It ain't over until it's over

Zane Grey...what can be said about it besides what had already been said? It is brutal, it is beautiful, it will test your will, it will chew you up and spit it out, and it's up to you to decide how you feel about all this. And trust me, you will feel pretty bad before you feel awesome:)

I did Zane Grey twice before. 2006 was one of my best performances in ultra career and 2007 proved to me that you never ever give up. I guess that played a huge role in my 2009 run. I didn't train this year. I think I said it million times by now, my life this year just doesn't include proper training. I am not making any excuses, and I don't feel like I have to justify why it is the way it is. It just is. I haven't done any hills whatsoever, I don't lift weights, I am not even into long runs, and my Gorge outings, rare as they are, are just fun. So, I entered for 2 reasons: Larry needed to face his demons from 2007, and I wanted to see Angie. I figured, it's a hiker's course, I might as well hike it...

Larry and I arrived early Friday morning, and after making our way to Payson, we went to check out the start. It looks pretty good on the first half a mile, doesn't it? We both knew all too well our smiles might fade quickly tomorrow:) Larry did our pace charts. He used my 2006 "real splits" and adjusted it for himself (I'll let him tell you his story) and for me - for 13 and 14 hrs. Frankly, I wasn't even going to think about 13 hrs, but 14 was optimistic hope, although I told everyone I am after 15. Juts in case, you know, I am a lazy racer, I hate disappointing myself...

We drove to start with Jamal and Nick Coury and their friend Jake making his foray into ultras. Jamal was to race (and he won!!! here, I sold the story. Nicki Kimball was second overall, no surprises) and Nick - to stay with Jake the whole way. It was chilly, but not bad. The forecast called for mild 70's and overcast, with wind gusts up to 50 mph. I shoved myself into mid-field and cranked my i-Pod. The trail quickly turned up, climbing ridiculous amount, but because I wasn't straining myself, I kept thinking how was that 3 years ago I suffered so much here? I loly-gagged up, making some miles with a guy named David who knew me through Angie's blog, and exchanging places with 2 pairs of runners, letting them pass on uphill/flat and taking them on dowhills. The sunrise came up and lit the horizon...beautiful. This is why I am here.


Besides those 4 guys, I quickly became all alone. For the first few hours that didn't bother me a bit, and I kept enjoying the views, the gnarly trails and my music.


And then the real fun began!


Zane Grey is famous for it's rocks. You can't run it - either up or down. I should know. I was fine with that. I showed up at the first 2 aid stations right on 14 hr pace, picked up my extra bottle at mile 17 and happily left. Soon after it became bad...the brush wasn't cut at all. It had never been like that in years I ran the course before. We had to go through torn, often sideways, and the sharp ends were leaving deep cuts on legs, arms and anywhere you can imagine. It slowed even the walk to the point, I laughed at first, then swore a lot, then became really angry.




You can see I am not all that happy anymore:) It was also time when I had nobody around. And I mean - nobody. Not ahead, not behind. It got really lonely out there. I lost it, I honestly did. I was resigning doing races when untrained, resigning training, resigning running altogether. Why bother? What's in it for me? I had done it all, and I can retire now. I am not interested, I can still get out in the mountains and enjoy my time there, I just don't need to subject myself to the brutality of getting ready for the race and to participate in them. I fell off the 14 hr pace, and while it wasn't hurting mt ego (I was prepared for it), it was just not fun anymore. And - I was bored out of my mind. I played with a thought of quitting at 33M AS. Angie was coming down, my ever-faithful crew, flying all the way from Canada to just help me out, but since she was late, I wasn't sure when would I see her. I really couldn't drop at 33 by myself as it's nearly imposable to get to the finish line, or find her elsewhere. A mile from mile 33 2 ladies passed me, and I didn't even get upset...

I come down to 33, and hear a scream let out - and who is there but Angie! Oh, no. First thing I said - now I should drop. But this is Angie, with her unfazed : "you look good, get out of here, nothing hurts". Nothing hurt, that's for sure.



I wasn't pushing! I whined as I changed my bottles and piled gels into the pack, but she set me out, and I started getting determined. This is ridiculous! Here is the girl who has this straight faith in me, and I am whining. Nobody made me do it, I did it myself! Off I went...into gusty winds, more gnarly trails and more insane ups and downs.

Last 17M is my territory. This is what I came here for. I am a hunter. I am looking for prey. And tired runners are right there, slowing down, letting me play my games. I know it may not sound nice, but this is the way I operate. I run, I don't race. But when I do - I am looking for someone to pass. And I am doing it only in the last 20% of the race, no matter the distance. It's not fair, but it gives me purpose to make my way to the finish line. I bounce full of energy, and I push, finally. I am behind 14hr, but I set a goal, and I work towards it. My attention span is not long enough to do it the whole distance, but it's enough to do it right here, right now. I make these 11 miles stretch in 3:15, a time under 14hr pace, and enter 44M AS on a fly. A few miles before that I prepare for the final push - get my headlamp out (they wouldn't let me out in case I finish in the dark), put my Moeben sleeves on (it's cold in the wind), move my gels out of the pack into the bottle pockets, and, most importantly, "make a face". A face of a racer. No more loly-gagging. It's time to give my all...

I bust into last AS at 44M, and I am on fire. Drop the pack, ask Angie to fill my bottle with water, pour Red Bull I've been caring since start into another bottle and out in no time. I got 1:50 to break 14, I might as well try.

I think I scared many folks on this last stretch. I run like a madman, in 2006 I did it in 1:30. I am not a runner I used to be, but I try. Music busting in my ears, folks walking slow, I am smiling ear to ear - hi, how are you, beautiful day - I am in search for the last stretch. I remember it vividly, like it was yesterday, and I float over rocks. I hear a road parallel trail, I know it's near. Could I possibly? Last turn. 13:46. I am done. I am done with this race. For now...for good!

Larry and Angie are there, super-happy to see me happy. We get cute hoodies and a picture from mile 18 crossing a creek (how nice!) - and we are off. I ask Larry how it went for him, because he looks extremely satisfied, if he got his goal, if he broke my best - and hear "Well, you are a bad ass! Now, I’m gonna have to go back out there and try and beat your time." So much for having enough of Zane Grey:)

We make our way back, eat, trying not to fall asleep in the plates, assess our damage - Drymax socks and Fireblades are a great combination for the feet, body doesn't hurt one bit (I guess we didn't push enough, ha!), but the legs are scary looking.

The sleep is restless as usual after such endeavor, and Sunday is spent exploring awesome Red Rock area and Tonto National Forest with cacti.


Would I recommend this race? In a heartbeat. It's crazy. Just the way I like it:)

p.s. So, I went back and re-read my reports from previous ZG50 runs. Should have done it before...it almost seems like I copied and pasted! I am guessing this course brings same emotions to me, along with many problems, and it also seems that for each of us every ultra has a point when we swear off running things like that again. Funny. Good to know that, wish I remembered it when those thoughts do come in during the race:) My point is, go, get out there, do it. Most likely, you'll be happy you did. And if not - you'll have stories to tell!

Bliss

I have an amazingly blessed life. I really do. It's not that it's without its hardships, and it's not that I don't get into a funk and feel bad at times, and even cry. But overall, I am truly happy...

Trillium's are blooming full out. About a month ago Gail pointed me that they started showing their buds off, and the last couple of weeks they are just everywhere in Portland. I was stopping to "smell the roses" - or trilliums in my case - on today's morning venture to Forest Park, thinking how blessed I am. I walked a lot, simply because this is what I wanted to. After a single run on Friday that was resembling training, the rest of my runs this week are just that - contemplating on life. Being happy.

Alex visited 3 times over a week's period, and that was happiness. No, it's not like wheels turned around, but talking to my son as we drive (I read just recently this is when best conversations with teenagers happen, likely because they are not intimidated by adult "hovering" over them) brought me to so much peace. Stephen finished his 3rd quarter, and while there are things to work on, he is a great kid, and we talk a lot - in the car, by the way, is the best, as we drive home from boxing. Oleg had a birthday yesterday, and I got to meet his girlfriend, a wonderful woman who I felt connected to in an instant. We all met at a mutual friend's house, Katya, who is yet another fantastic person. I talked to mys sister a couple of days ago, and she is my biggest friend and support. I have my health, a job with a paycheck, a desire to become a professional where I can bring happiness to other's lives, a roof over the head and food on the table. I have a passion for trails, whether it's running hard and doing well - oh, just stroll and enjoy. I have an unbelievable community of friends, just can't say enough about them. And I have met someone, given a second chance, who I can't picture to live without, and who is the most understanding person in the world, who makes me feel safe and cared for.

I am blessed. Yes, I will have more bad hours, bad days and even bad weeks. Yes, there is more to wish for, but right now - I have enough.

Having enough, whatever your definition is, is a bliss in its own right.

Stephen and I are about to head to the movie, and then I'll pack for Zane Grey. It'll be my 3rd embarking to this race, by far I am the least prepared for, but I will get to see Angie, to spend time with Larry and see him succeed, and to enjoy those crazy rocky trails up in high desert. Isn't that a bliss? Larry is at the boy scout camp with his son Harrison to get that advanced patch (pardon my lack of knowledge of definition, I think it's "wolf"?), and I would love to be there as well to see Harrison thrive - last week I was at his scout meeting and it was total fun! And tomorrow - tomorrow I am off to the Gorge with Monika, my "sister by heart", my darling, and we will be inhaling the beauty of the most awesome natural setting I will never seize to love. And - it's 80F here and sunny!

What's the post about? I am not sure. Feelings got so overwhelming, I had to let them out. I hope you don't mind:)

p.s. you gotta see "17 again"! You will laugh, and you will cry (I did, both). And it's a great one to take your kids to.

p.p.s. The outing was awesome!We had a great time with Monika, and at the end ran into Gail, Liz and Kamm. Gail turned back with us and we spent another few miles, the Three Amigos, with my best girlfriends, and my heart was singing because they are absolutely wonderful! And the weather couldn't have been better, absolutely not!

Vegas, Baby!

What's wrong with these two photos a day apart?


Do they even have anything in common? How could it possibly be? Well, it's action-packed Vegas trip! And if you are reading this blog, it means you, like Larry and I, prefer running wild to gambling and shows!

Friday's introductory was great. Practically straight from the airport we drove to Red Rock Canyon park and changed into our running clothes after talking with rangers and looking at the maps (note - Larry is a total nerd when it comes to maps:)). We opted for a long rocky jeep road to some pass for about 4 miles, ran it down, and then embarked on a 7M loop of single-track trails. At the end of the road section the weather threatened a bit with a some rain and winds, the temperatures dropped a few degrees and Larry wasn't happy. After all, he is not a high mileage runner - he is a quality runner. But poor soul is stuck with me, as I rather go long and slow, and did I mention long?, and simply wander around:) Luckily for me, the sun came out again and the single track brought our spirits high up to have an awesome outing for the day!





For the next day we had different plans. At some point somewhere I didn't for the life of me remember where I read about an 18M loop in the mountains 60 miles off Las Vegas. I had no further information. At the same time Larry found Mt. Charleston exactly 60 miles away with a ski resort and a simple trail map off internet, and we thought we'll do some running and may be later - some skiing. Boy, were we glad we had at least some warm clothes! As we approached the area, it showed snow - and the more in we drove, the more it was white!

As we looked at the map Larry had printed out, he pointed at 16.6M horse-shoe loop, and if we connect it with 1.4M road section we get that perfect 18M loop - I am positive that was what I read about! So, we parked at the end we would finish, and pulled on all the clothes we had in the car. As we reached the trailhead, the beauty was absolutely stunning and what was even more striking - seeing it was the last thing you'd imagine when talking about Vegas! Deep fresh snow, bright sun, all smiles, we were making our way up. The starting point was at some 7,000+ feet and the peak of Charleston mountain would be looming at 11,900 feet. That was a big "wow"! We couldn't stop enjoying it!



We followed a couple of fresh footsteps, probably made about 2 hrs prior, and in a few places Larry taught me how to recognize trail under snow (it somewhat leveled versus a sharp slope of the rest of the mountain) and connect a very well marked trees with blazes. The guys ahead of us went off the original trail, and I was happy to be the one in the lead doing the trail search! I, an infamous lost case when it comes to finding the trail! Hey, I get lost in 80% of the races on well-marked courses, yet along unknown trails! It was fun...until the weather begun to turn to the worst.




Looking back at the pictures, it is obvious we are embarking into a typical white-out on the mountain. But I get very single-minded and stubborn when run (or do whatever), and it's nearly impossible to turn me around. Soon after those 2 guys who's footsteps we roughly followed turned back - and they had full mountain gear, completed with crampons, ice axes and heavy boots! We, on the other hands, had our trail racing flats on (Fireblades) with skimpy windbreakers. There was no more steps to follow, and I was the one breaking the trail in over a foot of fresh snow - which started falling rather heavily. Winds picked up, and temps dropped far, far below freezing. We stopped eating and drinking, my hands wouldn't move (thankfully, Larry had an extra pair of gloves!), and we didn't feel our feet for a long time now.



Soon after not only dehydration and glycogen depletion caused some tunnel vision and headaches, I begun to develop my favorite loss of vision due to altitude (gladly - or not - I already knew what it is after loosing one eye's vision completely and another almost when attempted Handy's peak in CO last summer first day off zero altitude). I still wasn't going to turn...


Slopes became more and more treacherous (if possible to be more so), and Larry firmly said we will turn around at 2pm. I heard it before from mountaineers - finish all you do in the mountains before noon and head back, this is when the weather is dangerous. It was my third time living it. At some point, finally - thank God! - I realized that climbing last 0.7M with 1000 feet of gain to the top and then dropping on the other side, with no trail to follow, snow blizzard, exhausted physically and mentally, frozen cold, is simply stupid. I agreed to go back.

Wow...what an adventure. Even making same steps was pretty hard, but we came down, and only with about 2 miles left did we see the sun again, and funny thing - that last piece of trail totally melted by our return. I guess this side of the mountains never had a storm...

All in all, we still made it 18M that day, just different, and it was so much fun, sick as it was, I wouldn't have it other way. Next day the sun shone brightly, not a cloud in the sky, but we had no regrets. Obviously, we didn't go skiing that day, taking over 2 extra hours longer than expected...

Sunday was all about local again. All that time we stayed in a nicest place right next to Red Rock canyon, and we squeezed a 7M loop (in opposite direction than Friday's run) at a very good clip before checking out of a hotel.




After a shower and a breakfast we went back to the park and added on some couple of hours of hiking on boulders in canyon. I was out of running clothes and opted for a dress, for what got form a couple of groups "look, there is that girl in sundress" exclamation. Our reaction was "hell, yeah, and I can kick your behind with it! If I can run a 100 miler wearing a skirt, what's wrong with doing some measly hike wearing a dress? As long as I have my trail running shoes on..."


It was an awesome weekend, just a dream. Everything - everything - was simply perfect. A huge shout out of thank you to Monika and family for taking care of Stephen this weekend, he had a grand time with them! And on top of it - I passed my by-pass challenge Pathology test! Yeah, man! Life is good!

A wonderful weekend

Actually, the whole week was nothing short of wonderful. And since this is some kind of running blog (more or less, at least it started that way), I can even claim I kind of trained...nah, I ran and was happy:) I'll add some stats since I am not sure if I come around them again, in case some minds wonder. I ended up with 197M for January, 286M for February and 300M for March. Mile-wise, I am in good shape. Speed and hills - not so much...but then again, we talked about it enough lately.

So, Monday I had a nice solo run along Barton creek in Austin for 10 miles. I planned to make it my longest day of the week since Larry was at work, but while the weekend was warm, it was pretty dry (air), unlike on Monday it was 85F and humid. I can honestly admit I can't deal with humidity well. I was dripping and had general fatigue, so called the turn-around sooner. Oh, well, I enjoyed it still.

Tuesday was self-imposed rest day, which I needed (or not, but I got one anyway). I spent it still in Austin and then flying back home.

Wednesday was back to schedule. I didn't wake up early enough for a morning routine because I wanted to see Stephen (who was asleep when I made it home at 1am), but I did my usual "boxing loop" of 8M just fine. What I keep noticing is that while I don't do any traditional speed work, and keep my runs rather mellow and joyful for the soul, my effort to get same routes in same (and even faster) times is getting much less demanding. It feels that I slog hardly moving, and I think - this run will definitely add on 10 minutes - and end up beating my usual time. So, may be there is something about that Maffetone method or the Van Aaken Method...may be I'll even dig out my HRM one day to see what I am really doing out there.

Thursday I ran to work. Yet again, the time was good, it felt like I am walking yet apparently I wasn't. Also, my school - spring term - started, and I have class of Massage Lower Body (don't we all need it??) on Thursday nights now. I just have to figure out when to squeeze 2 hrs of required massage practices weekly in my life...

Friday I made it to the gym. Gym is something I fall out of easily once I take a short break. Either that or I overdid it while was dealing with hip stress fracture and got fed up. Just not excited about prospect of going there, but once I am in - I work out hard. And it leaves me sore:) I also did 4M there for kicks. So, at night, per Stephen's schedule, I was back for "boxing loop" 8M, running well and happy.

But the real deal was on the weekend. Portland got blessed. On days like we have now I understand why I love to live here - it's 70F, sunny and beautiful. I packed 2 bottles and was off to the Gorge, all by myself, and oh, what a majestic morning it was! As I was driving, I still had no idea what is that I will do, and came up with a loop of 15M and about 4700 feet of gain. I am alone, right, who cares how long it would take me? Well, first of all, I had to be home at certain time, secondly, I always claim I run better alone. So I did, despite sore muscles from weights and minor aches of dragging injuries (which never stopped me, although it is likely very stupid of me). What a day it was! The views! I swore on myself for not taking a camera, but then decided - what the heck, I am taking it all in to the heart! I have enough pictures of Gorge to last a lifetime, but this day I was looking at all of the beauty not through the lens of my camera, but with eyes wide open. I couldn't stop getting tight chest, and at few places yelled "I love you" - yes, to the Gorge, silly me. Boy, this place truly treats anything, from depression to injuries. I was done sooner than anticipated, and with a grin that a lottery winner would be jealous of.

The day was crazy. Come home, clean up, have "showing" (my condo is on the market, interested?), take Stephen, grocery shopping, Home Depot shopping, library time (books for Stephen's school), drive back, watch a movie together "Supersize me" (Yuk!!! A whole topic of conversation! Holly cow! Kind of obvious points, but put together make life simply gross!). Then jump in the car - and drive Stephen to boxing tournament, to cheer on the team (he wasn't matched, but we still went, and had a good time there). By the time we were back, I could only crash in bed, thinking I have another long run planned...

That I wanted to do alone again (see above), but Gail called and offered a company. Honestly, I was "thinking" while agreeing - I had such a fantastic time by myself...and I keep feeling guilty about slowing my friends down these days. I didn't go to Rumble for many reasons (mainly because I wanted and needed to spend a weekend with my kid between my travels), and Gail bailed out as well. She was coming off a cold earlier in the week, Sid was tired and decided to stay home, she wanted to be with him, and she didn't feel fit enough...but what totally made my day today was when she said somewhere in the middle of our run: I weighed options of running at Rumble, taking early start, being alone for the most part - or running with Olga and talking about things...and Olga won. If that doesn't melt your heart, I don't know what will. And talk we did. I think in the whole 21 miles (and we picked the hilliest route since I am at least pretending that I am thinking about training for Hardrock) we were quiet for a mile, between 10 and 11, just to get over a hump. What I love about Gail is how deep our conversations go, where they lead, and what we discuss. How can we ALWAYS have topics and never run out of opinions, I don't know, but we do (have)and don't (run out of). And it was another warm, sunny, gorgeous day! Me in skirt and one shirt - that's unheard of! I am always cold and wear jacket, Gail was surprised to see me not having one this morning! What a beautiful day...beautiful run. In the last 6 miles I officially announced that my legs are mushed (ha! and this week only accumulated 72 miles, just tells you how soft I got with no weekly Gorge outings, one day - and I am beat up), but she stayed with me, and we chatted, and still ran, albeit slowly, and still made it in time I wanted to.

I have another busy day with my kid and general life ahead, and next week the cycle starts again. When I woke up at 5am this morning, I thought what a crazy sport we have that makes us do such thing day in and day out, when will I ever get enough sleep, when will I ever wake up when it's light outside, why do I have to get my ass out the door...but miles and hours pass, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Howard Thurman.

Waddle on, my friends. Waddle on...

Running in Texas

I spent a wonderful long weekend in Austin with Larry. We ran a bunch of miles, cooked a ton of food, did the Boy Scout thing with Harrison and visited Massage School with an awesome backyard garden and a spa and a very welcoming and nice admission lady. We saw a crappy movie in a theater and a solid movie about Russian history on TV. We went to walk on streets of the city and toured the Capitol and had fun there. In a process we agreed that we are each "loner" runner, and it works best to hit a trailhead together and then split up. I loved running along Barton Creek and seeing all the other runners, hikers and bikers being nice and friendly. The weather was beautiful. In a meantime, Stephen spent a week of spring break with Oleg and his girlfriend's family in San Francisco and they had a grand time as well. I missed my kid a whole bunch and got a huge bear hug this morning when he woke up. I decided to not go for the RUmble this weekend and spend time with my son. Ah, so all worth it!!!