go, gets a minute faster. I am not trying, I swear. I am just all in my thoughts...

I think of my body. I really admire it. I love it – it takes me places. I treat it with respect. May be not in terms what I put in it – food is food, just calories. But I listen to it. I truly do. I am so in tune with it when I make my first step every morning, it is scary. How well I learnt it since I started on this running path...how I trust it to make best decisions. It’s mid-loop #4, and finally my glutes asked something like “What, we are not on the couch?” Funny how it is, I still feel like I just started. I think about Stephen and Harrison, and how I told Larry, he better prepare, Harrison will never be the same now that he has an older brother. I am all for letting kids explore – within limits, absolutely – and decide for themselves whether they like long hair or short, skate-boarding or biking, skinny jeans or baggy. This is minor, if you ask me. But if we let them make decisions on these, they might, just might listen to us on something bigger...I should know, I’ve made my share of mistakes.

Almost 4 years since Alex went to that first boarding school. Has it really been that long? My boys turned 14 and 19 last Wednesday – yep, my 5-year-apart twins had a birthday. Am I that old? Holly-molly. I have a 19 year old...what does it make me? Oh, yeah, right, I just turned 40.

I contemplate on it for a bit – and come to the car. 20 miles in the bag, and I feel awesome. Another minute slashed, another gel in – off I go. It is still misty, drizzle comes and goes. Reminds me of Portland, place I called “home” for 5 years. I miss it. It is normal to miss a place you fell in love with. I miss trails, I miss weather (yes, crazy rainy gray days un-end), I miss my friends, I miss speaking Russian to my Russian friends. I don’t have anybody here...not yet. Larry has a tall order – in a meantime replace everything and everyone to me. It’s a lot to ask. I know that. I am trying to be kind and not to overwhelm. I already know I am weird – I am too much. Too much to be with, to talk to, to connect with. One day I’ll make that trip and recall my whole life to someone. I just don’t think there is enough time in a day for that:)

Before I know it – somehow I am on loop 6th, my last one. It is exhilarating to think that I’ve done 25 miles and haven’t even noticed when I started my last loop! I am thinking what shape I am in. Pretty good, I’d say. Not perfect a-la 2005, but good in a long while. I didn’t apply to WS, but got missed out on MMT100 lottery -–was somewhat bitter about it. Had to pick something to do by June, since it is nearly impossible to train here through the summer (I prefer to prep for the first 100, then just make it through the rest of the summer from race to recovery to taper to next race). I did it before anyway. So, San Diego 100 it is for me. Funny, 64 100M races around the country – but either not best fitting schedule (too late for the first in the season) or the course is so un-appealing, I don’t even blink on it. Everything lottery these days...how can you possible plan anything in normal family life, if you sit on a waiting list for 4-6 months waiting whether or not you get in?

I guess I’ve been in sport for a long time, if I sound like my mom in life. Lots changed since 2003, when you pretty much jump a day before – or a year in advance. I signed up for Umstead 100 1 month before the race! Now it’s gone 9 months prior...

Oh, well. Whining doesn’t help. Running does. So I run. Go lift weight too. I truly believe in benefits of it. Plyometrics, lunges, step-ups and squats. No machines, none of those “curl this and press that”. Only functional stuff. May be that’s why my times get better and I run hills without even noticing they are actually hills? There is a dude at the gym we go to, who gets on Olympic squat bar next to one I get to at the same time. We laugh. We have an internal competition – one we joke about, and one that by now the whole gym floor is following. It started with a nod and a smile – and now I am (not really, but a little) trying to catch him and beat him. I squat with 200 lbs this week. He did 230. Not far behind, considering the fact I weigh 130 lbs, and he – about 180. I also do more reps. We both do “ladder” up and down. I think he is scared:) Overall, it is fun.

I like fun things. I am not good adhering to things unless I make them fun. This time for me, running technical trails with hills for strength and agility and running roads for the suffer-fest of moving my legs on flats is fun. I would like to get back to the track – but right now it doesn’t sound like fun. I know I have to, though, and I will. Once I beat this guy:)

Jeez, look, last downhill to the end! So many thoughts, such a great time. I like running with myself. We are a good company for each other. We are tough together. Some say – unnecessary. Did I need to go for 68 miles after I cracked my tailbone? No, but if I stopped, I wouldn’t have respected myself. I only stop when I physically can’t go. I am Russian. I am so very proud of who I am. I am from the nation that won over Napoleon – and over Hitler – all by itself, not due to smart commanders, but because of the people. Who know how to suffer. This is where our pride is. We know. We also can emotionally connect like no others. I know that too. I will forever remember it – not that I could forget. We get it with breast milk. And we pass it on...

Oops, and I am done. Nothing hurts, and I feel like I could at least crank another 15. Funny, this is what I told Larry who went to run a Fat Ass 50k event down at Bandera – after you’re done, you gotta feel like you can do 15 more. But you gotta run it at 90% of race pace. I didn’t think I ran 90% effort. Apparently, my time said I did. I’ll take it. It is my last visit of multi-looping for a long run. Next weekend we go to run around the lake for 30 miles or so, and then, as our boys go spend Christmas week with their other respective parents – drive for a running adventure in Guadeloupe Mountains! Yes, you heard me right, Texas has mountains...even if to get to them it takes 7 hr drive. It is going to be our little honeymoon – we haven’t been alone since Stephen and I moved in. This is going to be fun – run mountains, gaze at the star, explore caves, visit Big Bend park...and then, as we are back, on the morning of 27th grab the kids and head out to New Mexico for a ski trip! Yay!

Oh, and that last loop...faster than each before and touched one of my “best times”. hell, yeah! Go figure:)

A book I am reading

It's been quiet around, and as I said in email to Craig, "I think there are many reasons. First of all, I think blogworld is dying a slow death in general. Is it a Facebook, Twitter, "big dogs" blogging now and are more interesting for general readers, or is it just time, I don't know. Likely, a combination of all the things. A dialog died off, and writing is not that exciting for no comments. And yes, it's off-season. I also don't have those beautiful views of the Gorge anymore from my long runs. And no, I am not complaining."
That's right, no complains. In fact, while running, working and doing other regular life-related things, I am reading a great book, From Everest to Enlightenment. This book was given to Larry as a gift by an author, Alan Hobson, after Larry sent him and his wife off to an adventurous hiking trip in New Mexico where they haven't been before. I've read a few books about Everest. In fact, "Into thing air" was THE book that spurred me into running. Not quite. The book awoke a sense of adventure in me that was asleep after having 2 kids and being submerged into work that wasn't exciting yet produced security. The book made me want to climb Everest one day - and I went on to climb Mt. Washington in NH, the "windiest peak in US", that very winter, in February, in 30F below zero with winds above 50 mph and gusts up to 80 mph, and windchill at 50F below. It was knocking us off the feet, back then, and sadly, I don't remember the year. Was it 2001? Must have been. I wasn't running yet, then, in February. But I was as butt-headed as I am today. Crawling on my hands and knees and leaving Oleg in fear for life. How unprepared we were! All the power-bars got frozen, so did the water. The only thing staying intact was konjak - what Russian is without a drink? That's all we had...We never reached the summit that first time, turning back less than a quarter mile away from the top, blown by wind and full of humility...3 months later I went to run my first 5k, out of nowhere, on a dare from a friend, and later yet Oleg had become a mountaineer with his own aspirations.

I am not sure I want to climb Everest anymore. It doesn't stand in front of me as a goal that would fulfill my life. Many other things did - and are - and will. And this book might be not the best (what do I know?), not to mention I am only about 20% into it and haven't even touched the climb itself. What I do see is a very smart person taking lessons with every step in life - and interweaving great quotes (I am a sucker for quotes) in such way that I can't put the book down. I couldn't even step down from a Stairmaster tonight, trying to read more.

The quotes...so well put so often and so timely...are the ones I hold dear to my heart. The ones I want to live by, believe in, and yet, being a human, often fall short of. "Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently" (Henry Ford). So, I get up, dust off and try again. Forgiveness can be difficult to achieve - especially self-forgiveness. "Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory" (Mohandas Gandhi) Lots to learn from the People. We are all students in life. One thing that I had a clear thought of - if this book was given to Larry by Alan, I must have married the right man. The right man for me. Because if he sees world the way I see it - together no mountains will give us fear. Who would have thought this quiet man has passions I dream about? How could I know that the glycogen-deprived tired brain on my personal journey (and where but New Mexico?) of a Jemez 50M race would allow me to meet a person I'd love to share more journeys in life that I might be able to afford to live through, while he softly hardly spoke? And where else but on the mountain trails, stripped down to the bare soul, can you find such thing as a soul mate? I am giving thanks - these holiday season - to Mother Nature. the one that never falters to call for truth, for what's inside you. For giving me passion. For allowing me to share it with many. And for making sure I meet someone on the way to hold hands with.

"When the pursuit of natural harmony is a shared journey, great heights can be attained" (Lynn Hill)