Run More Talk Less

Proud mama

2012-01-31T15:25:00.004-06:00

I won't go into too many details, but if you managed to follow this blog since it's inception at the end of 2005, you might somehow remember I used to write a lot about my feelings, and especially about my older son, who since February of 2006 had been in Montana Trouble Teen Boarding school for a year, Florida Military-oriented trouble-teen boarding school for 7 months, left house at 17 and half under my rules, lived on streets and couch-surfed, did drugs, stole, partied, served time (13 months, half of which was in rehab facility), got out, got kicked out of 2 housing projects for former felons due to coming back to drugs, couch-surfed more...We always maintained an honest relationship. It was steady no matter how unsteady his (and, actually, my) lives were. There were times he'd disappear for a couple of months, and I would barely know he is still alive. Then we'd talk. I never scolded him, never read lectures - not since he was out from under my roof. From the moment he left the key to my place on the table - he was an adult, or at least he was trying to be. It was up to him to grow up, I couldn't do it for him. I cherished the ability of his to always tell me the truth, however harsh it was. That was very important to me. That, and the idea that the real road to recovery would have to be taken when and if he is ready, not because someone wants him to, or for parents' sake, nor even for the sake of the law. He had to want it. I told him I will patiently await, and will support every step in that direction - nothing else. But I will forever love him, my son, my first-born, always a difficult one, and for that always precious.

He started a community college this January. Just one class. I told him I'd pay for 1 class and if he thinks he wants more, we'll discuss next semester. He hasn't missed a day. He got new parole officer. He is on a strict schedule of all the meetings and drug tests. He got leads to the jobs kind to ex-felons and potential housing. He wants more school and more work. And to top it all off - he sounds excited. That I haven't heard in many, many years...

oh also i wanted to let u know that things r only getting better right now my PO referred me to this program upstairs in their building that helps with housing and employment and much more im signing into this place downtown called the outside in and i have an appointment on thursday at 2 to get set up they give meals and a place to stay for free as long as im doing something productive and seeing as how im going to school right now it is already productivity as well as the fact that my counselor gave me an 8 page list of felony friendly jobs so soon i will be employed living downtown and saving money for my own place hopefully b4 the end of the world i will be on my feet

life is good

never thought id say it in my position but life is good

I hope i make u proud mom i hope so

it was all the stupid drugs n stuff

No, it's not a magic switch, and yes, I do expect setbacks. But I can't be not thrilled for the first time in all those years, because what I hear is not what I demand in respond yet rather his own words coming out with a huge smile that I can see on his face through two thousand miles.

It's much easier to be a proud parent of a perfect child. You know, one who learned to read at 4 (he did, in both languages), or who knew math without listening to a teacher (yep), or one who is a gifted musician (both on piano and guitar, notes or by ear). I never doubted my son has a core in him that anyone would envy. I never stopped believing in that something that I knew we gave him - and he cultivated it, through wild days, lonely hungry days, scary days, brain-clouded days...I knew.

Grit...who cares if you can run a marathon fast, or a 100 miler through the mountains. Life is where it tested. Your character. Your grit. Your desire. Your patience. Your love. Your core.

Small stuff, which we shouldn't sweat, even if we sweat during it.

2012-01-20T09:48:00.002-06:00

I am working hard and fighting tooth and nail to keep fitness level and even up it a notch. I came to almost enjoy spin classes (5 times a week) to the point I don't care who instructor is (some really suck) as long as I give it an absolute honest push. Apparently, my HR could go up to 240 at max? Is it even possible? But that's what the count says at the top of my panting loud interval. I even bought a stationary bike for home and stuck it in the office, where I add on some even-paced moderate effort spins at times (and so does my step-son when he is with us). On two of the days of the week that don't provide spin class at 5:30 am (for which I wake up at 4:30 am and hear Larry's "why" as I drag him with me twice a week), I crack a StepMill high and pound climbing. All 5 days include weight training. The weekend go for "longer runs", which combines of hopping between StairMaster-Spin Class-StepMill-Elliptical for 2 hrs total. May be I'll try a short jog on trails tomorrow. Yes, and I've been religious with PT 2xday. Bikram yoga's great, we have a new instructor on Mondays and I love her to pieces so I now switched to Monday. She reminds me of me back in NYC: force, sarcasm, gentle push, great stories, cracking jokes, remembering people's names, encouraging, hands-on (neither is often seen at Bikram studio due to franchised way of a monolog and standing on a "podium"). Also want to go back to Ashtanga on Wednesdays at the gym, but this week American Idol began, and it's a family affair (don't judge, my kids hooked me up on it back 10 seasons ago, so I haven't missed one yet). I am going to DVR next week and squeeze everything in. Do I see results? How would I know if I don't run? Thus I want to try, but last Sunday on a 2M trail hike with my son one mile was one too much for my foot. It was still beautiful, the River Trail (a.k.a. Staircase) being the best urban gem in Austin. I miss it so much...

On a positive note, my girlfriend is going to use my registration for 3M Half-marathon, so I feel much better - the money is not wasted and somebody very dear to me can benefit (she couldn't afford to pay for it at the moment) while reviving her resolve to train and run. That is good.

Work is finally gotten into a smooth full schedule (science, you know, after a long break experiments need to pick up, cells to grow, blah-blah, unlike Larry dove head first and disappeared in his numbers and presentations). I had taken a back-sit with my business to make sure I provide stability to my son while he is finishing up high school (to ensure I am home same time in the evenings), and keeping a base-level at it for a few friends as well as to have the certification fresh and up to date. But I had began dreaming of going full-time into it once Stephen is out. It's a far-fetched plan (2.5 years away), but it is what it is. We all make decisions based on what's best for us.

I plan to visit Portland for a day at the end of February to see my older son, Alex (thank God for reward miles and free ticket). He actually takes a class at PCC, and I hope he stays at it. That's as much as I can say at the moment.

My sister had an oral surgery yesterday, but it was done poorly, and she was hospitalized today for more surgery. It's Friday night there, and the weekend is coming. WTF? When she had a surgery done for her colon cancer, the first round they left a piece of gauze and a plastic tube in. As in "forgot". She had to be opened up again. My parents are too old/sick/not mobile. I feel pretty crappy, but all I can do is pray (I can't even call to talk to her).

Life is going on. Winter has always been a little on a SAD side, even when in Texas. But we always rebound, right? So we will, again, this year.

I dream of mountains and trails.

Olympic Trials Marathon in Houston

2012-01-14T18:25:00.000-06:00

6 hours drive and 3 hours cheering...that's our Saturday for inspiration. Larry took about 350 photos, and I cropped and downloaded a handful of those I care for HERE. Between being totally in awe and trying to digest the perfect form, we managed to yell our heart out for a few of friends of ours - yes, ultrarunners! They can be fast too! The Team USA is going to be great! Max King is the most versatile runner in my memory, Josh Cox displayed his usual speed, Mike Wardian had a rough day. Devon Crosby-Helms had shown all how to go for the goal once set so far out of reach, and Meghan Arbogast is simply not letting age define her - and her 4th Olympic Trials at 50. What a morning!
Men's results
Women's results

Running is cancelled.

2012-01-11T15:07:00.013-06:00

Saw a doctor. Dirty laundry list below (left foot):
- compressive neuropathy 1st branch Lateral Plantar Nerve (Baxter nerve) with adverse neural tension
- FHL/FDL stenosing tenosynovitis
- distal plantar fasciapathy
- partial tear of medial plantar fascia at calconeus
- mild metatarsalgia/capsulitis 2nd metatarsal
- Cuboid syndrome
- mild herniation L3/L4

The whole list is either caused by #1 or causes #1 to develop/worsen. The diagnosis of entrapment was correct...only a different nerve is the issue. Or, may be it was in conjunction, but not the main cause of this incredibly increasingly bad pain. I am pretty pissed off at over a month of time wasted on wrong therapy. For the future, if you need to know the real problem - see a doctor-specialist, not a chiropractor (as great as they can be). If your foot hurts, it's time to see a foot doctor, not a sport medicine doctor, not a chiro, not LMT...Apparently, Dr. Baxter is from Houston, TX, and Dr. Spears I saw had orthopedic surgery specialization under Dr. Baxter. What are the odds...

A bunch of medical mumble-jumble:
Baxter nerve entrapment information, diagnosis and treatment.
The first branch of the lateral plantar nerve travels between the deep fascia of the abductor hallucis and the medial fascia of the quadratus plantae and then continues deep to the flexor digitorum brevis muscle. Although somewhat variable, it has several branches. It typically provides a sensory branch to the medial calcaneal tuberosity, motor branches to the flexor digitorum brevis muscle, and sometimes a motor branch to the quadratus plantae. It then provides a sensory branch to the lateral heel and a motor branch to the abductor digiti quinti muscle.
Entrapment of the first branch of the lateral plantar nerve beneath the deep fascia of the abductor hallucis muscle and/or beneath the medial edge of the quadratus plantae fascia are the most commonly seen causes of tarsal tunnel syndrome.
Symptoms usually worsen with increased activity, as well as toward the end of the day and after long periods of standing, walking, or running. Prolonged standing in one place may be an aggravating factor (here is the reason I am having hard time standing in the kitchen!). Most patients continue to have pain or burning ("after pain" or "after burn") for 30 minutes to several hours after they are off their feet (tell me about it, I sit at work and feel the burn).

Prognosis - PT for 3 months, no running, cross-training with what does not cause pain. In general a pour outcome and surgery eventually required in most cases. I will have to really think in the next couple of weeks as I go through PT if may be I want surgery right away (recovery of 2-3 weeks non-bearing exercises and then introducing weight-bearing), this way there is still hope to make it through at least my mid-season, which is the most important anyway. I am giving up 3M half-marathon and Austin marathon (so much for plans to PR, train for speed, enter ultra season in fast shape...). I am not giving up anything beginning April. I am resolved (after spending some time crying) that I will get in shape on all those machines I hate so much (and had been using for 6 months sans December, in which I got overzealous with running miles and meeting arbitrary goals and had put my already not-directly-pointed recovery further back than where it was to begin with), I will adjust my food intake (what and how much) to the fact I don't do cardio my body may demand for a proper burning, I will focus on yoga for those herniated disks rearing their heads back to their 12-year old history, and I will not give up my dreams and passion. And I will buy those soft sleepers so I can stand in my kitchen and keep cooking meals every night:)

No pity, but encouragements are appreciated. I am pretty seriously tired, discouraged and in need of a good ass-kicking. Oh, man, back to spin classes...

Looking where?

2012-01-06T13:37:00.005-06:00

Gosh, folks are all over the e-sphere posting about looking back (a.k.a. dissection of 2011), looking forward (a.k.a. plans for 2012)...I am having a hard time looking straight in front of my eyes and not have them shut down! After AR trip, I slept a couple of hours, loaded myself onto 3-flights sequence and spent next 20+ hours between air and airports. Then close to 5 days of 3 hrs dozing off in any given night later - another 28 hrs or so doing same thing on the way back. My poor body still has no clue which sun schedule should it follow, so it follows none. At least last night I had my first 5 hrs uninterrupted sleep. Sigh...

The trip was good. Quiet good. Kind of like Christmas - quiet. May be it's a sign of getting along with age. No, not getting "older" with a complain and a petty in a voice, just getting along (and counting more wrinkles and seeing more grey hair than I care to share). Cherishing good things, not focusing (not too long, anyway) on not so good. Realizing that each of us has a right to a different opinion. And that it is more important to figure out how to agree to disagree than who is right. At the end of the day, we all end up in the same place...

I spent all days in Moscow just being. Staying at my sisters, having parents to come over every single day, eating prolonged complex lunches slowly transforming into early dinners and then into desert tables for about 3 hrs, with a glass of wine and lots of talking. Strangely, even my family somehow had been much less "loud" about being opinionated with advice and simply tried to enjoy my presence. Talking about nothing half the time - that's something new for a busy deeply worked up Russian soul. We are known to not have a "small talk". But we smiled, and hugged quite some, and kept voices down, and were able to stop arguments moments before they were about to heat up. May be everybody knows we have so little left...so little precious time to live, so few moments to see each other. I made a couple trips to my parents place, and we met new year there, where, while not been able to open a bottle of Champagne (a staple in our celebration, what is it, a sign?) we realized that this is the very first time in our lives we are here, at the table, meeting New Year's entrance into our lives, as an "original" family...no friends from either side, not split into various companies in various places, and not with extended families of spouses, kids and partners. Just the four of us: mom, dad and 2 daughters. This was bitter sweet...and very cute, and quiet. Then later my sister and I set on her couch and watched some concert of songs and artists from mid-80's (time when I was already into new music, and she still was, as we are 10 years apart and there is not much we share due to periodization), half-naked, in our underwear and tank-tops. Something we had never done as kids either - due to the same age difference...and this was sweet as well. How we ended up having same mind on so many things, thinking alike, while being from different era, never living together back when children (since I turned 6) and after that simply living across the Big Pond is a mystery (neither one of us has parents' thought process either). I haven't called anyone, and haven't gone to any visits outside immediate family, nor invited anybody - the time WAS precious. I spent 3 hrs one evening walking center streets and touristy places by myself just because I wanted to see it alone, and then my sister next morning showed me a completely different parts of Old Moscow with "guided" trip of her own, when I looked at those places with new eyes as well. She is awesome when it comes to guiding and history. That was sweet too.

I couldn't sleep well last night in Russia (not that I slept much the previous ones). I was already not there, almost home, yet my heart was aching from having to leave them behind...and when next morning I waved "Goodbye" at the airport without much time been spent standing and saying not very needed words...tears finally streamed down. They still do when I think back to that moment...so lonely, so mine, so rarely seen...a family torn apart, by continents, time and differences in societies.

But home was home, here, in Austin, TX. With Larry waiting and missing me, Stephen flying back from visiting dad, Harrison, and Alex and his life from afar. And after next 3 hrs of something called "sleep" I was at work, trying to fix what I screwed up before leaving on vacation:)

Today it was about to begin feeling like I am approaching "normal" state. Although the wake up call for tomorrow is set for 3 am - and 3 hrs drive will bring me to Bandera to volunteer for Joe's extremely extended race. I'll be his "kick", not an aid station person, but one of those few he keeps handy to fill the voids, pick up slacks and plug sudden holes. May be next week...

May be next week, I'll think about goals, resolutions and plans. For now I'll leave you with words that made me smile, by my lovely husband high on endorphins from his first more or less continuous run (he, too, as I, is battling an injury, so we are quite a pair, doctors, limping, pain and all): "I am going to get ripped, you'll see". Yeah, what he said. Slowly. Not for anybody (we both turned down the invite to re-join Wasatch Goat Team that decided to get resurfaced, or something like that). Just for ourselves. Because it's the only right way - and the only one that ever lasts.

An unexpected beauty of Arkansas.

2011-12-26T17:49:00.005-06:00

We drove to Arkansas for Christmas weekend. It was close enough to drive for a few day's trip, and I've never been to Arkansas. It surprised us as soon as we crossed the border...it had mountains (may be not high for West of Rocky spoiled folks, but great views for those of us from Texas!), pretty trails (with a taste of why Ozark 100 is so slow of a run), little gems of small towns with Bath Houses and hot springs and Historical Downtowns reminding you Swiss villages dating back to 19th century, and winding roads. It was peaceful. You should give a shot and discover something special right under your nose.

More photos to enjoy.

p.s. I reached 2000 miles for the year. That was my tiny goal once I came back to running, again, after a 6 months hiatus. It included a more than allowed per doctor miles a week before the trip (what threw my recovery a bit back), as well as a couple of runs on early mornings around parking lot of the motels near the highway...yeah, hmm, that was something. I don't remember running that many (not many) miles, ever since I started logging it in. In 2003 it was already 2215 miles. So...well. I intend to continue to be on a roll, no matter what, and plan on some laps around airport terminals and frosty-cold Moscow dark-street runs while my day-night is all upside-down. With that, I bid goodbye, and off to Mother-Russia (which is not the same as home-sweet home) for New Year's. I see y'all on the other side, in 2012!

Thoughts on the run.

2011-12-21T13:12:00.002-06:00

I've been changing lots lately. Inside. Came across these words at Keira's blog and stole them to share with y'all. Happy holidays. Be true. And that is so me!

1. There comes a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up. It’s realizing you don’t need certain people and things and the drama they bring.

2. If a person wants to be a part of your life they will make an obvious effort to do so. Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.

3. If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh you down – which is not always as obvious and easy as it sounds.

4. Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.

5. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You don’t fail by falling down. You fail by never getting back up.

6. Everyone basically wants the same things. They want validation, love, happiness, fulfillment and hopes for a better future. The way they pursue these desires is where things branch off, but the fundamentals are the same.

7. The more things you own, the more your things own you. Less truly gives you more freedom.

8. While you’re busy looking for the perfect person, you’ll probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy. It’s about being exactly who you are and then finding someone who appreciates that, and shares that with you.

9. Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.

10. Making a thousand friends is not a miracle. A miracle is making one friend who will stand by your side when thousands are against you.

11. Someone will always be better looking. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be more charismatic. But they will never be you.

12. Making progress involves risk. Period. You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

13. Every morning you are faced with two choices: You can aimlessly stumble through the day not knowing what’s going to happen and simply react to events at a moment’s notice, or you can go through the day directing your own life and making your own decisions and destiny.

14. Everyone makes mistakes. If you can’t forgive others, don’t expect others to forgive you.

15. It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is ok.

16. We sometimes do things that are permanently damaging just because we are temporarily upset. A lot of heartache can be avoided if you learn to control your emotions.

17. Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right. There are many roads to what’s right. Remember to: sometimes it's just easier to have peace than be right.

18. Nobody is perfect, and nobody deserves to be perfect. Nobody has it easy. You never know what people are going through. Every one of us has issues. So don’t belittle yourself or anyone else. Everybody is fighting their own unique war.

19. A smile doesn’t always mean a person is happy. Sometimes it simply means they are strong enough to face their problems.

20. The happiest people I know keep an open mind to new ideas and ventures, use their leisure time as a means of mental development, and love good music, good books, good pictures, good company and good conversation.

21. You can’t take things too personally. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them.

22. Feelings change, people change, and time keeps rolling. You can hold on to past mistakes or you can create your own happiness. True happiness comes from within. Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy.

23. It’s much harder to change the length of your life than it is to change the depth of it.

24. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

25. When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.

26. One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.

27. Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. Read

28. Share your life with someone who truly shares in your life. "Those that play together stay together".

29. Everything is a life lesson. Everyone you meet, everything you encounter, etc. They’re all part of the learning experience we call ‘life.’ Never forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don’t go your way. If you don’t get a job that you wanted or a relationship doesn’t work, it only means something better is out there waiting. And the lesson you just learned is the first step towards it.

30. Regardless of how filthy your past has been, your future is still spotless. Don’t start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday. Every day is a fresh start. Every morning we wake up is the first day of the rest of our life.

Doing the ground work, laying out the base.

2011-12-17T11:04:00.002-06:00

I've been running. Oh, my God, I can't believe I am saying it. It is painful, slow and pretty short, but it is consistent and extremely enjoyable. Being "laid off" from it for so darn long had totally changed my perspective - or, rather, opened my own eyes on what really is important. I am going at 10 min/mile pace, at time average 9's, and I am not even blinking my eyes. I am loving every moment of it. I go out without a strict plan in the darkness of the morning, only approximately knowing which direction I want to explore today, and I move with the tunes of my i-pod and my breaths. Totally liberating. I have no plans, no workouts, no mileage, just time, dark streets and footfalls. I don't even want to go to the gym anymore - I just want to be out and run...

With all that is happening in ultra-world (or at least in ultra-blogs), and in the lives of the world in general, and in my own personal life, doing just that, a simple run, is best thing ever imagined. I allows me to feel free to express what I think. Most importantly, first and foremost, to myself. Once I figure that out, I go and say it out loud. Sometimes it's scary, extremely so. But the aftermath is amazing. I feel lifted. The burden of pleasing and being afraid is slowly getting shed. I am me. And my running supports me. We're going to be ok...

34 miles last week, might hit 40 this one. Will try to go on trails - uneven footing is still not really my strong suit. 9 miles being my longest run, I feel the loss of endurance. Funny, huh...right now it is hard to picture I am planning to participate in 50M and 100M adventures...but I had never been more patient in my thought process. As the feeling of general tiredness and slight aching comes down upon me somewhere by the end of an hour, I keep my smile on. I turn to the hill, and my pace slows down to practically a halt. I put my head down and plow through, not taking a single official walking step, still with a smile. I am thinking back when my runs were 2 and 3 miles. And then when I did my first "long" one at that, and how it felt. 8 miles was a victory. As it should be.

I can not even pretend to imagine I might be permanently removed from running. It really isn't that important how fast and what place anymore. As long as I give my honest effort on any given day. As long as I am doing it, for me, no-one else to judge it, to care for it. Makes me free. Makes me strong. Makes me simply alive.

2012. Bring it on.

p.s. Worth reading.

I can see the light at the end of a tunnel.

2011-12-08T11:35:00.003-06:00

It's not painless, but I can run, and I can deal with the level of pain I am in, and when in the doctor's office and he is digging with his thumbs into my foot to break a scar tissue, there are times I think he is not as strong as he used to be, and then there are times that instead of wanting to kick him with my foot in the face I simply bite my knuckles. I guess it's getting better...

And with that comes hope, dreams and smiles. Plans begin to roll in my head. Races to register for. Workouts to have done. Foods to eliminate from my daily routine. Gym workouts get tougher. Rolls of fat that jiggle around my belly get less obvious. I am more incline to focus on good stuff than on bad...

It's amazing how much of my life depends on whether or not I run. But then why am I surprised. It's been around for longer than anything else was ever constant in my life. It is something I depend on as some depend on comfort food or baby blanket. It is so real, I can basically palpate it, taste it and smell it. And so I embrace...

The summer plans are coming along. The disappointment of not getting into Hardrock was short lived. I am thinking I need to go back to Tahoe Rim 100 and get that beautiful buckle - I don't like unfinished business. I am hoping it won't happen next year (stopping for being bored that is). It also dawned on me that one of the long-trail fastpacking treks I wanted to do was Tahoe Rim Trail 165M, so we are kind of have this idea of rolling it all into one vacation - make TRT100, sleep for a day, then take a week to complete the circle. I am excited beyond believe.

There are couple of shorter races I registered for, both first-time events, both promise to be delightful, each in places we'd love to go. I also might throw my name into San Diego 100 hat just to see if the 24 hrs could be in the cards - while Larry is still awaiting on his WS100 lottery results (no big hopes, I don't think either one of us is a lucky bastard come lotteries). And, speaking of no luck, I am not delusional, but not going to deny I may try HR100 hat again, although I won't be putting much faith in it. Whenever. Whatever. It is gorgeous out there, and it is fun to squeeze those mining miles into 48 hrs...

After July - there is still lots of dreaming. I don't think those of us that love adventure will ever run out of things to do and places to go to. And because of that, we better keep in shape.

Body remembers.

2011-12-04T14:44:00.003-06:00

They say "it's like riding a bike". I wouldn't know, I don't ride a bicycle. But I run. Sometimes more, at time not at all. In the last dozen of days, I did 3 miles with a lot of pain, 4 miles not painless but with less pain that I anticipated, a freakishly unexpected 6 miles on a hilliest route I mapped for future "real training" with crap-loads of foot pain but absolutely floating above the ground and a 4 easy miles in moderate aching.

That 6 miles was a total high for me. It reminded me why I love it so much. And that my body knows how it's done. It allowed me to hope, with time, when I heal, I can come back and run with joy again.

But life is not without sad things. And today it made me cry. I didn't make a Hardrock lottery. I guess I didn't expect to, with an 8% chance (or something like this), but I had this slight glimpse of hope, and it got crashed. Not that there are no other races, or that Hardrock will be gone following years. But this next season this was the only run I really wanted to have done. Because this was my last time I was applying for it. Because I know I have a much better time in me than the one I posted in 2009, and I wanted to learn what that time really is - by myself, alone. But in following years, as the years click away, the atmosphere changes, and spending 2 weeks in a very beautiful place but with a feeling that I don't belong goes against my core values. So, this was my last chance to still catch a tail-end of what I remember when I entered Hardrock in 2007. And now it's gone...

Time to shake that odd feeling, to focus on healing and pick different goals. Time to remind my body how nice it is to go for a run:)

Don't feel sorry for yourself if you have chosen the wrong road--turn around!
Edgar Cayce

When you find yourself overpowered, as it were, by melancholy, the best way is to go out and do something.
John Keble

p.s. let me clarify some view points. I've been to Hardrock for 5 years now, in one capacity or another. It is a lot of time commitment (precious vacation of which I don't have much every year, as well as time away from kids and home) and money spent in 2 weeks. It is also emotionally difficult and unfair to wait for the lottery Gods to ditch me, yet again, before making plans for the year, racing, exploring, or other family vacations. Not to mention there are so many places we want to visit, at some point I just need to step back from going to the same place, no matter how beautiful. I gave myself a word it'll be last time I go to HR camp. That's why I was so sad. But we already began to figure out our season, and it's going to be a blast! Time to move on.

Baby steps.

2011-11-27T06:17:00.001-06:00

Pity party is over. Lets get to work. Lets pretend I had never done it before. Erase the memory and start over again. Year 2000. A run around a block. This is where I am off right now:)

Wallowing in self-pity.

2011-11-22T12:13:00.003-06:00

Well, here we are. For years (over 10 years to be exact), while I managed to get practically every injury in a Runner's Manual, I was, at the same time, able to run through each and every one of them, taking may be a week or two off in the most acute period, and then coming back. I ran with compartment syndrome, with stress fractures in every possible bone (including femur neck), torn tendons, cartilages and muscles, strains and sprains, various -itis (inflammations of tendons, bursa and/or ligaments)...you name it, chances are, I had it, and I had overcome it. May be this is the time to pay for it all at once.

It all started so innocent. I had a little stress fracture and a little anterior tibialis tendonitis in June. I rested and came back to it - slowly by all means. A couple of months later the 1-year old plantar fasciitis (that was there but not really stopping me) began rearing its head - likely due to over-compensating for the right leg pain, I put some more weight on a left. At some point, since I was ignoring it completely, it tore a bit at calcaneus attachment, accumulating a bone edema as well at that place. So, OK, sucks, I rested a bit more. And came back, again, slowly. But since the pain in the inside of the heel was still quite prominent, my body reacted by rolling the foot on the outside a bit more to compensate...yet again. Now, I was king of hurting on both, outside and inside, of my left foot, yet running here and there some, not much, just waiting (and not doing anything else - but, you know, RICE, right?) Best treatment is rest, so I was, by my definition, resting.

Then Grand Canyon trip came, and there was no way I was ditching it, so I ran. It was fun. I have no regrets. By the end of the crossing, I kept uncontrollably rolled my foot who knows where and the outside of my ankle began hurting, turning into a peronial tendonitis. But, you know, it's just -itis, right? Nothing a little rest wouldn't cure.

But it didn't. Nor did it anything good for my foot - outside or inside. And I succumbed, I went to a doctor. Doctor Chris Seller of Performance wellness is awesome. I actually told him so - and I hate medicine in this country. He is one of a few (of whom I can count on one hand) medical professional who had listened from start to finish, HEARD what was said, applied THINKING and LOGIC, and drew conclusions.

Doctor Chris Seller, however, is not a magician. Sadly. Because by avoiding my injury for so long and pretending it's not there, things had gotten to the point where it will take a lot of time and care to get them unwind back. You see, as the PF tear was healing, since it wasn't stretching or strengthening correctly, it got all bunched up at the spot of a tear and caught a few other tendons...and, most importantly, trapped a nerve. As I kept my denial alive and rolled the foot, trying to run, same issue happened on the outside - and trapped yet another nerve there. In a meantime, all those tendons had adhered to each other and even to the bone. Keeping those couple of nerves trapped inside, inflamed, squeezed, bundled up and screaming in agony of pain. That, and a couple of foot bones getting "dropped" (prolapsed) as they don't hold in place anymore.

Thus the treatment. He digs in, he tries to separate the fibers, pull each of them apart, away from one another and the bones, free the nerves...which don't really want to come out, punishing me for not listening to them at the time it was still not gone far.

Who would have known. I had run through so many things, and some little silly nerve entrapment(s) stopped me dead. With little light at the end of a tunnel. Almost 6 months of no real running, and I wonder how I am still keeping my sanity. I almost stopped dreaming of races (although had one 2 nights ago, and in it I won a random 50 miler I didn't even knew I was running), I am not making plans, I am somewhere between despair and content...not sure which one is worse.

I even cried today, as I was laying on a cot with electrodes stuck around my foot after excruciating digging. Just quietly cried, tears silently countering my face. I am tired. It's not the end of the world. But today I felt simply tired, down and somber. It's a humbling experience for sure. I am not invincible...

But that's ok, no condolences required.This stupid little thing had also given me a lot in exchange. It gave me appreciation of what I was able to do before. And what I plan to do to some extent again. On what it means to me. Not to race, not to participate in crowds, not to have a group belonging. But simply to run. It also reminded me that I have more than that in my identity. So much more. I am not just a runner. I am beyond. Nothing changes in the world when I stop. My family is here. My soul. My heart. My mind. I am still the same...

I am here for a long haul. I just need to inhale, be patient, and realize perspectives. This is what I am known for in so many other areas anyway:)

p.s. it was actually awesome to throw caution out the window this post-rain morning at the dark-o'early and run "fast" (ha! at 9 min/mile pace) for 4 miles and push. I was curious if I could push. It was so greatly missed...so much.

Keys to holding a successful house party.

2011-11-14T08:09:00.004-06:00

3. Serve quality drinks, and lots of them.

2. Have awesome food, home-made from scratch, authentic and delicious.

1. Have best friends ever from all walks of life and make them feel at home, welcomed and appreciated.

Pictures? Nah, I was too busy pouring vodka shots, serving bowls of borsch and showing our beautiful home, all 1275 square feet of it.

Thanks to all for coming and having a grand time!

p.s. nope, still no running for me, but a doctor's visit for tomorrow:((

Back to the machines.

2011-11-07T08:50:00.004-06:00

The joy of running, and running across Grand Canyon to add, was short-lived. After Cactus Rose the first few days were trying to crawl from exhaustion level at "Don't talk to me or I'll snap" to "I am tired, try living my life" and doing something exercise-related at the gym every morning. I even happen to burn myself with exploded boiling agarose, all over my face and neck. On Friday I ventured to that local park and dirt path around it. I managed 3 miles, looping and limping, before giving up. On Saturday I did something pathetic on a trail 5M loop. On Sunday I managed 10 trail miles in OK time and moderate level of pain, but as soon as I stopped, the foot let me know who is the boss. And it wasn't me. The rest of the day was spent between icing and massaging on the lacrosse ball (besides cooking up a storm, cutting, freezing, storing, cooking again - we have a house-warming coming, and Russian food requires a lot of prepping steps).

It was a nice quiet weekend otherwise. Between painting, cooking and shopping (and trying to run and then dealing with consequences), there was some Russian TV, knitting, lots of laundry, kid duty and cleaning the house. First real weekend at home. Too bad Larry was away...but this allowed me to focus on tasks that are female-oriented (yes, I am that traditional). It also allowed me to think, again, how much running means to me. AJW had that post on "what would you choose, a perfect WS100 (or just any race important to you) or 3 miles a day for the rest of your life?". I have no doubts in my choice. Who cares of the perfect race if after that you can't run ever again? The race will be forgotten, you'll be forgotten, your perfect little trophy will be in a box in a garage, and you'll be stuck not being able to have this wonderful rhythmic motion, left-right, breath in-out, thoughts floating, body in tune...

So, I was hitting gym hard. Cardio machines, all kinds of them (besides heavy weights). But no machine can sustain my interest, and I hardly make it 45 minutes before bailing out. No matter how hard, how sweaty, how pumping...it is still not the same, and will never be. I will stick with it, because I have a desire to be fit, and because I like a general feeling exercise gives me - but my mind will never be involved, nor will my heart. At this point my whole season of races is in jeopardy, but all I want is a 3 mile run on a trail without pain...

Until then - I am a robot. And my writing muse is running alongside with my running - low.

Another kind of ultra.

2011-10-31T12:20:00.007-05:00


Left bottom CW: best blood award; Joe and I ready to glow-stick; no wusses allowed!; 2 radio guys and Jim-the runner; Liza Howard doing Bulgarian squats while helping out; mash-field; "feeling great for now!".

I think I am getting old:-)...too tired, hard to go on practically 48 hrs non-sleep and on my feet. In fact, working/captaining an AS (or 2 at once in my case) I always found to be much more difficult than running a 100 miler even if it takes 46 hrs (like Hardrock). My feet were killing me when I finally got them up in a propped chair sometime Saturday evening when things started to spread out and Larry was helping me by making grilled cheese sandwiches (something he is famous for at Cactus Rose race and does an excellent job at). I drove to Bandera Friday straight from work, set up an AS at Equestrian built-up by Marc and Joe and team (the AS meets runners at either 5 and 15M into a 25M loop, or at 20 and 20M on other direction), and at 10pm, when I was about to flop on bed, Joe discovered the first 5M section wasn't glow-sticked. So, the two of us went out. My injury on the foot wasn't happy at all, and after a mile and half jogging we were power-walking, what was still awesome, talking away with the sky full of stars and even the milky way, and coyotes howling and yapping loudly. We put out the glow sticks and around midnight got back to the lodge. 3 hrs later the motion began and we worked the start area - I was a designated "why do we need a megaphone when we have Olga?" check-in person. 30 minutes after sending runners off we were at the first 5M AS (yours truly) cheering them off, and then the real work began. I had a great help from everyone who happen to hang around waiting for their runners, and from my radio people, setting up, filling cups and making PBJ's! (the 2 jobs I don't like much at AS). I gotta say, what I put as my logo on top of the tarp at AS is true. If you expect me to fill your bottles - you found a wrong person. Unless it is late into the race and you're struggling (and I have no other responsibilities at the time), or you're racing for a course record (in which case you usually have a crew) - I will not do this. Do it yourself. It's a good practice. I will, however, ask how you feel, figure out what your problem is (stomach? either less salt or more salt, or switch to water from any food. heel blisters? why are you walking downhills? feeling funky? calories. dizzy? water and coke. well, you got the idea...). I will also, as one guys from San Antonio put on their local group running page, "question your manhood or womanhood" if you decide to quit. Quitting at my AS is not an option, unless you have an injury that will jeopardize your health in a harm way. There is nothing you can complain about I haven't gone through in my own ultrarunning life. I will tend to you, yell at you, kick you out, flirt with you, kiss you, wipe your tears, dress your blisters, give you my knee and ITB straps, my warm clothes off my back, give you a hug, listen to your story and tell you plenty of mine...As one woman put after the race "we were warned you are mean, but you are actually a sweetheart". I am both. To paraphrase, you will hate to love me:)

A tremendous thank you to Larry who stayed behind at home for a bit before coming to make sure kids are not miserable for too long (truth is, our kids don't really like being there for more than couple of hours, although they did have a grand time playing football with 2 others for exactly that long, so survived OK before night sleep), he took a shift from 10:30pm and 2:30am cooking hot soups and flipping best grilled-cheese things in the world, what allowed me to get a couple hours of napping in, he brought me a french press to make best coffee in the morning, and then in the morning he took the kids back home. It may not sound lots, but it was the best help possible - I didn't have to worry about kids' duty and was able to be completely submerged into supporting runners. Another huge thanks goes to my 3 radio guys, who not only got any info I needed, they took great interest in what we do and kept me up and entertained. Marc, Joe's right hand for the weekend (in my humble opinion) had never stopped working all the odds and ends he was thrown into, from setting up, taking down, buying and delivering, I can't even name it. Luis, Billy, Glenda, Kuss - the Tejas Trails family comes to the call so grand, it is the best community I had ever witnessed, truly, no bull. Joyce came in the morning with fresh breakfast. My radio guys and a couple of runners' husbands saved my ass when I locked my car key inside the car just before leaving! Thank God they were there! It broke me down, I was so exhausted and felt it was so unfair (so much for helping, AND for recycling and dragging a full car loaded with crap back to Austin!). They exercised their breaking in skills for an hour and were finally able to get me in. Thanks to all the guys (half of whom ran in some capacity the day before in races) for breaking down the tarp and all the metal pols in my two AS's! I hate doing this too:) Thanks to Joe for putting a first-class events and bringing best people in, whether running or helping. Thanks to the runners and their crews for their great spirits and not forgetting to thank all of us who help them reach for their goals.

Steve Moore broke his own CR but by mere minutes (I believe he went out with the relay/50M guys and kind of bonked by last loop, but held strong). He had nobody close in to chase him, what doesn't make racing easy. Rhonda Claridge from CO won the women's race, but hasn't shaken down Liza's CR - I heard rumors she said she raced lots of mountain courses yet this one is the most technical she's ever been on (there is a reason it has a rating of 5/5 in Ultrarunning magazine). Lots of feet, legs and other parts were claimed by sotol and rocks. A rude awakening to anyone who comes to the website and shrugs off "less than 2,000 feet of elevation climb per loop" description. There were many outstanding performances by local runners, not in terms of extremely fast times country-wide, but personal achievements to be proud of. Thomas Orf finished a 100 in sub-23 hrs for 4th male. Chris Russel finally chased the monkey off his back by beating my time at a race - something he tried for years on any course, and here he is, moved by this goal and done it right! David Jacobson had a fantastic 50, and David Land finished his first 100 - after not being able to do so last year. Brad Quinn did a fast 100 (to his elate) in sub-24, and Josue Stephens finished - finally! - his first, humbled by previous approach of going out too fast. Respect the distance and the course! Melissa Heggen is back from nursing a baby and kicking butty, but mainly her positive attitude shined! So many first-timers chose this course and doing well! I am sure I'll add more bits as they come to me, but in general there seem to have been more folks getting what they come there for than previous years. Rumor is I was happier than I was last year - must have something to do with Larry's help, general settling in, and you, guys, the runners and your crew, being happy, helpful and grateful! Thanks, ya'll, for the great times! Get ready to hate to love me next year!

Double-crossing the Big Ditch.

2011-10-24T15:42:00.004-05:00

What do you do after 4 months of a lay off from running due to various injuries and a couple of weeks with few runs topping off at 6M? You have a tooth extraction with some stitching involved, pick up your other half (who had just had a root canal done), get on the plane and fly to make a Rim to Rim to Rim (also known as a double crossing of Grand Canyon) happen. All of 48 miles of it (we don’t take no short routes, Bright Angel both ways!) with some 13,000 feet of elevation gain. Piece of cake! I truly believe our bodies are made to go the distance; all we need to do is to know how to listen to them and take care of them. And I surely know that part to a “T”. We met sunset and walked around, and we didn't even contemplate much on tomorrow's trip too much. It was going to just be...

Grand Canyon is just that. Grand. There is no reason to describe it, post bunch of pictures (all of which in much better quality can be found on internet) or say words that pale. Still, the main point of the trip wasn't to enjoy the beauty - as much as it was a part of it no matter, because you simply can't avoid seeing breathtaking views and be in awe of the Mother Nature - the main point was to double-cross, no bailing allowed, and in a respectful time, so we can put this behind and go on onto the next adventure.

We started our trek at 4:29 am (don't believe the watch, Larry took a few extra minutes to make final adjustments and shoot pictures). It was supposed to be mid-30's at the top of a rim, but literally in 3 minutes as we dropped down, we stopped and shed the layers off. So much for carrying extra stuff!

We took our what seemed to have been sweet time getting down in the dark, especially since I am pretty clumsy and had a very dim light (yeah, I know, I never learn, I took old headlamp with batteries from last 100 miler?) and was tripping over some rocks at time. Larry simply never likes to run down fast when it is next to a few thousand feet drop. Despite that,we felt extremely fluid and swift, and made it to the Colorado river before official sunrise, in a dusk, even if with lights turned down. We made a point to run a lot, but not exert ourselves, and ran small inclines, hills and sand, spooking the hikers. The Phantom Ranch came in just a touch over 2 hrs...holly cow, it promised to be a fantastic day! I didn't let Larry to chat too much (we passed Tina and Bryon, as well as a few others, there) and we moved towards the North Rim, through the Cottonwood campground. This is where things gotten interesting...I was running. Those 7 miles to CC were boring, slight incline with some rolls, open terrain, no vistas, and just blah. But I was running...and Larry lagging behind. What? Larry is the runner in the family! When I reminded him to eat, he kind of brushed me off, but once I saw his mood change for the worse, I knew what the problem was. However, it is difficult to be a couple and give advice, if you know what I mean. After hiking hard and waiting and hiking hard and waiting, once the real climb began, I kind of was gaping him pretty much by lots. We also saw 300 hikers going down - they were dropped off by bus on North Rim to be picked up on the other side - and the trail was narrow, so it broke a flow of a power hike from time to time, but for the most part everyone was smiling and supportive. 2 miles before the North Rim I just took off and was contemplating on what to do next...

I reached the NR at 6:20 into the run, and met up with Steve and Deb Pero, who started their journey from South Kaibab trail. They were waiting up on their own struggling friend (whom I passed). I was afraid Larry would join him in misery, but a mere few minutes later Larry showed up, scolded at me, yet ate a couple of gels, a few beef jurkey slices - and got up for the trip back. He still didn't run and rather walked downhill to let the stomach settle, but he was moving and not giving up.

At the "2M down" water spigot, where I was chatting with Tina and Bryon, Larry caught up with me, and he was running! He was back! And he was smiling to boot! I was thrilled - and I knew we were going to make this thing together, and in a great standing, and with an awesome mood. From now on, we ran, relaxed, easily, but ran, laughed, enjoyed, and really felt like we belonged here.

We spent 25 minutes at Phantom Ranch, between standing in line to get food and chatting with other folks (Larry, as an American, loaded on bagel with cream cheese, I, as a true European, ate a sausage) and then moved on, still having running legs, into the last section, across the bridge, up to Indian Garden and all the way to the Bright Angel trailhead. It was awesome! We felt strong! Larry even ran some half a mile to show off, but overall, we passed a few (or more) dozens of people, and felt like we just started. The trail, even though 3 miles longer than South Kaibab, is more mellow in a grade, had shade at the time we were on it for about 80% of the time, and never let us feel like we are about to die. I, of course, made all kinds of predictions and time goals on the way (obviously, somewhere around North Rim the finishing time was in such jeopardy, I was planning to be ashamed and prepared a speech for leaving Larry with words like "I am a respected ultrarunner and have obligations to people" and "I don't want to ever come back because my time sucked too much"). We blew by Indian Garden and hoped to be up by 6 pm. I even thought may be before official sunset at 5:45, but that was stretching (even I knew that - however I never gave up trying). It didn't quite happen, we finished at 6:04, in 13:35 total time, but with stops and a break-down at North Rim climb, it was absolutely best time imaginable. We can certainly check this one off now!

Exhilarating doesn't even begin to describe how it felt to do so well. It meant a lot to us. As ultrarunners, adventures, and as a couple.Best time together, allowing us to look forward so many things...

My tooth hurt, so did my foot, and I was taking Ibuprofen every 4 hrs to keep pain at bay (dry sockets pain is pretty excrutiating), although by the last climb the ligaments around my ankle felt over-tasked for compensating and hurt too. It didn't matter whether I go slow or fast, the pain bothered the same level, so I was pushing fast - why not? But today the injury itself is not any worse than it was, even if I am limping due to that ankle. My tooth should be fixed tomorrow, and after all, those are minor details. What's left to remember is the beauty, the grandiose, the fortitude - and the love we share for each other.

The sunrise next morning was beautiful and peaceful. Like the beginning of a new era...

PHOTOALBUM for Grand Canyon.

Walnut Canyon on Sunday.

This and that.

2011-10-18T11:28:00.009-05:00

May I suggest it cooled down in Austin suddenly enough to have a chilly morning and put sleeves for the run? Of course I had to roll them down 5 minutes into the run itself, but the start with winds howling was rather exciting at mid-60’s. Tomorrow is promised to be something around 50’s for my dark-o’early and I may have to try and find my long-sleeve shirt. Woo-hoo! That sounds just awesome! Just as my week has been. It is fun to have settled in to a structured routine and have days (mornings) allocated to certain things. I had a couple of good trail runs on the weekend, and had realized that living NOT at the trailhead is actually a blessing – because it gives you incentive to get to various trails as opposed to do same thing day in and day out. Of course, it is very convenient to throw in a trail run at any time, say, while your dinner is cooking in the oven, and it ain’t happening anytime here, but at the same time, the loops we could do from the doorsteps (of either 6, 7, 10 or 15 miles combinations) were getting old too. That said, I drove to the Hill Of Life on Saturday, where Larry has been running his long run since before 5 am (this boy is crammin’ miles into his life, trying to decide whether or not he’d shoot for Ozark 100 in just over 2 weeks’ time), and where Tejas Trail group along with Rouge Runner’s group had their runs set up every Saturday (or it seems to be). And while I am a total solo runner and truly enjoy my introvert outings (I also run better, stronger and faster by myself), I like meeting people and chatting for a brief moments and exchange smiles and go on till the next group pops up. And I truly loved almost forgotten trails too! I felt pretty lost at times (Austin’s Hill Country is famous for making dozens of miles of single track in a few acres of land, twisting and turning and going up and down relentlessly and criss-crossing endlessly…) and since I have pretty much no sense of direction and never try to memorize any landmarks when on the run, I just run, hoping at some point to come across a familiar territory (or a person to ask how to get back). I did run out of water, even with generous refill by Rouge folks, and since I started somewhat late and the sun came up shining hot and bothering…but I ran every step, and that was my main agenda.

I feel like I am re-learning to run again. That “back to the roots” thing? I am putting on the base, and I am where I started with really running, way before days when I knew that power-hiking saves me lots of energy and really even time at the end. I am running every hill, no matter speed or push, just working the moment, pumping my arms, Hill Of Life including, just smiling and thinking of some 10 years ago, when walking was a crime, and structure was a staple in training. My marathon will have a good solid structure, the way it was taught to me in those days of NYC running. I am excited. I am excited about entering shorter races and pushing myself, excited about toeing the starting line, about not having to run an obscene amount of miles for the first time in over 7 years…truly am. I was a slave of “more is better”, and this is the first year I will hardly hit 2,000. I don’t think I was under 3k since 2003, and I am OK with it. I still tally, but the thought of “OMG, I need to squeeze another 2 runs to make week counts” doesn’t cross my mind anymore. Having been injured for so long helped sooth that desire (there is only that much one can do). Thinking “quality over quantity” and having a rather successful year behind on training with hardly getting over 60 mpw during peak of the season is another reason. I can run long. Now I want to figure out again if I can run at least as fast as I did in 2002/2003 – not extremely fast by no means, but certainly faster than I had been running since. And I want to do it the right way.

Speaking of faster and running every step. Had a second attempt of running every step on River place nature trail, that nasty and most beautiful “Staircase” trail with crazy footing over logs of steps, which don’t let you speed up even as you go downhill – and this time succeeded in EVERY step (as opposed to last time’s 20 yards of final steps on the longest last hill), and cut my total time by 4 minutes (and that’s after cutting it 5 minutes about 3 weeks ago from the June time). It was fun, I felt pretty relaxed, and while panting on the climbing part, still strong enough to not give up. Yay me! Since my left foot still doesn’t allow me to push off it on the uphill, I only push with the right (and use left foot flat on), what leads me to a serious right calf overload – which hurts for the next 48 hrs. And that’s ok, I can deal with it. When I run roads though, it’s the heel itself that aches, but unlike AJW, I am done being patient already. Enough is enough, I did the "2M at a time of flats", and while I am certainly not overdoing things, I am back, and I am planning to be optimistic and plowing forward.

I do have a funny story, if I may. Last Tuesday, on that blissful run I described in a previous post, I needed to use a pit-stop as I finished. Not living next to a trailhead makes you go in a nature - not that it ever stopped me. However, for some weird reason, I managed to use some leaves from some bushes instead of rocks...and ever since my bottom had been on fire. Sleep at night is torn in pieces by pain and angst. Go ahead, laugh, now that it's getting better, I can too.

This week's Tuesday run really didn't get much better. I forgot to change batteries in my headlamp, and just as Larry on his Sunday run (he simply forgot the headlamp at all), I had to "feel" my way on this technical trail. Thankfully, it was my "easy run" per schedule, as it took me almost an hour to cover 5 miles. I was smiling the whole way. At least I didn't need to squat...

I have to say, I am getting to like Austin. Of course when people talk PNW and post pictures of the Gorge runs, I get antsy and a little sad. But once the heat of the summer is finally gone, Austin is actually really lovely. There is not much one can add – a few mountains in less than 3 hours’ drive, and a shorter span of 100+ degrees stretch. But it’s green, hilly, has a good public transportation system, nice downtown, young generation with many schools around, a stable economy (an important part these days, especially as one nears the retirement age), fit community that loves running and biking, and an airport for an easy access to destinations.

Speaking of destinations, I bought tickets to Russia for a New Year’s trip. Yep, I am going home again! Only 5 days, and by myself, but this time can’t come soon enough (trust me, 5 days is all I can handle, and by the end of it I’ll be longing for going back “home” here). This will allow me to spend time with my sister, help her renovate her flat, celebrate my parents’ wedding anniversary, their 75^th birthdays I had missed this years (apparently, dad secretly hoped I’d fly in October for his), sit at the table at midnight on December 31^st drinking champagne, and in general, when your folks are in Russia and past 70, every visit counts as last one. So, I am going.

Speaking of my folks and sister, they got really worried about the way I looked in those last pictures, and the only desire in their souls is to feed me. I had to calm them down – that woman is gone, and I am pretty much where I was in June (which is better than May, but not September), putting on almost an inch on my midriff and some less on my rear. While it is frightening after such drastic transformation, this is where I belong, and I work really hard not to freak out or get depressed over it, as well as keeping it under control and not giving up on myself. Besides, the approaching speed training should help me in doing so. Having a husband who keeps saying compliments and is very supportive helps.

Speaking of a husband -we have lovely dates on Sunday night when we go to Z-Tejas and have a drink. I had never been a fan of going out for a drink – or going out, or drinking – but this routine is really precious (kind of like finally wearing a pair of pants that fits well and doesn't cost $10 in Target - I guess it's a sign of maturing?). We have time to reflect on our week, talk about a week ahead, and hold hands as adults, without kids, or house chores, or other problems. I am picking through the menu of drinks slowly, realizing nothing compares to the Mojito in Silverton, as well as that I am getting old – I have to hold that menu as far as my arms’ length allows me to being able to read… One of my tooth crowns broke at the base and it can’t be put back, implant is like 5 grand and isn’t covered by dental insurance, so I am choosing to be toothless (it’s not front enough to look ugly, don’t worry). As I yelled out to Meredith on that Saturday run, I am old, menopausal, toothless and with diminishing eye sight (not skinny anymore either), but I am loving my life, every bit of it! What’s not to love?

We painted living room and the hallways past weekend, only kitchen is left. The house is coming along. Every night I sit there and think how much I love it. Watched a couple of episodes of House Hunters – could not believe what those (young) women demand when they go “house shopping”. Really? Is that important? I am thinking we have enough little things to take care of slowly for as long as we decide to be here, but it is exactly what makes it “ours”. House-warming party coming next month! Hey, I even finished that sweater I was knitting since last Thanksgiving - finally! Not it needs to be cold enough to wear it - but this coming Thanksgiving is a trip to Oklahoma to visit in-laws, and I am sure I will benefit from it there.

In a meantime, this weekend we are off for a mini-vacation to Arizona! Back to Grand Canyon! And my foot better behave, because I am double-crossing whatever it has in store. There will be few friends there, Steve and Deb Pero, Tina Ure, a couple folks from HR100 regulars, the Oregon crew comes to do crossing on Sunday…we’ll hang out, but each group (or couple) goes across on their own, and Larry and I have high hopes to make it around 13 hr mark. Should be fast enough to not be embarrassed, yet slow enough to take pictures and enjoy North Rim.

My first venture into Grand Canyon was in 1996, when Alex was 5 and Stephen was 7 month old baby. I alternated carrying each of them, it was middle of July, and we as a family, while great in backpacking trips, weren’t prepared for hot canyon adventure. We made it about 3.5 miles down the South Rim and came back up, thankfully.

In October of 2008 Larry, I, Bushwhacker Burke, Tina and Jim Skaggs came to celebrate my birthday – but I was only less than 2 month into trying to recover from my femur neck stress fracture, and while we made it down to Phantom Ranch and a little bit over, we also came to a smart decision to stop right there – my leg would not have endured another 8 miles of downhill pressure on it. Photoset.

We have unfinished business to do. And we have this trip long planned – and very well deserved, with the move and all. So, this is where we’ll be. I shall see you on the other side.

I got the rain for my birthday!

2011-10-11T11:55:00.003-05:00

I woke up at 5 am with a weird sound. Something I didn't remember anymore, but the brain dug deep and let me know - it's pouring rain outside. What a wonderful sound it is...what a bliss. I made fresh coffee and sat down, listening to the sheets of falling water and looking outside the dark windows with glows of lightening. I contemplated whether or not to drive to the race start - and decided to go. Austin gets treacherous when it rains as the streets are covered in some funky soapy residue, and both driving and running is kind of not really fun. But what the heck, it is supposed to be a run "just because".

They did cancel the race, as I turned into the park where the start was to be. I was laughing. Thank God I wasn't gearing up for this one, many others were greatly disappointed. What a crazy development! What a mess! I met with Eman and we went to a Starbucks, sipping coffee and talking life. What can we do but smile when things get out of our control? So we did. And then I went for my free Bikram class - and they sang "Happy Birthday" song to me, twice, while in Trikanasana. That was silly and cute.

When I came home, and it was quiet. I love quietness lately, being alone. Stephen was still asleep, and Larry and Harrison went to clean up the old apartment to turn in the key. It's official. We are out of that. All week I thought I'd come by and say good bye, or something, and I never had an urge (was busy, too, but really, not even a twinge). And just like that, it was over. The house feels like we've been in it my whole life, comfy, cozy, home...

And so was my birthday, cozy and home. Larry made a gluten-free chocolate crust raspberry-lemon cheesecake from scratch - first time ever, mind you, but knowing him and his attention to details and a perfectionist's following of the recipe, it was awesome - the most delicious and beautiful cheesecake I ever ate. Seriously, no bull.

We also went out to our favorite Z-Tejas for Mojito's and seared tuna, and the boys at the bar took care of the drinks - nice to have a birthday and be a regular:)

And we just were. Being all there.All domestic:)

I am back to training, excited about my new goals and looking forward working hard. My foot hurts me, and by now I ran out of options what to do. So I just run. I drove to a trailhead this morning - the one that I used to walk a third of a mile, and then run for a mile to, but that's ok, only took me 7 minutes flat. Not bad all things considering. I had to wear a headlamp - haven't run with it since OD100 in June, 4 full months ago. Haven't trained on this loop in a dark since spring. It was awesome. The air is nice and relatively cool, wet ground still thankful for the Sunday's rain, navigating the rocks and all the technical stuff at this park was a blast. Made me re-live all my long training runs, looping for what seemed to be forever. I never went out of breath or pushed, but I was feeling free and careless, and bounding over the ledges. It boggles my mind how many people never get to experience it. How difficult it is to get up when your alarm gets off, put clothes on and make it outside the house. And how blissful it is a mere 20 minutes into the run, how elated, how wonderful, fulfilling, soul-clearing, re-charging and exhilarating...

Another year is around the corner. I want to make it count. I hope to make the best out of whatever it brings me.

Feels like my running comes in a spiral after making a full circle, and I am back to the roots, but at a level over. Not only WMGT got dismissed (basically), I let my membership at Hill Country Trail Runners laps and disconnected from PNW ultra list (I am still on the Listserve, but have to actually log in to see what's going on, and do it once a week to keep some connections alive). For the first time in a long time I am un-affiliated and feeling awesome about this aspect. Almost primal. Back to where it all began...solo and with eyes wide open.

Coming of age.

2011-10-06T09:00:00.007-05:00

Life has a natural progression in it. It simply flows. It ebbs, of course, and curves, and edges, but just like water, it flows, eventually, around corners and bends, and it flows in one direction – forward, from the very beginning of a tiny spring till it spills into the ocean.

Everything comes to an age. The trees, the creatures, good wine and cheese, and yes, us, people. We age. It is only natural. It is a good thing too, and it is even better when we realize that it is a good thing. We fight, we mend, we adapt, we reject, we grow – older, wiser, more mature, hopefully, happier with ourselves, more accepting, less demanding, yet knowing precisely what we want and not forgoing the biggest principles, not sweating the small stuff, but standing strong for what we believe in. For me, it is keeping the word you gave, and walking your talk. Hypocrisy makes me cringe, and despite getting older, I am not any more accepting of it, I may be just quieter. We all make mistakes. I do. I do my best to admit it, learn from it, and not push it under the rug. And “living” the 10 commandments, whichever religion you are (I am neither). There are simple rules, laws of life, things that make sense. Every action demands a consequence. Why trying to get around? It is so much easier to live honestly. You'll never have to remember where and when to lie…

I went to my yoga class last night. I haven’t had a chance to visit in over two weeks. Life’s been crazy, and some things went into the background. Didn’t even get a chance to realize how much I missed it. Interesting progression it is – I used to think of my Bikram practice as taking care of my health, my body, my spine, while running being my meditation respite. Lately yoga has taken a whole new turn for me. It is still all those things, yet it is so much more. It is my time.

Practicing stillness. In yoga, it is important to get into an asana and not go back and forth, just stay, may be take small movements further in, but not back off. Get in and be still. Breathe. Focus. Clear your mind.

Practicing being. Being in a moment. The asana’s are so designed that if you let your mind wonder, you fall. You have to be where you are. No-where else. Right here. Right now.

Life has been nuts. I held it all together, and the move went practically perfect, without a single glitch. Being highly organized helps. The popcorn ceiling has been fully (and to our acceptance) replaced, the carpet installed in the bedrooms, I took last Wednesday off and painted all the bedrooms in 8 hrs, Larry met with the electrician on Friday and had all the work done up to code (and more) and new locks installed. Boxes packed and ready, and few fragile items already settled in, on Saturday at 10 am the truck was being pulled in to our old garage – and by 1 pm we were finishing eating pizza in our new place. Ultra style. It helps to not have extra crap in the house. Minimalism and frugality with value on need and quality. Air flows like a river in our home, without any hoops to jump or corners to avoid. It is so relaxing to not occupy the space just because it’s there. Like in the mountains – some have trees, some bear creeks, some just are…We had two extra guys and their ladies helping out with the move itself, and my girlfriend took our kids out of the view – and by Sunday late afternoon 90% of the house was unpacked, allocated and felt like home. Yep, that was a piece of cake…There are still a million things to do, little projects to tend to, bigger renovations to dream about. But for now - it is perfect, simply perfect.

By Monday the fact that the main stress is over came out of my every pore. I was sad and wanted to curl up and cry. By Tuesday I was irritable and snapping easily at everyone who challenged it. Between work – and business – and cooking and organizing – and an hour commute each way - and still trying to maintain semi-balance of exercise – and, of course, a few other life’s events that are not up to blogging discussion but fall under category “If it rains, it pours” - I buckled. It didn’t help that not only was I not eating the way I was for the last 3 months – I wasn’t even eating the way I was since winter time, and not avoiding gluten either (bread, pizza, pasta and all). My body rebelled. Now I know. It was insane. Forget definition, I was getting puffy, fat, water-retained and carbo-loaded. I was bloated and very much hurting. Everywhere - in my tummy, in my head, in my chest…in my soul. I was miserable for sure.

My body gave in so much, even alarm clock didn’t go off on Wednesday morning. It was a sign. That was my time to recharge. I could care less who is making dinner and how Stephen wouldn’t know where I am (still no phone in the house, no Internet or TV either, and, oh, Heavens, how wonderful it is to be without destruction of 21^st century and use time and quietness wisely! ). I stopped at a Chinese place and picked up a fortune cookie. It read: “Choosing what you want to do, and when to do it, is an act of creation”. I chose to get into my yoga practice…

As I set before the class, the calmness was slowly coming down to me. The peacefulness. My body is my temple, as cliché as it sounds, and I need to take care of it. Love it and cherish it. Feed it the right way – from inside and out. Not despise it, not hate it – help it. I vowed. It’s time. I am moving forward. No river flows back.

I stood in front of the mirror, looking without judgment on my belly, hiding all the hard work of previous months, and I took a deep breath. In and out. My mind stills, my brain relaxes, my thoughts slow down. My favorite instructor speaks the monolog, in her wonderfully quiet and powerful voice, and I tune in – and zone out – without even noticing it. First posture – comes easy. Amazing feeling. Getting deeper and holding still. Moving onto next. Nothing buckles under. Strength, balance, endurance, stretching – all coming together. By mid-way I notice that the bloating is lessened and I can see some kind of carving in the abdomen area. I bend and fold – oh, my God, I haven’t fully folded in 6 years…I hold and not celebrate, just being. Every asana allows me to move deeper and stay stronger. Mind blowing how this practice flows. I allow it to move. I don’t judge, I don’t think this is my “new starting point”. I simply accept it as is, right now, right here. I am eternally grateful.

And I think - this is how I want my birthday to be. Grateful and celebrating my body. I will attend that half-marathon for women that my girlfriend signed me up for as a gift – and I’ll run, or jog, or walk, being thankful that I can. And I will take another Bikram class (free class on birthday, yay!) – and accept wherever I will be on that day. And I will eat good food, food that nourishes my body and that leaves me feeling healthy, from head to toes. And I will be calm. I will try. I will make an effort. I promise. I owe my 42-year old body that much…

Sometimes to gain clarity you need to let go of control. Often it is difficult to comprehend, and even harder to do. But those moments when we grow and mature define how much better the next step in life will be, easier if you will, and happier, I hope. Just like coming to yoga practice and let it envelope how it is. Let kids make their mistakes. Let details slip between the fingers. Let law handle the cases. Lets politics play itself out... At home, Larry cooked the dinner, kids were reading books instead of whining about no electronic devices, and I retrieved into my favorite spot, a corner chair by the long windows in the office. At last, I was not fidgeting or anxious, or on the run. I was at peace.

I ran every regular route on the roads in our old neighborhood last week, before we moved. I improved the times on each of those too. May be 4 months break did me good. That and the fact that the temperatures in the morning are almost chilling, hardly reaching 70’s, and during a day only hovering a degree or two over 90. My foot still hurts, but not obnoxiously and the pain kind of subsides about an hour after the run is over. That much is good. That much gives me joy and a reason to sketch out a training plan for next season. Interestingly, I had completely outgrown “fear of missing out”, that rigid tightness which makes me to identify myself with how many races and how well I run. I still want to do it. I am not into doing it “just because”. I have nothing to prove, not to others, nor to myself. My last foray into “I can be anything I want to be” past year was awesome – I trained for roads, trails, ultras and even body show. I had a great year. As I design schedules for people I work with, I am itching to “practice what I preach” and have a nice blend of hard exciting training and running for pleasure. Just the way it should be. It’s time to do it for me, smart, slow-cooking, quietly. It is also time to dream about exploring new trails not related to races, about traveling to new and forgotten places, about fast-packing in the mountains, about stopping and smelling the air, while utilizing the wonderful training that ultrarunning gave us as a gift. It is growing older, wiser and happier, already…

There is nothing I don’t love about our home. I love the street it is on, the middle of not-through-street, which nobody drives on unless you live here. I ran every nook around already, and it is certainly flat, not Great Hills area, but it’s only a short jaunt over there, a 2-mile passed the parkway, and you can have all the hills you can handle. There is a small local park a quarter of mile away, and it has a dirt path around – 0.6M total. Perfect for intervals, because they don’t have to be on a track as long as you out an effort and improve the times. I already designed the workouts…I love the layout of the house, the kids separated from us, the beautiful kitchen with lots of light coming through the windows over the sink. I love the small bathrooms which would send you to 70’s (and it should). I love that we have this neat small backyard with a lot of potential, completely dead right now, but waiting for us to put our hearts and sweat in it. I love my office – an extra bonus/den room which wasn’t even listed and doesn’t exist in any other home on this street. How did it appear is a mystery. I’ve always dreamt about a little room where I can retrieve to and stay quiet, and do handcrafting, again. I’ve been knitting every night since we moved. I have ideas roaming in my head non-stop. I am becoming pretty domesticated…I love how small and cozy it is, how it has everything you ever need and doesn’t overwhelm with large spaces and power. It is homey, you know, exactly what I pictured home should be. To think that between a wild idea that maybe we can think about a house and actually physically moving into one has only been 2 months (exactly) is crazy. But then again, what is normal with me? Life is supposed to move forward, remember? Hopefully, we will be moving alongside with it…

It's better to be known by six people for something you're proud of than to be known by sixty million for something you're not.
Albert Brooks

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character
is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
John Wooden

Life is spinning, but under control still

2011-09-27T09:09:00.004-05:00

As you can imagine, it's been quite crazy. We signed the papers for the house on 19th, as well as reached that day our 2 year wedding anniversary. Nice present, huh? Oh, also my 18 months of clear lungs and 18 years arriving to US, against my will and very temporary. Nothing more permanent than temporary, right?

Since then, it's to the house every evening after work. We hired a company to remove and re-do popcorn ceiling, and it sounded all good, until it wasn't - they rushed, they did a sloppy job (one I could have been happy with had I done it myself, but not if you call yourself professional, and get paid fr it). So, today is their last day to make amends and make sure we accept it, or that 90% check is not reaching the owner (while his workers are paid by him already). Such is life. I am quite disappointed, to say the least.

Anyhow, tonight we start painting the bedrooms. That has to be done by Thursday morning, when the carpet people come. Friday is electrician and all his work to be done. Wednesday is also a fridge delivery. Money is slipping through the fingers like water, but it still feels cozy to do - it is OUR HOME. After owning 3 houses, this is the first time I am really into it. Either I had finally matured, or I am doing it with the right person:) The amount of little projects and huge undertakings is growing on the list, but we keep telling ourselves we have time, and we shall (and will) take it one step at a time.

I had packed most of random items, clothes and some good glassware, and taken 3 car-trunks full of stuff to donation center. That's why I actually like moving - allows me to really look into what I need, and what is sitting behind forgotten and useless. We don't own much, yet the boxes fill up fast, it freaks me out. Thankfully, we only own enough furniture to sit on, sleep on and eat on, so the 10 feet U-Haul truck should suffice. Because Saturday we are going to move majority of all that in, before continuing on the rest of the stuff, little renovations, cleaning old apartment (key return October 10th) and unpacking/organizing. It's a trying time...

Obviously, both of our trainings took a back seat. Larry completed 90% of his runs last week, and this week it may come to 60% - but I know he is ready to make a great race at Ozark regardless. I did 3 gym visits with weights last week, 4 nights on SM, 2 walk-a-runs to work (6M a pop) and a trail hike of 7M on Saturday. The good news is I am enjoying my outside adventures. The bad news is my foot hurts beginning 1 mile in all the way to the end, and then most of the day (with ice and Vit I provided). The good news is, my pace when I do run is pretty fast yet feels like I am hardly moving, and I am not even breaking sweat (that resistance theory or general strength increase, Maffetone method?). The bad news is, even though it's finally seems that heel edema/post-stress-fracture is on the mend, the PF is back worse (or I feel the pain more now in PF area after the pain in the heel itself is lessened). So, my good friend Doctor Shannon put me on 10-day cycle of steroids. Lets all cross our fingers and toes it helps. I am pretty darn tired and pissed, and had it not being the house, I would blow off.

I plan (and on the way) to have 3 walk-runs to work this week (M-W-F) and 2 gyms with SM including after weights (T-Th). All early in the morning. Saturday and Sunday are designated to the move. I had 3 clients last week and 2 this week. I had to turn down quite a few people, and will do so all October, besides the regular who had been set up at least a months in advance. My apologies for inconveniences, but I have to make choices. A "real" job that pays the bills stays in priority (and has gotten on a up-span as well with workload and meeting next week), along with family, house stuff and such. I am staying aware of eating, but I did add potatoes, brown rice and fruits to my daily diet, and removed the protein shakes. I still do eggs and spinach for breakfast, cottage and tuna as snacks, tofu and lettuce as lunch, so not all is lost - just more of a regular dinner, with all chicken parts included beyond breast, as well as ground beef. I obviously filled up, and because there is no way a person can gain fat in a week, it is a great experiment to realize that on Paleo you loose water by not consuming simple carbs, and that what gives effect of being super-cut. My muscles didn't deteriorate, not did I get fluffy and fat (I don't even consume fat foods), but I looked more rounded and less defined within 3 days, literally, while scale stayed at +2lbs only. This is where I intend to keep it, at best ability. If you care to know:)

Of course, there are kids, throwing a wrench at most wrong times (when the times are right for this?), but all is being dealt with, and we'll make it through.

Until further notice - have a great time wherever you are, whatever you do!

Living Life Fully provides food for thought daily.

2011-09-26T10:26:00.007-05:00

It's better to be known by six people for something you're proud of than to be known by sixty million for something you're not.

Albert Brooks

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

John Wooden

The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have.

Carol Clurman

Life is the ability to start over again.

Joan Chittister

Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows.

Michael Landon

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon--instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.

Dale Carnegie

The world is blessed most by people who do things, not by those who merely talk about them.

James Oliver

Words are plentiful, but deeds are precious.

Lech Walesa

Your thoughts should agree with your words, and the words should agree with your actions. In this world people think one thing, say another thing, and do something else. This is horrible. This is crookedness.

Sivananda

From crossroads to normalicy.

2011-09-16T10:35:00.003-05:00

Most of the important things in the world have been
achieved by people who have kept on trying
when there seemed to be no hope at all.
Dale Carnegie

I was lost. You know the feeling, you train for something with all the focus you can possibly absorb into yourself, and then you don't make it. You feel like a child lost in the woods (aw, that's actually is a great feeling! When I was not even 3 years old and a military brat, I ran away from home into the woods, and then they had to send out a whole troupe of solders from my dad's division to look for me, and I can't say I was thrilled, I was still enjoying my outing when was found). OK, so bottom line is, you feel lost. What's next? What's now? What's the purpose to go to the gym, to lift weight, to jump on much disliked stairmaster...it's an empty feeling. When it happens after running a goal race (and it happens every single time to a different degree depending how important that race was and how much I pushed for the performance), I call it a "Post-Race Depression", or PRD. When the "race" doesn't even happen yet all the eggs are in the basket...it just feels odd. So, on Tuesday morning, when I met up with Coach Drew to confirm my email stating that I, indeed, am out, and we probably should cut our losses short and get some rest from each other, we just stood there, at the weight rack, not knowing how to proceed, until I offered to go out and have coffee. We had a great chat, he is a very enthusiastic personal trainer with a hell lot of knowledge (and education to come along with), and I wish him best. Too bad he couldn't use me for advertising of his skills.

And so I set off on a 2-day mourning process. No gym, no food police. I needed a reset button.

And there it was. My PRD never lasts more than 2 days, lucky for me. On Thursday my alarm went off, and I spent an hour lifting and 30 min climbing. I was back to the foods I got used to during the last 3 months, and life became simple again. In the evening my son and I went to the gym...good ol' times. As we walked, he noticed a weird vibe, and I realized I haven't told him yet (in my pity) that the show is cancelled for me. He was hugely disappointed - I think he was the one who was upset the most! Who knew? He had to go through his own process of accessing and mourning (and offering me to move it all himself, and that I can just "run quickly and walk on stage and come back", and may be the show will get moved to another date...). But after 45 minutes of working out, as we walked back, he came to resolutions, all on his own. How I got fit. How I look good (I don't know if you realize that was coming from a 15 year old male to his mom). How it will help me once I start training for races. How proud he is of me. And how we developed our relationship and made it so strong based on our commitment to support each other, as we walk to the gym, every night, and do our own thing there. If he wasn't a 15 year old male and my son to boot, I would have squeezed him and cried right there...

So, this morning I went for a test-run. As I made my way on the usual street route, in the usual dark, meeting usual suspects doing their runs, breaking into a jogging stride, trying to be careful as I land on the heel, listening to the pain, the fears, the uncertainties, the silence, and the music (all at the same time)...it felt so normal. Just the way it should be. In a mere 3 mile jog I had contemplated on more life than in the last 3 months. It was a sense of peace. The world is still here. And so am I.

I was lost. And now I'm found.

When you put your hand to the plow, you can't put it down until you get to the end of the row.
Alice Paul

Funny how life is.

2011-09-12T09:28:00.008-05:00

We plan, we strive, we try to make things happen, but Universal faith has it's own destiny. Just as I was getting bored on my way to the final push to Figure show, yet buckling down for it, buying all those diuretics, swimsuits, tan sprays, colon cleansers, and may be even considering the fake eye lashes, some things came ahead with the house, and due to circumstances we are not able to control the weekend of the show now is taken by matters by far more important than parading on the scene while wearing a tiny bikini and flexing muscles. Sad? Took me a full 24 hr span to get used to this turn of events, and a wake up at 2 am this morning not being able to fall back asleep, a long conversation with Larry, and hearty chat with Eman, and a timely email from an OR friend Sarah "What was the ultimate goal, the show or the transformation?" sealed the deal. It is what it is, and it's for the best.

Not the first time I drop my athletic pursuits for family, as we should. I remember in the summer of 2006 I was geared up for White River 50 M championship, when on a short notice I had to attend a "life" seminar for my older son's boarding school program. I did, and during it managed to tear my hamstring. I was being delivered some message, which I didn't take seriously. I did cancel my trip to AC100 due to the injury, but entered a Rio del Lago 100 as a cancellation prize - and suffered drastically. Last year I was registered and had airfares booked for both CC 100 and P2P 100 when our new family faced things with Stephen that required my presence instead of running away (no pan intended). I stayed. Things got resolved - not right away, slowly, but I had never regretted not running those 100's or having money wasted.

Yes, I had gone through exactly 3 months of serious weight training, strict eating plan and exercise routine that wasn't bringing me any joy (being injured didn't help). Yes, I spent a crap load amount (for me) to pay for the program design and supervision. But, it's not wasted. First of all, I had achieved far more than I had ever dreamed of where my body stands, breaking all my barriers of what's possible. And in the end, it wasn't even all that difficult, it just took adherence and dedication. The Figure show as a goal was picked exactly because I operate better with an end goal in mind - and it worked. Secondly, I learned an insane amount of knowledge about what to eat, how to it, what works best for me, again, breaking ideas of what I thought I couldn't survive without. Third, I hope I had inspired many people to believe that it is, indeed, absolutely possible, no matter where you start. In 3 months (and I cheated, I got to be honest here) I had lost exactly 8% body fat. That is about 10 lbs of fat - while my weight as a number only changed by 4 lbs down. I had dropped something like 4 dress sizes (I can't find my favorite model even in size 2, yet alone see beyond that) and completely changed my body composition. I had learned the periodization in weight training far superior than when I took a Personal Training certification course and exam (duh!). I was pushed to do cardio that I don't particularly enjoy while on an injury break which otherwise could have put me out of shape - and into a complete emotional misery. I stepped outside the box. I had overcome the uncomfortable feeling of posting own "flexing" photos as a mean to see progress - and to be accountable. I had shared awesome times, day in and day out, with my son, as we went together to the gym, every evening, he - to lift and then swim, I - to put a second workout. I plan to continue with many of these - both our evening gym goings and my renewed eating ideas. It all had become my second nature, one I hope will keep me healthy and fit for years and decades to come. And if and when the time lightens up (and so will finances) - I will step right back up again, armed with the power of what I had gone through already. And if not - this will be a great experience to remember, one for the "bucket list":)

Per Kim's request (no swim suit posing though) photo comparing and stats:
Body fat from 19.8% to 11.2%, weight from 127lbs to 122lbs, widest part of behind from 93cm to 86cm, leg from 54cm to 51cm.

We have all been placed on this earth to discover our own path, and we will never be happy if we live someone else's idea of life. James Van Praagh

Choose always the way that seems the best, however rough it may be; custom will soon render it easy and agreeable. Pythagoras

Weirdness settles in.

2011-09-10T19:30:00.004-05:00

My progress towards this body show is going the way it designed to - the stubborn parts are melting, my clothes are falling off (even the pair of pants I bought just a month and half ago, and my favorite clothes designer Kuhl don't sell in smaller sizes), and all seems to come together. Skipping not-allowed food choices had become a second nature, the appetite adjusted, the brain switched the desires, the double (or triple) workouts are fitting in no matter time and level of business. At the same time, the excitement is wearing off, and the goal seems pretty vague at this point, again. Almost like I had come to a point where I am ready to live, yet I am still supposed to strive for something, and I can't grasp that goal in my mind. 4 weeks out, I should be a little more eager, you think? What was that I was going to do?

But it had become simply a life style, what is not necessary a bad thing, just not thrilling. I am not even liking all that much this extreme way I look right now, I enjoy more of a feminine curve in female body, athletic and fit, yes, muscular, to the point, strong, absolutely, not flabby, hopefully...but still feminine and sexy. Funny how it is, huh? We often strive and think it is outside our reach, and then we get it, and now we want to find a middle ground. I guess I needed to be where I am to figure where I want to be for a lifetime. This is good for the goal I am aiming for. Once it's over, a pound around my behind won't kill me. I am happy I could show to anybody willing to try that nothing is impossible! The fact that I could do it tells me I really have no excuses to not keep myself trim. I just wish I could test that wind-resistance theory now being so narrow:)

But my foot is still not at the point where I can go and float up and down the trails (or roads), which doesn't help with my mind set. The weather has been simply beautiful. If you told me 2 years ago I would call 90F a great day (and 70F is truly a God-sent morning), I’d laugh you out. But we are enjoying the cooling off, although at the same time mourning the losses of homes and parks to fires all around Austin and beyond. Now we just need a good ol' hurricane, and hope that all the dead nature (or at least most of it) will be able to revive. One can hope...and dream of a good single track under the feet, wind in the pony tail, smile all across the face...

The MRI was read, and bottom line is, since it was taken 3 weeks after the injury, there is a thickening of a plantar at the point of attachment to a calcaneus (heel) bone, as well as a thickening and an edema and contusion at the bone itself. Which may or may not indicate at the tear of PF and a stress fracture of the calcaneus, but it does prove that PF still exists, along with that bone edema, and since it is a weight-bearing bone, it takes 3 months at the minimum (up to 6 easily) for this combination to heal. What means I am for sure, absolutely, not running a half-marathon on roads on my birthday (next day after the show) - because even if by miracle I'll be able to jog soft trails by then, I am not risking jarring it on 13 road miles for the sake of fun when I have a Rim to Rim to Rim trip planned a mere 2 weeks later - and face another 3-6 months off. This, so far, has been THE longest time off running for me EVER! Already! Grr! This is when you truly realize how important it is for you, really, far more than training, racing, choice of surface...just the movement for the sake of sanity..

And, of course, there is that house, and this is that nice tickling feeling, so soft, so warm and fuzzy...and my time with Stephen has been so precious...and my yoga classes have been awesome...and life is really wonderful, really!

Accept everything about yourself. I mean everything. You are you, and that is the beginning and the end; no apologies, no regrets. Clark Montanas
To grow is to go beyond what you are today. Stand up as yourself. Do not imitate. Do not pretend to have achieved your goal, and do not try to cut corners. Just try to grow. Svami Prajnanpad

p.s. my heartfelt congratulations to US teams at World 100km championship - men took gold and women got silver as teams. Personal applauds to Meghan A., Amy S. and Pam S.!

Integrity and the death of Wasatch Goats for me?

2011-09-08T11:36:00.005-05:00

I have a huge problem. I speak my mind up. I had troubles when I was a young teen due to this and I am having difficulties in my life to this day. However, it's an inherent and hard-raised idealistic trait I own and I have no desire to rid of it. Somebody shut me up...

When Team Montrail fell apart as we knew it (with greatly fast National level runners and somewhat good regional runner's team), I was picked up first by NUUN team, and then the Wasatch Mountains Speed Goat Team was comprised, lead by Scott Mason, a personal friend of Karl Meltzer (thus the name of the team, if you know Karl's nickname). A bunch of former Montrailee's accepted the invitation with pride and happiness - hey, we all loved the concept of the Team! At first, there was no promise for any gear, and we weren't asking for it - we just wanted to run and share our emotions and results. The email list we had was absolutely awesome and offered the best support ever on any team I had seen. Then sponsors stepped in, and slowly but surely we all settled in to something of a real deal - with a pair of La Sportiva shoes free and then others at discount, with a good discount of First Endurance drinks, with a coupon for Backcountry purchases, and some shirts that were provided by various outdoors companies (different from year to year). We got Drymax on board and were happy as clams.

This year the communication began to trickle thing, and while I will not go into any details, bottom line is - there was silence from "the top"...come to think about, there was silence from "the bottom" (or the middle, if you will) as well. Had the Team outlived itself? Is it because the sport is changing? Corporates behind, prize money, invitations, extreme professional level, fast and furious, and at the same time every one and their mother? I don't know...and we can speculate all we want, but it doesn't matter. I don't even want to touch this subject here.

Bottom line is, I am out. Whatever happens to the team in the future is something I am not willing to deal with. I am simply tired of a limbo "are we a team, or are we not". I am truly grateful for the relationships this team, and any other teams I ever participated in had allowed me to develop, and the exposure to various products helping me run with more ease (if it's possible, or at least with more fun). I have my favorite products I believe in and trust into - DryMax socks, La Sportiva shoes, UltrAspire and Nathan packs, UD bottles, Power Gels, Succeed! caps, Lululemon bottoms. I will keep using it, whether half-priced or not:)

And I will keep running. Running is my passion. Mountains are my life. Trails are my love. Nothing changes there, thank God. In a great scheme of things, being called a specific name is insignificant, being associated is not important. I am old enough (or mature enough) to stand my own ground. To hold on to my own integrity. T run for my own purpose. To race my heart out. To explore. To challenge. To keep searching, to keep building my better self - and hopefully never find it. Because I kind of like the state of moving forward:)

Subway poster child and Weather forecast news .

2011-09-04T11:53:00.003-05:00

So, we slowly begin to pack. I mean, we don't want to live on boxes for the next 4 weeks, but I love, love, love getting rid of things, going through memories, pairing down, de-cluttering, and donating. It is just me (and my sister) who are complete nuts when it comes to saying "goodbye" to stuff. My parents, as they are the "war children", keep every nook they ever had (especially mom, you can die trying to find anything in her closets). My sister and I used to go through their library (over 1500 books to start with, which neither one of them read) and pull ones from the back, taking them to the bookstore for sale. We did same with some old clothes, taking them to Consignment stores, and to my mom's jewelry - we pressured her to get rid of a full box and buy a pair of good diamond earrings and a diamond ring. She still can't forgive us for succumbing (some almost 30 years later). My sis and I had lived under a few grand ideas:

1. we are not that rich to own cheap stuff

2. we move around way too much to drag all the stuff with us

3. if it doesn't bring you joy and/or not getting used consistently, you don't need it

4. nothing can't be replaced but memories

5. what will you take if you need to go in 1 hour? what leave sthe best legacy of you when you go for good?

I tend not to bring attachments to items in my life. My most prized possession (stuff-wise) is a wooden box full of my belt buckles and a few especially tender medals. When I was at one of those seminars to discover thyself (with my older trouble teen), and the question was asked what will you grab when the house goes on fire, I, without any hesitation, and before even thinking about documents, said "that box". My ex was pissed - he "took" photo albums, as they bring memories of happy times (who, in their right mind, takes pictures of bad times, you know?). I thought, well, in the last 5 years at least all the pictures I have digitized, and my baby stuff can be found in my parents' home, along with first years living in US (we always printed doubles and sent to them back then). Buckles, though, speak to me of the character I cherish, of what I was able to overcome, remind me how string I can be - and how nobody, nobody on this Earth, can take away from me what I had achieved by finishing those races. Buckles, while I rarely look at them, just sitting in the box, remind me to strive, to move forward, to not be afraid, and when I do get scared, to keep putting one foot in front of another, even if life seems to almost come to a stop at times.

But I digress. Although my "I don't care about crap" attitude definitely helped me to make those 11 moves (and that's in US only), 2 of which were across the country. In 2004 we drove from NYC to Portland, OR, putting 10 years of life of family of 4 into a 10 foot UHaul track. In 2009 I drove a Honda Civic (packed to the brinks) with my son and a cat from Portland to Austin. Now, I am not saying it's the only correct way to live. Because while my boys are not clutter-holicks by any stretch of imagination, and our family will never, ever end up on a show "Hoarders"(rather "Skimpy living" by any American standards), I find a lot of resistance, and I have to step back and let them keep what's important to them. And so we go...

But I can still get rid of my stuff, right? And since I lost all that flab, and surely hope to keep at least most of it away in the future, the (very small) closet got smaller by numbers. And hey, look what I found!

A pair of pants I wore when interviewed for my UT job in Austin, a week of my Cactus Rose 1002 years ago! Now, honestly, I don't recollect how they felt on me, snag or loose, I just know these dress pants don't allow you to wear belt, so they must have set on my hips somehow. I also owned them for a few years - back in 2006 my dad gave me $500 and told me to buy clothes that fit an adult mature woman (and not a bunch of running shorts). I obeyed, these were one of the purchase - I kept it for special occasions, like interviews (I managed to return 90% of the clothing items I bought on that trip simply because the "serious woman" style is not me and I would never wear them anyway). So, the day came, and I had to part with these pants...and I actually felt sad. Not about the pants, God forbid, but about my ass that had disappeared. Even my dear husband complains there is nothing to grab anymore, and I used to be proud to be a "normal size" woman who runs, despite the wind resistance - back in NYC, at Armory track, when I surprised my Van Cortland Track Club teammates by running a 6:20 mile, (not fast by any stretch, but a hell of a surprise for the coach in the club coming from an ultrarunner and sucky marathoner), the result announcer raised his eyebrows and said: "With the width of your hips you can block the wind for drafting others, if you find many folks behind". It is also unbelievable of sorts to realize I lost so much in my waist and hips, come to think about it - on a daily basis we tend not to notice it. And there goes my belief that I was born wide and stocky...what excuse will I be using now?:-)

On another news, the weather is awesome! This morning there was a breeze and practically cold, jacket-like! It'll be 60's in the morning and 90's during a day next week!!! I can't believe it finally happens, Fall is here...I thought this day will never come. This was the longest most miserable weather stretch in my life, by far worse than however many months of greyness and drizzle of OR or snow and cold of Russia. Now I just need to recover quickly and go for a run!

I actually have to report that today was the first day my heel didn't hurt as much. I'll take that - not much is better than no change in over 3 weeks! I had an MRI last Wednesday because I got frustrated enough with the fact the foot pain level hasn't changed despite my obedience of no running and no walking (beyond work-related) and I used the last day to squeeze the procedure before the new insurance year and it's deductibles kick in. Still haven't heard results yet. May be, keep your fingers crossed, I am over the hump.

I've been a really good girl, working out and doing cardio and eating right, and doing my second Stairmaster session no matter time and state I am at by the end of the day. I am, frankly, quite exhausted, but pushing it through. Next week shall be a tad better on double-job front, and the 3 days of sleeping more than 5 hrs a night due to a long weekend should be very helpful to revive me for the next 5 weeks cranking. I ordered my swimsuit and a spray tan, so, I guess, I am not looking back. May be next post I'll announce where it is going to be and invite all the local ultrarunners to come watch - this way I will have to buckle up and represent:)

p.s. speaking of Subway - I actually truly do love their sandwiches, favorite of all is whole wheat toasted with meatballs and swiss cheese and lettuce and tomatoes and those banana peppers...but, alas, I can't eat them as the bread is not gluten-free. I miss this travel-meal big time though...

Facing the truth.

2011-08-30T09:22:00.009-05:00

Today was my measuring day. I knew that, and I couldn't postpone it longer, but I surely secretly hoped I would. It was time to get a sobering news and face the consequences. Of what? Oh, please, there were plenty of set backs last month. In fact, I felt that I was making 2 steps forward and 1 (or even 1.5) steps back. First, the running went kaput. Running was what produced biggest change in a previous month. Then, there was a binge (and general lackadaisical approach to eating). Stephen was back, so was me back to cooking meals - my kid grew up with a full dinner served and everyone has to sit down and eat together. That meant I love what I cook, I need to try as I cook, and when I do sit down, while I avoid forbidden items (like pasta and rice and potatoes), I tend to eat chicken that I sauteed in curry sauce instead of boiled chicken breasts. I have clients most of my evenings, and that cuts into an opportunity to do a cardio workout in the evening, and in the morning, with an hour of weights, I can only squeeze 30 minutes of exercise machines. And, I do need - and want! - spend time with my kid and my husband. I actually believe it is more important to hang out with your kid when he is 15 then when he is 2 or 8 or any other age. Surprisingly, my son wants to hang around. So, we go to the gym together, but he is done in 10-15 minutes tops. I can get extra 30 before I start feeling guilty (while he is at the pool alone). So, here we go. We had two birthdays in the lab where I partook in testing a spelt flour banana bread and homemade oatmeal cookies. And then, of course, was the race and standing around aid stations - I had nuts, cherry tomatoes, watermelon (not bad foods, but really bad quantities), and even 2 burger patties.

So, I was ready to get sober. 12.2%. And while the number itself is awesome, don't take me wrong, with only 0.7% body fat drop it doesn't bring me any closer to where I need to be, and the last 4 weeks had been if not a waste, than not a progress I wish they were. I think coach Drew ran out of encouraging words for the first time in 3 months we've been working together. He tried, though. But, he also said "We need to drop 2% or more in the next 2 weeks". 2 weeks! 2%! Holly cow! He took pictures, but I don't believe he'll be sending them so I don't get too disappointed. I put great muscle on, but that was the easy part. My body is designed for it, for being a potential body builder - the problem is, this is not what we need (in fact, I was told to stop working my quads because they are popping more than needed for a Figure show). What we need is loose the fat. What means a really - really! - strict food intake (I hate word "diet") and more cardio. Yeah, right. No running, no time - and more cardio.

More cardio. Drew says he is almost surprised I don't feel any energy sunk, but why would I? My body is used to high and quality miles. It has a certain threshold above which it doesn't feel any strain on it. And a certain type of movement as well. My body is not stupid, you can't fool it by throwing 30 minutes machine routines at it. It may get tired and sore, it doesn't shed calories as easily...

I am also finding it more and more difficult to withstand the questions of my co-workers and other random friends on why to do it. Often, instead of "go for it", I hear "Common, you look great, why suffer?". Sometimes I feel like I did when I was trying to quit smoking and had my "friends" saying "But you're not doing it that much, and you do other healthy things, don't be hard on yourself...". Kind of eluding to "Seeing you propel forward makes me look bad" type of thing. I did quit smoking. I can achieve the other things too.

Unlike the last shake-out, I am not complaining here. Rather, calmly accessing my chances and figuring out how to make it happen. I want it more than I did when I started, because I am stubborn, and I put enough effort into it. I am, though, honestly, loosing concentration here somewhat because it's been a long haul and slow grind to the result. You know how they say that to stop making mistakes first you need to admit and accept to yourself that you are making one. Why would you lie to yourself? Who is out there to judge you, but your own self? It is so much easier to work hard on "pumping iron" than on monitoring and preparing right food when there are so many other things interfere. I am not even using it all as excuses, just simply stating facts...I know I am really hard on myself, and feel like I got no will power at all. Pisses me off.

Work has been pretty unproductive lately, soon after my presentation, and that doesn't inspire either. Not to mention my heel injury is not any better - any at all. Wish I knew what the hell there really is, but the doc didn't want to do MRI since it doesn't really matter, the treatment is the same. I am just not the kind of person who takes prescription without knowing the cause... It's like everything needs to have a fresh start and begin anew. There were good things too:) I was called "tiny" by a massage therapist (I had never ever in my life been considered tiny!), and the girl from my gym and Bikram studio salivated over my abs (and she was ripped herself!) So, at the least, I am better than where I was when I started:)) And so it begins, final push. 6.5 weeks. We'll make it, right? Why going hiking and turning around 300 feet from the top, if you don't reach that top? I am like that. Purpose of the end result drives me. I love to enjoy the ride, but there are times when the ride has to hopefully have a high point.

p.s. I was pointed out to this article about training as a Kenyan runner, and it was a fascinating read. You can apply it to anything you do in life. If you want to excel l - you have to work for it as if your life depends on it. I copied a few paragraphs I found inspiring and teaching if you don't want to read the whole (long) story.

In my tribe, we often motivate ourselves by looking further beyond the guy who has become a champion in what he does, we say quietly to ourselves ”If he made it and I’ve known him before he had anything, I too can become like that and achieve something” Once you engraved this hope in your heart, I tell you no discouragement or anything will root it out from you no matter how many years it takes.
I like to keep it real by running in hours or in minutes, forget about the heart rate, how do you expect to improve while you are setting limits on yourself? For me I’d rather die doing something that means something in my life than die being afraid of it.
There is no other way or shortcut but to train hard without holding anything back for later, and all you think of so you can make it to the top is to train more than anyone else, train till your ribs become like guitar strings. Ignore the pain, never quit, even when it rains there is no excuse for not training, for this is a battle of life, and when in a race, you run because your life depends on it.
No one was born with talent, its something we came to find early in life and use it to shape our destiny.
Don't eat as if is Armageddon is coming tonight, for goodness sake, cut the crap, cut the belly and start eating like an athlete whose seeking victory, don’t be afraid of what people will say to you when you are skinny, to be an athlete you have to eat, look and talk like one.
Running is not easy, and triumph of any kind is never savored by those who speak of excuses, but only by those who speak with actions.
Here is the most important thing about running that people don’t know and some coaches fails to apply it to their athletes – running is a combination of four things…
1 – Flexibility.
2 – Endurance.
3 – Strength.
4 – Speed.
As a runner what I can encourage you the most is, try to train with someone who is little bit faster than you, or train with a running group, and whether in training or in a race, don’t place yourself in the back, but be in a chasing position, for its there where improvement comes from, measure yourself by going out of your comfort zone as often as you can. Believe in yourself even if you have failed or savored defeat before, the past never matters, what you can do when you are willing to unleash the fighter in you is what matters on all battles in life.
And when you are injured or sore you mustn’t try to find a shortcut to be pain-free, and to get rid of it, ice , rest, stretching and massage it has always been the way to get back to the battle field.
If you have an injury of any kind, be easy on it and unto yourself, your body is the most important thing to care of in this life, let it heal so you may be strong again, and I tell you this, you will be stronger than you have ever was, patience is the key, train your mind to be of positive mindset, then when the storm is over, take yourself outside and start all over again, remember not to start from where you left, for if you do you may end up being ”kaput”

Our body is a very unique machine, if we can teach to sustain such things in life, it can do wonders and to experience that wonder we must do whatever it takes no matter what.Try to understand life instead of stressing about it, and when setting goals, try not to put the bar too high for sometimes things in life happens that’s beyond our control or understanding, just start by laying it out brick by brick, for it is brick after brick a house will rise to withstand the storm.

Kiplimo Chemirmir

September 1st add-on:
I've been good on my eating plan and making time for cardio 2xday every day since Monday. I am seeing results on the scale now that the muscle-building phase is done, which is good, means I am dropping some fat. Thanks to all for encouragement, I draw my lifeline from those. When I stand on that walkway, I represent all of us who believe and make things happen...

Why I love my ultrarunning family.

2011-08-28T11:14:00.005-05:00

It's been a blast. It's been a pretty short lived one, since Stephen got really bored quickly, and we didn't stay past 11 pm (and I completely understand him, I offered him to stay home, yet he wanted to spend time with me, so, you know, priorities, I love my kid and so on), but it's been great to be at The Shoe night races. And, I didn't even have to be a medical, since all our regular medical stuff was accounted for - Shannon, Troy, and the one and only Liza! She was in charge, and tending to fallen comrades, while Troy and Shannon did the course loop and glow sticks, and I, well, simply nipped at the aid station food, chatted away, yelled at some runners when they come by the loop start/finish, and had a generally awesome times, answering a bunch of questions on why I am wearing Hoka (ahem, injured), how am I liking them (not very much unless it's for a long road/dirt road race, definitely not for technical trails, but can see the benefits for others), what's next for me (nothing really, and I am renewed in this), what I think about our US runners dropping out of UTMB as a high rate (sad, really, wish they sucked it up to inspire all of us, regular folks, like Hal Koerner did, even if their day wasn't developing well)...Liza brought me an UltrAspire pack, my dream came to fruition! Can't wait to wear it for Grand Canyon trip - Larry, of course, is sceptical of my running R2R2R due to foot not getting any better, but screw this, even if I don't run a step until late October, I am going to do the Rim run! Larry ran an awesome 30k, boosted all the confidence, even though he kept being upset with me for rolling my entry onto him. The temps at the start were 108F. Stephen went for a swim in a lake/Colorado river at the campground after we sent off the runners on their 9M loop. I got to see so many friends and realize, yet again, how blessed we are to find each other. As one of our up and coming (or, rather, screaming) runners here Neil Lucas said recently “It’s like ultra marathons are a magnet for hardworking, caring, and dedicated people; nothing but the best out there.” This kid is, like, 21. he's got a great life ahead of him - for recognizing this and voicing it so well. I met a Russian girl the other day at the bus stop, and she tried to strike a conversation, and after a few sentences I kind of shied away. Come to think about it, I can relate to folks doing crazy trail things and adventures much more so than to those who speak my tongue. My dad was disappointed...but, really, it's just the way it is. I found my niche. I love these people. I don't feel like trying to validate myself with more of a normal crowd. It takes way too much energy, and I don't know why I have to...I am reading a book written by Jill (by the way she is an amazing and captivating story teller!), and all the adventures she had had so far in her life (and counting) make me envious, in a good way, just like photo-shoots by Leslie and Danni, Sue's trail explorations and Gretchen's beautiful Tahoe mountains...Frankly, I had seen a lot, by all standards. I was always in love with travel and seeing as much Mother-Nature as I could, even before ultrarunning came into my life. But with so much around, it feels I am running out of time, and while a few years ago my FOMO consisted of "run more races", these days it's more of a "explore more trails without organized events". May be I am getting old, or may be it is a normal progression of things.

Larry and I went for a coffee this morning. We don't do this often, and it is a very special event. this was my first break from exercising daily since we are back from San Juans, and we talked...and it is thrilling to know we have same goals in our future. Where to go, what to see, how to plan and squeeze it all into our normal lives of adults with obligations and responsibilities...No, it doesn't mean we'll stop doing races, because we actually both love racing (and you can read Larry's report here), but we also would love to take a step back and see something that WE want, without any strings attached, and be able to open eyes wide and exhale...So much life to live!

EnduroPhoto

I took some pictures, and you can find them all HERE, and tomorrow the official photos will come up on the race's website (there are a few funny of us re-enacting the finish, hopefully will be posted, along with results). In a meantime, we'll keep dreaming and slowly chipping into them, coming up with more and more new ones:)

I love my (other) job too!

I have some awesome job with this gig of being a massage therapist and a running coach. I have it even better because it is not my "bread abd butter" job, but rather "I love helping people" passion. I don't have to fill my waken hours with clients - I get to choose whom am I working with, and commit to them fully, and connect with them on a very deep level. This weekend I had those fantastic people on both sides of my so to speak "business" - wonderful people taking care of their body and soul through the power of massage touch, and great success story of my client Jim running his first ultra - after only doing a half-marathon a year ago. Below is his letter which touched me dearly.

I did it. 8:55. I wanted to beat 9 hours and I made it. Happy with my performance. My feet, muscles that support the feet in lower leg, and the insides of my thighs are most sore. No cramping, except when I fell on lap 4 (my light was dying and I couldn’t see well). Almost no stomach upset – 1 min on lap 2 and 3-5 min on lap 4, took salt caps immediately and it went away. I used bandana with ice to keep cool for first time – worked great. Used new insulated handheld to keep water cold – worked great. Headlamp only lasts 6 hrs, not 50 that advertisement says. Garmin 305 doesn’t last 9 hrs, even with new battery. Overall, very happy with first ultra. I told some friends that I should write a book. How to go from not running to ultramarathon in 18 months. Thanks for all your help and support!!! Best wishes,Jim

And that's my friends, why I do what I do. To get to encourage someone to success that they are capable of! And to be able to look at a map, point a finger, and say - yeah, I can go here, I know how to get around these mountains, and I have just a friend who can share it with me too!

Just live through next Wednesday...

2011-08-26T13:46:00.002-05:00

We are real troopers out here. May be Virginia had its 45 seconds of fame by shaking, we broke 80+ years record of most days (over 70 and counting) over 100F in a summer. Yesterday was balmy 98F, but today we are back with another heat wave coming...To tell you the truth, the last two mornings felt really nice, almost chilly. I heard from locals, you know heat is about to break not by when the temperatures drop during a day, but by how nice the mornings become. I felt really nice yesterday and today...too bad I couldn't enjoy it on trails. I am doing well, thanks to all nice comments and support. It's going to be a fun night tomorrow when I play a doctor at the Shoe Trail Races! I hope everybody has a grand time this weekend. I promise to bring pictures and stories!



106°F	110°	110°	108°	105°	103°	100°	100°	102°	100°
78°	78°	78°	78°	77°	77°	77°	76°	76°	77°

Mood swings, setbacks and binges.

2011-08-23T11:00:00.004-05:00

It's been a hard week. I miss running. I miss running so much, I want to scream. I miss moving from point A to point B, I would take even walking at a snail pace right now. Having just had a break with tibia stress fracture and anterior tibialis tendinitis was OK in a big scheme of things - I had completed my season of racing, I had aa awesome one at that, the summer was in full swing in Austin with temps searing above 100F, I needed a break - and I was embarking on a new adventure. It was a great timing to be hurt, if there ever is.

And I could still walk, by the way. I would feel it, but nevertheless, I could walk. And shortly after I could do some shuffles. And then we went to San Juans and hiked the mountains. By the return time, I was back to running in no time. Life was good. Life was looking up. Even when last mental bonk happened, it took all of a day to re-group and set goals including both body training AND running. I was in heaven...

That didn't last long, unfortunately. It feels so wrong, so unfair, but something snapped, something broke, and I am back to square one, or even past it. Can't run if the foot is hurting. In fact, can't walk, if each step sends pain into the heel, and I roll so violently onto the outside of my foot just for regular life's moving around that now that part hurts too. And it pisses me off, on so many levels. And every other day, when the pain gets better, something snatches, and it comes back with vengeance!

Now is not the time to cut back on the cardio. OK, I can suck it up and do StairMaster, then spin, then EFX - on weekends. I can't drive to the gym 3 times a day during a week! I can't stand on these stupid machines for more than 45 minutes at a time! And may be for some on-the-street person it's a kick-ass exercise, and I work hard, and my heart rate is soaring, once I am off it - it's like nothing happened! I am an ultrarunner, damn it!I am fit and trained! I am bored out of my mind and hate all my music selections on i-Pod by now, I can't stand TV, I used every program on these machines, I made up every interval I could come up with, every day, day in, day out, and it is all mental, yeah, sure, but common, people! I want to run!

I also NEED to run! There are so many things happening in our lives right now, I need to sort through my thoughts, and running is the only way I know how to cope with things.

We got the house things settled. It is truth, we are buying a house. It happened at a whirlpool speed, like everything else in my life. While we had been saying there is no reason to hurry, eventually we'll be moving out of Austin once Harrison reaches 18 (and we will), we can rent and save - we both longed to have a home. Larry - because he is a normal American guy with a normal dream and huge amount of unused energy he would love to put into doing house-related stuff. I...well, because I still don't feel home here, and because I really hadn't had a home, come to think about it. Being a military brat, I never lived anywhere for long, longest stay with my parents lasted in Moscow between ages 12 and 16 - but that was my parents' place. I started Medical school at 16, and while still officially lived with my folks, I stayed at dorms and traveled like crazy (something that is a passion of mine, for sure, I've been traveling with parents since I was 9 months old, and then by myself since I was 10, sleep-away camps, friends and travel packages). At 19 I moved out, at 21 I moved back in, at 22 I moved out, at 23 I moved across the Big Pond...in 18 years of my life in US I had moved 11 times. Think about it. 11 apartments and houses. Yes, I've been an owner 3 times. First house in Portland we bought 3 days after we drove through the country - because we needed to send kids to school after Labor day and it required an address. Second home we bought because we thought by moving we would save Alex from his friends' influence (how naive...) I loved that house, the location, I picked it...but we never got to be the family we planned to be. Alex was back - and back to his destructive behavior, and not 4 months later our marriage, that was already trying to survive on fumes, fell apart completely, and by summer, 6 months after we moved in, we've separated, sent Alex to military school, divorced...What kind of home is that? I bought a condo. Just to get away, be on my own. It was small and had what Stephen and I needed, but it wasn't a home. Another few short months passed by, I've met Larry, and soon made a decision to eventually move to Texas to be with him. My condo, instead of getting homey, was on a mission to get rid of items insides and get sold...And so I moved, again. And we made a conscious decision to rent. The complex is nice, has all you need, located at the trailhead. But...there is nothing you can do in it. And we both love doing things...And the "living for a bright tomorrow" was wearing off on us. We were getting edgy with this place, and just as we simply "looked" at houses online, and one drew our attention - we get a notification that rent goes up in 60 days. Not little, but a huge chunk. 15% up. Insane. Suddenly, owning made sense in so many ways. So, we looked online again. And kept coming back to the same little house. We went inside, by ourselves, just to look. And it was love from first sight. Yes, it is small. Needs a lot to be done. But the location is good, it has what needed to move in - and it's so cozy, we can put personal touches in it the way we want to, it feels home...to both of us. A week later we got a realtor, made an offer, and just like that, we have a closing in less than 4 weeks. And we couldn't be more excited.

You see, there is another level at it all. Level of commitment. Seriousness. Marriage. We dated by flying to races in different parts of the country, and we ran in beautiful places. Then I moved in - and we got married. And for the following 2 years we've been adjusting to living together, loving together, being together. While a wedding on a trail with 2 kids, a Reverend and 2 friends was what we chose and wanted, somewhere deep inside, at times, it almost felt unreal. Having a home together is huge. It seals the deal. It makes it real. We are a family. We survived the worst of times in these 2 years - and we got stronger, and our relationship grew, and our love blossomed. This is a logical step. And emotional step. A step in the direction it should be. A step that makes my eyes misty and heart sing. Even our kids are thrilled. We are going to have a home...

So much on my mind, and I can't run! Killing me! I am a doer! To be able to function - I need to move in a rhythm with a free energy, or at least know that when and if I wanted to, I could! And I know I can't! Drives me nuts. So, I buckled for a day under the pressure. Unlike last time, I knew it's going to be for a day, I'll re-group and move on. But I needed to have this buckling, this emotional bonk. You think I write a lot - it's the spill-over you're getting! When the amount of my thoughts is not fitting in, this is when it gets out! There is much more...but I won't bore you. I succumbed and had an ice-cream at work (darn those new students and their welcoming parties!). I came home and had an apple. And an orange. And a pear. None of which are on my allowed food list. Then I ate soup - a chicken-veggie soup, not bad, but oh, so salty. Went to the gym, in hopes to get the frustration (and extra calories) out. Came back - and had a PBJ. And another one. And I am not even supposed to be eating wheat as I am gluten-intolerant! Thank God we ran out of bread (poor Stephen had no lunch for today) - I could have kept going. The effects were immediate - and continued into this morning. I am a fat bloated pig. So, no, no pictures or posing today. Poor coach Drew had to play a shrink and re-wire me back. As he nicely put it, "lets consider it an experiment we needed anyway, to see if we have to do the carbo-load before the show to have a fill-up muscle feel". I guess, no carbo-loading for me. Ain't working with this body's system.

So, we just worked hard. It's 6 weeks of work and 5 days of slimming. No stepping back. We're going to make it. Come hell or high water. Moving or freaking breaking a heat length record in Austin. Not running or walking. No mid-way goals either (you know, when you have a goal 100M race, you run a 50k, then a 50 miler, then another one...so, if you have ideas for me right now, shoot 'em!). And I am sore, just as I am sore in my legs after yesterday's workout I did. I don't back off on workouts. I guess that's a good thing, all things considering...

I was told by a number of folks recently that I had made them believe in many things. It truly is one of my goals in life, in my training, besides the fact that all this brings a personal satisfaction in many ways - to inspire. To prove that anybody, any body, can get anywhere the set their mind to. I keep saying "I am your next door neighbor"...to which my coach responded with a finger knock on his head. "There is something up there you have many don't". May be. May be not. "Something up there" can be changed too. See, I make mistakes, I have break-downs, setbacks, cheats! And even and while I do - I know I am going to be back!

Seems that I wasn't alone at that either:) For Liza help came form reading some book. May be if the word "diligence" meant something to me...It may sound cliche, but when the going gets tough, I think of so many struggles around the world. Yes, about starving children in Africa. Or orphanages in America. Mostly, I think about WWII and Soviet people. Soldiers on the front line. Their families behind in blockade. Partisans of all ages and gender. Nazi concentration camps. I grew up on those stories. Nothing makes me more proud than being Russian. But I am not obnoxious. People that came here only few centuries ago had done amazing feats. Moved through the country's vast lands. Built lives. Suffered, and kept on going.

I am so incredibly blessed. I have my health, and I know how to take care of it. I have a great kid who is back to school and is excited to beat his last year's grades - which were best since he started school at all! I have a wonderful step-son. And a best husband I can wish for, most supportive, understanding and loving. And - we are going to have a home, all of us, together.

Rumbling now...had to delete a couple of paragraphs here. Funny, I just explained to a friend of mine that I don't feel as safe writing my heart's content anymore. Sticking to exercise side of my blog. May be that exploded too. So here. An excursion into my past blogging. I am still the same. I mumble a lot, and I love to run. Which is a good thing. I think so anyway:)

p.s. was asked to share this article. And a shout-out to Ronda for completing and becoming the Leadwoman!

Show must go on - 7.5 weeks out

2011-08-16T17:27:00.002-05:00

So, I tried to run, of course. On Sunday, I went on a 7M trail loop in my Hoka, promising to walk and shuffle occasionally. And for 2 miles or so it was actually working, I could do some light jogging on a very slight decline and power-walked flats and walked ups. Then, the constant aggravating of the heel where that injured ligament attaches did its deed - and the pain was settling in. Even with the rigid high shoe, I could feel it, and there was no way around it - or to shorten the loop (well, OK, I could do that, but it took me another mile to realize I am doomed, and then it was really half-way either way). So, no running, I told myself at least 2 weeks. I emailed Joe P. and took my name down from The Shoe 60k, and Larry stepped in for the 30k version, so I just could still come, fill my need to see everyone, and to serve medical at start/finish area till midnight shift. It's all good, I have no ill feelings.

In a meantime, back to my machines. Saturday was filled with an hour of Stairmaster, hour of spin class, and then 30 minutes of Jane Fonda butt kicks, side kicks and so on. I was actually pretty tired and sore! So, not all is lost. This development also made me to focus on my eating plan much more seriously. Since I was running, and pretty high miles, I could easily justify an extra egg here, an apple there (nothing threatening, just a touch). Now, I had gone through the weekend with the family, and survived just fine on strict adherence. It's possible. It's getting better and easier. It's becoming a life style, which is a fascinating thing in its own right.

That, and the body changes. I remember claiming I will never be able to "grow my shoulders wider and make my hips more narrow" because it is my natural built. Well, I was wrong. Everything and anything is possible. I am amazed beyond believe. Not proud, or boasting, but simply amazed at the possibilities human body can achieve. Just like in running further, and longer, and faster, you can train your body - and it responds. And it makes you want to try harder, aim higher, be better. All the images of workouts are courtesy of Coach Drew Moore, who has been a great motivator and instrumental in my success. Also, a tremendous thanks to my darling for an ongoing never-a-doubt support and inspiration, without which I would have not be able to focus with calmness, and for taking on a lot of new tasks which I'll allude to later:)

The Show was moved one week out - to October 8th - and October 9th is my birthday, as well as a day I am supposed to run a women-only half-marathon (for fun and chocolate). This is also a weekend we have to move out from our apartment to a new place. This is a real birthday Olga's style - never a dull moment. I am excited, anxious and looking forward to all the challenges life keeps throwing at me!

Oh, and on the weekend we took kids to the Barton Springs - a crazy-cold natural pool of water Austin is known for! I even got into the water and swam, as much as I dislike cold water! And we had barbecued at our local pool, and we watched the movie, and went to a new skate park, and hung out at Book People...and I think we're buying a house. I guess I am sticking around and becoming a real texan:)) Life hasn't been that whirlpool-awesome in some time!

Aspire. UltrAspire.

2011-08-11T18:59:00.008-05:00

UltrAspire and Krissy Moehl. The man behind Ultimate Directions and Nathan Sports.

Personally, I can't wait to get my hands on this puppy.

Sadly, for the next some time I'll be back to crosstraining as I managed to extend my long-term-lasting PF into a tear at the inside of the heel of my left foot. During yesterday's morning's hill repeats. On the first one. What means, of course, I did all 10 of them, and then hobbled a mile home. Like God tells me to focus on one thing at a time:) Freshly diagnosed by a doctor this morning. With suggestion to take 3 months off and make a very slow come back in building miles. And to wear clunky sturdy shoes for now (at least not a boot!). Ha, silly! And he was actually nice, understanding and knowledgeable. So much for a 60k where I planned to kick ass and take a trophy home:)...But I got my newly replaced Hoka, so who knows, even though I hated them for trails, they could help me on a road, and in this high-rigid ride I might be able to go!

Never give up, find what inspires you - and Aspire.

Things will happen in your life that you can't stop, but that's no reason to shut out the world. There's a purpose for the good and for the bad. Walter Sparrow

Impossible is null.

2011-08-09T10:26:00.005-05:00

Believe. Focus. Dedication. Consistency. Hard work. No excuses. Use help when needed. Educate yourself.

Believe...Impossible is Null.
Mo'e Elite Fitness and MooreStrength

Hanging out at The Falls 60k night run

2011-08-07T16:30:00.003-05:00

It is so awesome to be back into the community! I miss racing atmosphere so much, I miss helping out folks more than racing itself, to hug, to chat, to kick them out, to hand-feed and serve drinks, to make sure they are coherent, to be happy with them, disappointed with them, fight the Sheriff for "no IV fluids", laugh, worry, talk more, kick more butts...

I got it all, and Larry's finish to boot, in one night. Which started with a blown tire a mere 5 miles before the race's headquarters, and Larry, who is normally not known for his patience with new sudden changes and developments, kept his cool, and changed the tire in 7 minutes flat (npi). I was amazed, at both skills (being unfazed and changing tire fast), so were the boys.

An hour and half of heavy-duty socializing and "ah" and "oh" of what we both look like (it's been a long time since we attended, beginning of April), the runners of 30k and 60k were sent off. I stayed a few more minutes, stopped at the park entrance to let Stephen skate (my boy has his mama's stubbornness, when the surface of the road didn't allow him to perform most tricks and I was ready to go, he swore and said he ain't going nowhere till he gets it done!), and then dashed to the fist AS at 5M - barely in time to see Larry come through, 10 minutes ahead of expected time. After that I took our kids to Dripping Springs for some dinner (they deserve a treatment when they are bound to get sucked into this weird crap their parents love), and dashed back - to start/finish for a 30k and a mid-point of a 60k. And the carnage started piling up...

It was 104F at the start (7 pm, mind you), and the humidity high, and lots of road runners trying for trails...not carrying water...not taking salts...not consuming calories...and puking, getting lightheaded, dizzy, puking again, pale, shaking...Troy had to be pulled off the course (he was running a race, but he is a PA) to help me deal with so many, and with the sheriff who never saw people being in this state (and us being calm). But, by the time we left at 2 am, nobody died, and everyone was able to hold liquids and even food down, and walk by themselves. The race was still going on when we left (cut off at 7 am).

I got 3 hrs of sleep and went to a local trailhead to lead a Sunday group run. My eyes were not opened as we began, but as minutes passed by, I got light in my step, bouncing up and down, and all I could think about "there is nowhere I rather be". It was a beautiful (yet humid) morning.

Another week of solid mileage - 69 - last one for a while now. Boss is back (no morning running to work), massage clients are all back from wherever they were (no post-work runs), Stephen is home (gotta spend time with my child during his precious years), house chores (apparently, Russian women are known as emancipated yet never liberated...bingo!). Then there is that thing of a presentation at work, and I also was invited into a professional relationship with a group ASHA. Some day I'll work on my business website...

Enjoy some pictures I took.

Joe P, the RD, with Debbie, best finishing hugger (yes, better than myself) at the check-in

My sexy husband getting ready to race!

Doise (HCTR VP), Sahnnon (HCTR MD), Mike (HCTR dude) and Kuss (Tejas Trails coach).

From top left to right and down in rows:
Crash (The Cook) and Joe P.
Claude (runs a 100M a month)
Steve Moore (HCTR Pres and always top runner)
John Sharpie (another newly worked-on body)

Jacob (improved finish by taking my fueling advice)

Thomas Orf (runs this summer just for kicks, yeah, right)
Ready, start, go! Kid on the right - the Winner
Diana Heynen, alwasy helping (or running)
The Kids, patient and good, make me happy

Scratching the itch.

2011-08-06T12:25:00.002-05:00

Went for a longer run this morning, as per schedule for the Shoe 60km night trail race at the end of August. Figured, all I need is 20 this weekend, 25 next weekend - and 11 a weekend before the race. Just going for a comfortable finish, just because, no reason, just miss trail racing so much. But did re-evaluate my idea of jumping into a 100M race (Chimera was the plan on November 19) - the truth is, I have this non-stop bitterness that my "perfect run" at OD100 was sidelined by my injury. We got splits from the RD, and apparently, I was 2 minutes behind Linda at mile 50 (just as she passed me), just beginning to feel pain coming strong, 20 minutes at mile 75 as the pain escalated, and STILL ONLY 25 minutes at mile 87! That's after 2 horrific technical steep trail downhills where I used self-made crutches! I think that says I am a better trail runner, and she is a road runner. And all the next 40 minutes I lost on the final stupidly steep road downhill I hobbled!!! Same as I lost to the guys I was around with at mile 90 AS! Grrr...almost (almost is the key word) makes me want to come back and run better, but this is ultrarunning, things happen, and this is why we do it, fare and square. That said, I won't be in a good shape for November race, and I will only sabotage Figure show, which I am not backing away of, and I have some financial goals to make, so I won't be traveling to CA in November - I'll just run a local Warda 50 miler, chill for a bit and start training for speed, before adding on the distance. New year, new goals, old me:)

With all that, and since September will be backed off long runs (which make me retain water and fat as a body's mechanism for survival, when I will need to start basically dehydrating myself and pretty much starving too, yep, no secrets, those body shows are about as much fake as they get in the final month), I was looking forward my 21 miler. And it didn't disappoint.

I nailed it. I absolutely nailed it, every step, running through the rough local trails at the pace my best runs were done at, with no training, bunch of water, starting at 80F and 80% humidity and finishing at 90F and 60% humidity. It was awesome. Fluid, strong, brain never "went", I even got the words of most of the songs (which means I wasn't in a faze I usually am by mid-run). Crystal-clear and awesome. Hamstrings got tightened up, and my left knee has been bothering me last month, but with all that - perfect run, extremely satisfying, almost surprisingly awesome, and gives me so much confidence. No distance training, weird no-carb-low-calorie eating, lots of "pumping iron"...I still got it.

It, and that body show. Entertain yourself - pictures below are exactly 2 months into my training with Mo and Drew (8-2-11). I am not afraid anymore. I want to inspire. Anything is possible. A big shout-out to Ronda, who is about to embark on becoming a Lead-Woman, and who always keeps me honest. I also shared my "diet tips" with the local group, which I include here:

I wanted to clarify on eating stuff. I am not even sure (to say the least) what ratio Paleo claims to be going, and have no clue when talking about 40/40/20 or other percentage, which number goes to what. I don't have time for this. I believe in "eating what my grandma ate, on a plate the size she used". The way I alluded to Paleo was that I excluded simple carbs in terms of anything from flour, sugar, grain and starch (no pasta/bread/rice/white potato/sweets for the simplicity of the point). At the same time, I am not into bringing lots of fat, however healthy they are. That said, I don't jump on a wagon of lots of pork chops, fried ribs, beef steaks and so on. My protein source is chicken, tofu, eggs and fish. It worked for me. Eventually, everyone will find their own way. No diets are good - because they all are temporary solutions. Changing the way we think and live is the one and only path. My fall-outs are a slice of good cheese and a piece of 90% chocolate:)

And now - on to a Tejas Trail night race to hang out with friends and watch Larry run a 60k. It is a beautiful thing, this life!

All's alright with my world.

2011-07-31T13:02:00.008-05:00

I need running. I need running because it is me, my sanity, my life. I need moving forward, no matter speed, terrain, surface. I have preferences, but at the end of the day, as long as point A is different from point B, I feel that I am not stagnating, not staying in place. Most likely I would have been a better runner if I practiced my intervals in a controlled environment on a treadmill (so that the heat and humidity wouldn't skew the outcome), as well as extended my hill repeats from 0.7M (longest we have in Austin) to 2-3M (what I used to do back in the Gorge and what I need to the races I prefer to go to). I do, at times. But for the "me" part - I just keep on moving, meditating as I go, thinking, contemplating...That's why I ran through each and every one of my injuries during my 10 years in the sport (do not do what I do, bad example). If I can't run, I walk rather than run in the pool or crosstrain. I believe 2 full weeks is the longest break I took off from "moving forward under my own power on a surface with gravity", ever.

Ever noticed how the more I run, the more I post? Running helps me sort things in my head, because I can't physically "do" anything else besides putting one foot in front of another. So, eventually, the white noises disappear, and things align. It helps me face the life's challenges, the "gifts" that get thrown at me, the crazy news, and the even crazier "no changes on that front". Then, I need to spit it out on a paper/computer, as soon as possible, don't care for the outcome. As I punch two fingers into keyboard, those aligned things begin to make sense. I click the "post", then read - only after I post. And more sense and clarity comes. Often to the point of "what was I thinking?".

I need goals. I also need a purpose behind each goal, why and when. Like they taught us at the seminar for trouble teens parents: Goals have to be SMART - and even SMARTER. That's why I sign up for events and make a schedule. Some folks are of creative nature, they operate much better in a free spirit sort of things - which I love, that free spirit thing - and more power to them. Structure feels safe to me. We can all become psychologists and find a reason some of us feel safer under certain circumstances while others in different, but for me, that's what works. Although I always need to evaluate and figure out why.

I need friends. Real friends, folks who don't sugar-coat things, say it as is, call me out on being a wuss, and make me real when I pretend. They help me to overcome being scared. To see clear my own potential. To re-evaluate my goals and reasons. They are just there. Not for "everybody deserves a trophy" (everyone does), but for "what the heck, snap out of being a whiny baby, a day of a break down is enough" (everyone entitles for a day of being low here and there).

I don't care about judges decision on whether or not my fat level and muscle size is where they'd like it to be. I care about where I can get it to, just for kicks. I care that I don't stop half-way. I don't give up. It's OK to stop when something becomes useless, but if one can find a reason for reaching out to something, if stopping makes one feel uncomfortable - then don't stop, even if the end result is silly, stupid, artificial, not reasonable to maintain long term and not needed by anyone but you. A week ago, when I changed the blog format, I added a couple of quotes to the right side bar. You may have not paid attention. Here they are.

"Above all, challenge yourself. You may well surprise yourself at what strengths you have, what you can accomplish." Cecile M. Springer

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." M. Scott Peck

My world is back to normal. For sanity, I need to run, to pick a running goal, and to go for it. So, I did. For sanity, just as well, I need to make sure I don't back away from where I set out to get beforehand. I am one who had seen this life from bad to worst. I am one who believes in myself to emerge on the other side, always. Buckle up, I am going for both goals now.

I ran 59 miles last week, and 65 miles this week. These are the biggest training weeks for me this year, imagine that. 246 miles for the month of July, crazy nuts, most this year as well! (yes, I count Colorado miles in). I won't keep at it, but I can figure out how to fit it all in and not sabotage anything in my life - neither figure show, nor 100M race on a calendar, nor my work and family. It is possible. It is done by many, many people. No excuses. No judges. Just myself - and that mirror I have to look into when deciding how honest I am with myself.

Seems that I am always battling the same fight...this needs to stop. I have to get a grip.

1995-1997, 60 lbs and 12% body fat difference, took 2.5 years to get there, maintained for 4.5 years.

1 year span, from 3 weeks after my DNF at Tahoe 100 last July to 7/23/11, 20lbs and 10% body fat difference.

So, go ahead, laugh. Because I went for a run today, the "longer" one. I made it through 17 trail miles, and I allowed myself to not worry about pace (took my watch off). I wandered, I thought, I smiled. (For those who read iRunfar's post on fueling, and Ultralist's explosion on "bonk runs", I didn't eat beforehand - a cup of coffee is a must though, and I decided to forgo a gel I carried. I drunk 4x20oz bottles of water. I also noticed that after my last Sunday's excursion "under the sun" the heat wave of 105F we had in Austin didn't bother me at all, and today I was almost "chilled" at 80F at the start, despite 88% humidity.) I ran into friends. I listened to music. I picked races to throw into the rest of this year, and gave some thought of what I want to accomplish next year. I don't think I have many years left of competing, or running at somewhat higher level - not because I think I will fall apart, but because my priorities shift with age, and my training depends on where those priorities are. What I do intend is to still keep making goals - and to going after them. May be it means I will downsize to 50M races, and may be I'll race fewer times in a year or few. But I want to be fit, set example, be healthy, and keep exploring. I want everyone to believe they can get anywhere they set their minds to be at. I want to teach my children to never give up, and work harder when the going gets tough. I want to keep believing in myself, and to be content with every decision I make. I want to make sure my mental state allows me to make people who matter the most to me - happy. To give them love. To give them confidence to spread their wings. To know that we each are power - and together we will make anything happen.

Goal or Purpose?

2011-07-29T12:18:00.020-05:00

Goal - a desired result a person envisions, plans and commits to achieve... within a finite time by setting deadlines.
Purpose - is a result, end, mean, aim, or goal of an action intentionally undertaken, whether or not the purpose was a primary or secondary effect.

Are these items the same, similar, or have different meaning? My vocabulary gets overwhelmed, because somewhere deep inside I see things as they feel and not described by words, yet along being translated from one language to another. Goal is the end result, but purpose is the reason...

Somewhere back in the Spring I had thought of a plan for my built-in summer break from running, yet keeping myself in shape and motivated, by getting trained for a Figure Show, the way my one girlfriend did it for a couple of her off-season stints. She succeeded by far and hugely. It is a great and worthy goal, it is challenging in terms of hard training - and surely comfort level, it coincided with my following the path of Paleo (as I can fit into family life) weight loss along with "run a bit less and do other things to keep myself fit and healthy", and I received a gift from my father for a sum of money I could spend on things not budgeted. So, I spent big part of it on a couple of Personal Trainers and got on a program (being injured kept me super-motivated to stick to the diet and routine).

For 2 months (sans 10 days vacation in San Juan mountains, although the eating plan was followed pretty closely to "must do") I stuck with it. Last 2 weeks I started running...I missed it, I loved it, and, to my relief and what I thought anyway, the scale budged even more. My body changed. My fat dropped from 19% on May 30th to below 13% in these 2 months (10 days of which was spent not training precisely) - 6% difference (more measuring coming on Tuesday), while weight as a number lowered by only 5 lbs (building muscle is one of the goals on the path). I had never being that low in body fat in my life. The clothes are falling off, and I do enjoy looking in the mirror (so much that I actually do look into it as opposed to more normal to me not even glancing in). I am well within reach...

And then we had to start practicing posing, and thinking about swimsuits and high heels. And the wheels came off. This is not me. I don't wear heels. I own a pair of shoes with 2 inches heel on which I can only walk to the car and back - 5 inches heel seems unimaginable. I like the fact that at almost 42 I look fit, but wearing swimsuit that leaves nothing to imagination scares me breathless (and I am from Europe, so shame/shyness/prude is not something I practice on regular basis). And being judged by a bunch of strangers on the way I spread my shoulders - not on the way how far I had come, the size of my muscle, or any other measurable result of hard work - is just not my nature, very scary and uncomfortable (and I suck at posing). And then - there is that part of more money. I paid for 3 months. Due to schedule changes, the show that originally was supposed to be September 3rd, moved to October 1st. Extra month of trainers. Cost of suit and shoes. Show fees. Tan spray and professional make up. Hotel stay...I can't justify it, neither to me, nor to my family (even if they are always on board if I am happy). But this is where the caveat is. I am not happy. I am not happy because I started running, which brings me joy, and I have to still fit in all those "other" things, and while I could swing it all last 2 weeks with great results, those were last 2 weeks I had no Stephen home and could feel less responsible for doing (or not) other things - and yet still feeling guilty. I am very traditional when it comes to a gender role in a family. Not doing all of my "duties" to the extend I feel I have to (I am my own worst judge) throws me bonkers. I have a full time job, which with all this double-training had become even less enjoyable and somewhat less productive (surprised I had good results despite not putting my soul in it), and I have a part-time business. I am only human, and run only on 24 hr a day (6 of which I try to sleep, somehow, if I can squeeze in that many)...I am tired, and I am simply bored, having a goal that does not thrill me. Nothing's wrong with weight training - I had been doing it even longer than running. Only with weight training as a single mean in its end for me.

A couple of weeks ago one friend of mine had a little bit of a breakdown while deciding a very important (to this friend) religious matter. I am not religious by any means, and surely not the same as my friend is. I wasn't giving advice. I was simply contemplating while listening to a story. "If you are not sure of your reasons now, then don't" I said. How true. Apparently, this helped my friend the most.

We need to know the reasons, and to be content within our hearts. We don't do things to impress others or prove anything to anyone. What matters is what makes you feel right - and those around you happy, for you and with you. Sometimes I need to listen to my own advice:)

I still have a month to go that is paid for. I will give it all I have, just as I always do. Shh, don't tell my trainers, I want them to continue kicking my ass every time to see just how far I can get. I learned a great deal about food and my body reacting to certain types of it. I acquired a huge knowledge of body building (far superior than when got certified as a personal trainer myself, ha!). I will chuck this experience as a very necessary for me at that stage of my life. I will use it for life. And then I will move on to the things that excite me to no end - like dreaming about my next mountain race, visiting friends, serving fresh dinner and sharing it with family (although not eating grains, but at least sitting down together), spending money when budgeting trips away (away from Texas heat, from work, from every-day life...), and using all this information to keep my body to as close of a shape as where I am now (or will be in another 4 weeks) - that'd be a REAL challenge. Now that I know everything is possible, I'll take it as a purpose for my journey, while a goal...well, consider I am about to fail the end result. Stage freight is my enemy, always had been. If the goal was to "show off" - bummer. If the purpose behind that goal was to get in best possible shape - I am on cloud 9. I may still change my mind, I am entitled, and I reserve the right to retract any statement:) Occasionally, I give up on things, in order to gain perspective on what's important.

...or inspiring.

Like this one.
Or this.
A woman who is set to beat an overall AT trhough-hike record. Almost there now.

And a woman who had just finished completely self-supported crossing of Death Valley.

Occasionally, I move on ahead, for myself.

Who turned on the oven?!?

2011-07-23T16:00:00.004-05:00

I don't know about you, but when I just learned about ultras, there were 2 I heard of as ultimate goals - Western States and Badwater. My first year of venturing into the distance I took family for a CA 2-week vacation road trip, and we, of course, visited (and took pictures at, and hiked/ran parts of) both courses. That was also the year I realized my love for trails, as well as my potential as a much better trail runner than a road runner - and Badwater, with its pavement, 130F, desert views, and $4,000 on average to spend to make the race happen, was gone as if it never existed.

I really dislike heat. Heat and humidity. I can make do with 90F of thin dry air in the mountains, but that's about it. Last year I got burnt on running simply because it was mid-July, and "hot running" already lasted for us here, in Austin, for 3.5 months at this point. This year I planned a break, with a different agenda inside the summer to keep me occupied.

But, apparently, I love running. You know how I often claim I am not a runner, I love mountains and single-track trails, and vast views, and green trees, and I can do whatever as long as I am out there...yup, all that, and I love running. Guilty as charged. So, despite having a written plan for that silly body show of mine where it says "walk on TM on incline 3.5% at 3.5mph" (honestly, I can easily fall asleep at this pace/grade combination), I figured I need to run. Besides, I am feeling rather fat and can NOT for the life of me loose that lower belly pouch! I mean, ok, I discovered, finally, after browsing all those body-show-related websites, that when they say "3 oz chicken breast and 4 oz broccoli", they mean exactly that, not "3 oz chicken breast lunch meat and some tomato, pepper, lettuce and hot sauce". I better buckle up, otherwise all that money so far spent on personal trainers are wasted (that's not to be grateful that my body had changed drastically, thanks to them, and my muscle mass grew while my fat percentage dropped). Anyhow, I believe those "walk on TM..." routines are for regular body-builders who's bodies are not used to be burning calories during serious aerobic (and sometimes anaerobic) activities.

You read me right. I have designed my own running training inside this body-building training. Step by step. 3 miles here, 5 miles there. Intervals on the track (yay, me, made through 'em all, even though had to talk myself into each and every one of them on Thursday!). Power-walks home from work (just to squeeze my miles into a week). And - the ("longer") trail run...

Today is Larry's birthday. My boy is so big now:) He has been on his own quest to drop some, gain some, better some - and had been awesomely successful (under a watchful eye of yours truly...telling you, being part of my family is a hard work, it basically sucks!). He had a choice on when he is doing his long run, and when I will be getting out (we have Harrison this month, and so need to alternate days for training out of the house). He chose today, his birthday, as a morning to get out, and I could sleep in. It kind of messed me up - I am a morning person (my alarm is set at 4:45 am, and 4:30 am on Fridays). His mom is in town. They left for lunch. I started walking to the gym at our apartment complex...

And suddenly I was missing the trails. Let me tell you, it is 1 pm. I live in Texas. It is 102F, 40% humidity, and heat index 105F. I thought - piece of cake. Turned around, put trail shoes on, picked a second bottle, texted Larry I am off for a 10M loop, and hit the trailhead (in the middle of our apartment complex, yes, we are lucky bustards to live like that, that's why we are not buying no houses now). I gave myself to complete by 3 pm.

The sun and heat zapped the energy in about 10 minutes. I figured, I am not in a particular hurry, I just need to keep moving. I was sucking on my bottle like crazy, and soon was trying to decide whether I should shorten the loop down to 7M. I figured I'll make that decision when come to the intersection where that extra-3M adds on depending on how my water supply is doing.

So, I am moving along. Slowly, half-walking. Whatever, still beats staying home, or eating Mexican food (not my personal food choice on a good day, yet along when I am on some crazy diet). Music is in my ears, step, step, sip, sip. My throat is dry with every inhale when my mouth is open. I am thinking - wow, that's what must it feel like, Badwater (somewhere before sunrise, may I add). Few more steps. Not a single soul, not animal, not even spider. No crazy critters or snakes. Only idiots. Only I. Uphill. 0.7M of making a small decision on each step: do I lift my leg up this ledge, or take a breath first? Sweat pours into my eyes - I forgot I need a bandana when running in Texas summer. I can't see where in the world I am stepping to. I start thinking it was a really bad idea, and I shall not take the add-on. I feel guilty about this downgrading of a run, but smart.

Hill is over, road levels off, and I kind of run in bursts, and not even sip on my bottle. Which propels me past the intersection...I am bound to make it all 10. Oh, joy...at least there is some shade on this loop-end. Mind you, "shade" in Texan is not something most of you (unless you live in Texas or Arizona) imagine. Shade is produced by somewhat taller than you something what locals call "trees" yet look more like shrubs to me, and the leaves are sparse, so it's mostly just branches, thus the "shade" provided is like a spider-web see-through worn-out old knitted scarf. You still are going to love every inch of it. And when the wind comes - it is something of a breeze that potentially can shake a baby-bird's feather if it tries - you pray to Gods. And, I had a cloud on the sky - all of for 63 seconds, you bet I timed it! And you are grateful for it too!

Not soon enough to die, but enough to hate my life, the additional loop was over, and I thought "It's all downhill from here". So, I run, and my body begs me to take a walk break. I say - hell with you, in the next 5 minutes there will be a little incline, you can walk there! Body tries and complies...but 3 minutes later gives up, in hot sweat and cold shivers. So, I walk, dizzy, and by now out of water. Great. I didn't take my cell phone, otherwise the only idea I have is to call Larry and ask for a icy-cold water bottle. That, and a helicopter ride.

Eventually, the "big loop" is over too, and I have 1 mile to go. You want to know how hot it was? Under the highway bridge, at the edge of the park, with 1 mile to go, there is a Ranger's truck, and in the back of it a familiar sight of an orange 10 gallon water cooler - and I am not sure if I am hallucinating or is it true. On the side of a cooler there is a pasted-on note "FREE". If I tell you that ranger saved my life, it would probably be exaggeration, but it was pretty darn close. I think I was about to have a heat stroke. I fill my water bottle and not even 5 steps away drink half of it. I think about turning back - but figure it'd be unfair to other idiots who decided to go for a walk on that day, at that time. So, I suck my bottle as I walk home...

This loop on a good day takes me close to 1:50 (with a PB of 1:40, and I could go on about how technical, rocky, and actually quite seriously hilly it is, but I'll leave you at that - I am proud of my 1:40). Today it felt like 2.5 hrs. When I touched the tree (a ritual I brought from Portland from my girl Gail), the timer said "1:56". I crawled home, sucked on a glass of ice-cold water, and reached for a trophy from the shelf I still have (one of 2 saved, all others dumped). I felt I really deserved it today.

You bet I am counting years, months, weeks and days till I leave Texas for good - no disrespect to Texas, Texans or trails, only the summer weather conditions.

In a meantime, if there will be a mid-July week I got nothing better to do, and someone will decide to donate me $4,000, I might just sign up for Badwater.

Please, never quote me on this. It's the heat stroke talking. I am gonna go get another tall glass of water now:)

Back to the grind!

2011-07-17T11:40:00.003-05:00

This first week back was hard! Not only it had to be in Texas, where it's been over 100F for 31 days, and there are still 2 more months left at least to be there, it's been work, business, training - and no mountains! I even had to change my blog lay out to remind myself of my truest love - because only mountains don't promise to love you back, you don't even expect them to, but you love them still. I don't get the feeling I do when travel across ridges, climb steep, bust down, get into the dense woods or open vasts - anywhere else. I remember when I was freshly divorced and my girlfriend suggested dating website, she insisted I had to put "love moonlight walking on the beach", and I was like "really? I hate beach, and everything with walking next to or swimming in the water, unless it's a creek crossing high above tree line where I can refill my water bottle!". That said, I enjoy many other setting, but if I had it my way, no responsibilities attached, I'd be in a place near loads of trails leading up to high peaks:)

When I complained at my job that I am sore and tired after not doing anything for 10 days, my co-workers were surprised "What do you mean, "nothing"? You've been hiking and running in every picture!". Interesting to see reaction of a normal human being after hanging out with insane people. What I meant was there was no structure, no effort, no weight training routine, no stretching...I planned to have some of it, but bottom line is, I was on vacation, and there was no way I was going to spoil it with trying to squeeze in push ups into a day in a room where I can hardly walk around our bed, or forgo a Majito (my new favorite drink!) - even if I only had it twice during all stay. I did adhere pretty well to the diet plan - for all of 5 days, and the second half was as close as I could get, with occasional rice dish (cooking meals from supermarket's packages is different then from scratch after visiting local veggie market store) or a Larabar. I even had a burrito, for which I paid the price of a huge belly (gluten!). Still, I managed to stay right around where I left off. But the weight workouts were hard when I came back! Sore and sore again. I also got on a track on Thursday - just to see where I am. This was my first real run test. We did the hiking, and while we ran some downhills in San Juans, there were here and there and rather effortless. Also, my stress fracture pain bothered me for the first few days, but then was gone (like, I would stop!), but the anterior tibialis tendinitis did hurt - and still does (funny how my tendon's injury linger longer than my bone's ailments). Also, while on Bear Creek trail, I kicked a rock into my right ankle bone, what produced a small hole and a large bruise - and that spot hurts still too. Anyhow, the track was a pure misery, and the times (I did 400's) were where I started this year, not where I finished. With Rim to Rim to Rim planned for October 22, I needed to do some running here. I went for a 10M trail loop this Sunday. At the worst part of the day where humidity (highest in early hours of the morning) meet the heat (worse as the day progresses) - 9 am. All I wanted was a continuing forward motion. I tried to run as much as I could, and more (albeit I walked the steeper longer hills, not that they can be compared to REAL hills), I felt aches in every muscle (from weight training) and ligament (from yoga), and the last couple of miles felt like the finishing part of a 100 miler. Man, I might be in great shape, but I am in a horrible shape for running! Time to revise the plan and add some maintenance...

Speaking of yoga, I've been back to faithful. My Bikarm studio is the best. I spoke to Amy, one of my favorite teachers at Yogagroove, about this and that, and she asked me to write down my path to the practise - and here is what I intend to send to them.

After gaining 40 lbs with the birth of my second child and shedding all of it and some more with gym visits, weight room, some 20 min cardio machines, exercise classes and such, I went and joined Martial Arts studio. Things were going great, although this being a full-contact style Kajukenbo, we got thrown onto the ground a few too many times. After attending one of the competitions, I returned with 2 herniated disks in my lower spine. The pain was growing worse. In October 2000 I quit the studio, and could barely bend over. My (then) husband had to help me put on and tie my shoes, I was in tears getting in and out of the car...PT, chiropractor, massage, spine injections...I was eventually scheduled for a surgery. Someone, in a meantime, recommended to try Bikram yoga. I had some regular Hatha yoga experience, so I went and stopped by Greenwich, CT, studio. Everything was weird, different. Nobody paid attention to me, and I was sweating. However, being type A personality, I loved the workload! So, I seeked a closer studio (I lived in The Bronx at the time) and found a newly opened Yoga-Spa studio in Westchester county. They practiced strictly Bikram, but at the time were not franchised yet. They were offering a great deal of discount for a longer stretch, but I told them I had a back surgery scheduled. They asked me to give them 3 months. I took my chances. 3 months later (only going 2-3 times a week) I was feeling much better and beginning to run around the block. In 5 months I ran my first 5k race and got hooked to this sport. But I never gave up my Bikram practice. I was coming, I was serious, and I was progressing, both in getting better, and getting healed. 3 years later, I had been running ultras, and practically pain free. Granted, it was a long haul, but eventually the disks got pushed back, the spine stretched out and gotten stronger, my back pain disappeared for good, and I never had to get a metal rode inside my body. I also never stopped coming to classes. In fact, by 2002 I was offered a teaching position at the studio, which I gladly accepted (no, I wasn't Bikram certified, but I did take a few weekends with his seminars, and YogaFit certification). I was teaching (or, leading classes, if you will) for over 18 months, until the day we packed the car and left for Portland, OR.

And that's my story. Now, 11 years later, I can say I am forever indebted to Bikram yoga, and I absolutely love it. I love the heat and humidity of the class setting (all 104F of it), love the fact the postures are same 26, even that the monologue had been and will always be the same. It gives me time to zone out - and tune in. To learn something new every time, despite years and hundreds of classes. It pushes me. I had a rather extended break when my running was high in miles (about 4 years of very few classes), and it shows. I am far away from where I was - and surely from where I can be, not to mention where the real yoga practitioners are. But I am coming to my classes, with an open mind, one day at a time.

Favorite shots and memories.

2011-07-13T15:26:00.007-05:00

From Austin, TX at 100 feet to the top of
Kendal Mtn. at 13,000 in one day. Awesome!

Columbine lake trail - a gorgeous view and a joint
decision making. Together, we are a team.

Sweeping the course marking - wading into Green Mountains.

Having met the storm at the top of a couple 13,000 feet peaks, with metal rods
in hands, we spent few times squating and being "small" while waiting for hail
thunder and lightening to pass. Runners on the course had done it
many more times, and for much longer periods...

Favorite gear - Drymax socks and La Sportiva Crosslites shoes.

The skies were angry that weekend...

Larry is making his way up the dangerous section
of Lajunta trail.

Near the top of Bonita peak, feeling at the top of the world
yet rather small and insignificant.

A great representation of the Bear Creek trail leading to Ouray.
3,000 feet drops and some footing that requires attention.

Bestest girl Beth Hall and I spent some quality time together,
what we both needed so much.
Too bad we live a whole width of the country apart.

Top of one of the peaks of Anvil Mountains - we had grand time together.

Love the combination of snow-covered mountains and high sun that brings heat down.

Hematite lake. Life is a celebration.
            The worries back home become not so serious when you think
         that each of us is but a speck of dust in this large Universe.
          We get born, we live, we die. This place stays unchanged...

And if you really want it, you can live YOUR life in any place,
under any circumstances:)

San Juans

2011-07-11T16:56:00.001-05:00

I don't have enough words to describe 10 days Larry and I lived through in San Juans...and I don't think I need to. Although pictures don't do the justice to this magnificent place, they are still better than words.

This is the idea of a vacation many would agree is The Best. Having not gotten into Hardrock 100, we still didn't want to miss on being where the heart belongs to - the place, the race, the people. So, we spent a week hiking many a trails out of Silverton area (those that are NOT part of the race, to explore, to see, to love). The weather on day 3 (July 3rd) turned to the "interesting" with monsoon season moving in much earlier this year. The thunderstorms and lightening were chasing everyone down soon after noon for the rest of the day. This trend continued for the race weekend as well, even worse, following the runners as they made their way on the course. There was no relief, and many were caught at the top of the peaks, above 13,000 feet, soaked wet and in danger of been struck by lightening. Couple that with late snow this year and wet (more than usual) course conditions, the Hardrock claimed runners. Out of 140 starters 80 finished. They are my heroes...

We swept (picked up marking) from start to Maggies (mile 15~), and next day dismounted a new section that wasn't used. The thoughts went between "I am glad I am not in this year" to "I NEED to be here, and I WANT to be tested". It is not you against mountains, and not even you against the clock. It is you - and you. Some days you win. Some days you take a step back. This is life.
There is no better place to figure it out.

To all who was there - my heartfelt hugs.

I miss this place already.
Is it July 2012 yet?

PHOTOS

3 weeks in.

2011-06-28T11:56:00.004-05:00

Time flies. Past weekend marked 3 weeks since OD 100, 3 weeks since last run, and 3 weeks into trying to build a different body structure. It was also a WS100 weekend, and I spent 6 times on that course - 3 finishes, 1 camp, 1 crewing and 1 spectating. While I can live without getting into the lottery (anymore), I am still thrilled every year when this race comes up. Yes, there are more beautiful courses, more difficult races and simply better places, but you can't take away the history and the hype. So, Larry and I spent numerous moments checking into our computer (between other things we had done that weekend, of course) to follow front runners, some friends, and general excitement. In the end I summed up my moments of zen as follows:
- AJW finishing top 10 for 7th time in a row! Man rocks!
- top 10 men being so freakin' close to each other, in fact, top 15!
- top 10 women being even crazier! The incident with a bear, Kami and Nikki finishing practically together, while displaying a real competitiveness and sportsmanship at the same time
- Meghan A. crashing the 50+ record and getting top 10, yet again!
- Bryon Powell of irunfar.com fame - what a sandbagger and a waffler! For a good stretch of 8 months he was trying to decide whether or not he is running it, and he had a PR! Thanks to Meghan for Twitting too!
- Scotty Mills (a SD100 RD), a man of 60, running 22 hrs - holly cow!
- Amy Sproston and Pam Smith edging into top 10 gals - I have a soft spot for Oregonians!

So, putting nerdy stuff behind, we are moving on with our lives. Which as of last Thursday is officially childless! And I kind of like it. Now, don't you dare scold me for saying that - ever since I had my first kid at a cute age of 21, I lived abroad, with no family support, and besides going away for a race weekend, I don't have my "me" time, or "sweet couple" time for that matter, for any extended period of time. And I surely do feel I need it. So, now that's Stephen is away for 5 weeks in Oregon (3 weeks in a wilderness camp, and 2 weeks with dad), and Harrison is with his mom till mid-July, I can stop hurrying home to cook dinners, while I CAN buy only health-nut stuff at the supermarket, eat greens, exercise twice a day if I want to (imagine what shape I would have been if I could do it daily? was my question as I exited the gym on that very first childless night, for the second time that day), not feel guilty about having massage clients every night after work, sit on a couch and watch mindless show, cuddle up with my honey - and give him undivided attention. Apparently, trying to figure out who to spend those few moments I am actually not doing anything at home - Stephen or Larry - put huge mental weight on me, and the release was much needed. I love them both, but it's hard to merge families, indeed.

Huge props go to Larry last 2 weeks! The man jumped on the wagon of taking it to a high level after a month break since his last race (PCT 50 mid-May), and went full steam on! Every single thing I put on his calendar gets done! I have to say I am purely impressed. He also cut out simple sugars, mocha's, and even downsized all the other stuff I dropped a few months before! It is so much easier when both of us are on the same boat on what to eat in the house. And so much more fun to train together too!

Speaking of training, it's coming along, and I am getting adjusted to it all. I don't see any change in a "number game", a.k.a. scale - stuck at that 2 lbs below original weight - but I begin to see definition. My trainers say it is the way it's supposed to be. I am not overly concerned quite yet, I just work. It does seem to be slow for a progress, but then again, I have a long way to keep making it happen. Back to Bikram yoga too, and it had been such a great experience with every class! I feel stronger in postures, and wonder if the weight training helps, and if no serious running makes me less stiff.

Speaking of running - I ran! Yes, I did! On Sunday we went to River Place trail, a.k.a. Staircase I wrote before about, the best, most beautiful, most difficult trail in Austin I am sad to have not discovered last year. What a bear! Larry was to run, and I planned to powerhike. But earlier that week I tried a little shuffle on a treadmill, 10 minutes, and on Saturday I tried some more on a road loop after my weight training, so as we set out, I gingerly jogged a bit, only flats at first, then picked it up some, and after turn-around went full-out eyeballs screaming - the only thing I did was made sure I place weight on the left leg on the downhills, kind of lightly hopping off right. And I was flying! At least it felt like it, and the exhilaration was above and beyond what I had expected. Apparently, I missed running. Apparently, I love trail running. Apparently, I am back.

Just in time. This Friday we are off to Hardrock 100 camp! Marking, playing in high mountains, sweeping first 15M on race day, crewing and potentially pacing a bit, if it works out. My sweetie ordered me a Hoka so I can protect my fragile bones - I will give full report and surely hope it will help me hold those bones together, because there is no way I am sitting this one out!

p.s. June 30th - was measured up today. 14.7%, baby! 5% in 5 weeks! Feels much better now, otherwise was loosing focus:)
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity; they seem more afraid of life than of death.
James F. Byrnes

You can't keep me in!

2011-06-18T16:00:00.003-05:00

So, my boot got a use of all of 2 days. May be 3. It's in the corner of the closet now, punished for bad behaviour. I tape my leg up - and off I go. While in boot, I felt for all the people who have disability, any kind of it (including obesity). I mean, what kind of life is that? You can't move around where you want to, you can't catch a bus and have to wait for next 20 min in the heat, you can't jump off to pick up the phone...sucks! From Wed first week back I got on stationary bike, 20-30 min a pop. Now, we do have normal bikes, but roads - and trails - are safer without me on them. I can ride straight and up. No downhill, no sharp turns, no stops. Basically, no biking. This is what you get when your parents never buy a bike to a kid, and you learn to pedal at a tender age of I don't remember what. So, stationary...by second week I was ready to kill somebody or be killed. Added on 10 minutes stairmaster and elliptical here and there. tried treadmilling walk (as prescribed by the program for my project anyway, 4% incline, 4 mph) - apparently, this hurts, and more so than bone is the tendon of tibialis anterior. Yoga is strained too - can't flex my foot either direction freely and without pain. But life has gotten better. Who wants to talk about pain? It is practically non-existent! I mean, learn to put mental blocks, people! If you pretend it's not there, then it's not! I mean, unless you are Tony K. with torn apart knee, or Gary R. with re-fracture of foot away. Then, I agree, you better behave and be a good lil' boy. But me? I got nothin'!

By past Friday, just under 2 weeks of this non-sense, I entered severe and out-of-nowhere depression, snarled at Larry and the kids, almost quit my job and - screw it all! - walked home from work yesterday. 6 miles of it. In an hour and half. Not bad, slower than normal, but I'll take it. It was 105F and some, direct son, hot asphalt, crazy cars - and I was smiling! I was born to be outside! I mean, weight training 6 times a week to the point I can't lift my arms to drive home is all nice and stuff, but I can NOT live without moving repetitively and methodically OUTSIDE! So, there, I said it. I am going for a trail hike tomorrow. It's my Father's day gift to me:) If I managed to dream on about my next 3 races to squeeze before the year ends, tomorrow, I am sure, I'll come up with the idea on the rest of next season, a.k.a. year 2012, full steam. That means, break is over, 2 weeks - and I am done. Time to focus.

But for the time now the focus is on weights and diet. Training is going well. Different. I thought I know gym. Apparently, I don't have enough shoulders for the Body Figure thing. Common, where would I get them from, I am narrow on top (and pretty darn wide on the bottom)! It's not the muscle I am missing, but the width? So? We are growing the shoulders. They hurt. Along with them my triceps, delts and traps. Or, and we need to loose about 5% body fat, and all of it from my abdomen. I know I have muscle somewhere deep there, if you dig in. So, we're digging. Differently than I used to. That hurts too. But I can take my shirt off at the gym and not be bashful anymore - and that's on 10 days. The diet part is not bad. I kind of cut the grains anyway for the most part since winter, aside from occasional spoon of brown rice and a starchy potato or yam. What was hard was to eliminate fruits! I mean, fruits are good, right, you reach out for fruits as a healthy snack? Not anymore. I miss my apple, my mango, my orange and my grapefruit...1/2 cup of berries is my allowance. It's ok, all you have to do is just tell yourself:) The shock to the body was so silly, I lost 6 lbs (of water, don't freak out) in 4 days - and that is after I lost 7 pounds that I gained after the race. So, my body got completely dehydrated a mere one week after a 100M effort, and my heart rate shot up. I couldn't get off couch without getting out of breath. So, we re-visited the food intake, figured my metabolism is different from those other folks who hire CPT, and I put 4 round pounds back. I still can see some re-composition of the body though, so I guess the work is happening. Now, does anyone has an extra pair of high heels and a sparkling bathing suit?!

Larry is back to training, and I almost hate him too. He is complaining how bad it is to run outside these days. I feel for him - NOT! He gets to run outside! Just a few more weeks, like, may be 2 or 3, and all bets are off. In fact, when we go to Hardrock camp on July 1st, we are hiking, marking the course, and yes, very possibly pacing too - so I better heal. No questions allowed on that front.

Life has been nuts. Every night is something. Sadly, my "real job" is staled, nothing is working, and my next presentation is August 11th. Like, can I even grow a cell or clone a DNA in this short time, yet along make it in some direction that is expected? So, I am stressed. My "other vocation" is blooming and booming, without my participation (well, so to speak, I do have something to do with it, you know, hands on and stuff). I thought I'd take summer easy, didn't run any promo - and I keep getting booked. I was out every night past week (ok, once I was visiting my girlfriend). I'll be out 3 nights next week (plus taking Stephen to the airport, plus going to the dude who keeps our finances in order). Love 'em, my folks! I may be tired, but I get set up, put my hands on the body - and I heal along with each of them...I had 3 clients before lunch just today - and that was after I had an hour with personal trainer and an hour on cardio torture machine. When is life going to happen? Oh, wait, this IS my life:) I cried myself to sleep last night, telling Larry I want to marry a millionaire and never have to lift my finger again. He said I'd be bored in about a day and half - if I can handle it that long. He is probably right. I feel all better today:)

We managed to get our butts to the ocean and burn our skin for a few hours (we snatched an umbrella for free, yay, and thank God!). I even went to the water, twice, and played with waves, and swam - and I am completely indifferent to water! So, all was good, and I was probably desperate for a real movement, not exercise-machine-induced. Kids loved it, and after all, that's why we did it. So, sometimes we are good parents. Or pretend to be:)

The only thing more important than being good is being real. Authenticity is kinder than resignation without conviction. Truth leads to good faster than good leads to truth. Ultimately truth is good, but you have to live it from the inside out.Alan Cohen
Stop the mindless wishing that things would be different. Rather than wasting time and emotional and spiritual energy in explaining why we don't have what we want, we can start to pursue other ways to get it.
Greg Anderson

Short update and thanks.

2011-06-08T19:39:00.004-05:00

I'd like to thank everyone for the kind words. I am blessed to have friends - you, guys, had replaced me family. I would also like to say I am no hero, and not even all that stupid. I simply didn't know. When I do (like at Angeles Crest 100 in 2008), I actually stop. So, I don't deserve praise. It just happened to be one of those days.

The doctor-radiologist read the images (before it was an MRI technician) and called in today. The hairline fracture is about 2 cm (less than 1 inch), on the anterial (front)/medial side of lower part of tibia (about 1 cm above distal end). There is also some soft tissue trauma, hematoma and tendinitis. None of those are huge issues (unless you run downhill on asphalt, of course:)).
I had dealt with stress fractures many times. I had 3 of those in tibia (first at Brooklyn half-marathon in 2003, then before first WS in 2004, and one in 2006), 2 in fibula, 1 metatarsal, 1 femur neck and 1 tail bone. I know how to treat it, how long it takes, what to do and not to do (and it is not nearly as bad as doctors say). In my case it means 2 weeks off running (it kind of hurt when I walked a mile, but other than that, during bending, and when pressing, and I do have a slight limp, but not all the time, go figure). These couple of weeks will be non-impact activities - stationary bike and no squats:) Then I add elliptical and later - stairmaster. In a month I can start going on trail runs, short and slow. And since it is over 100F, and my summer project involves cardio at HR around 135, I am all good to go. If it's ever a good timing - this is it.

I am still proud of my run at OD 100, and not for the fact I "gritted", rather for the fact I ran it smart, took good care of myself, and felt strong. Never had a sleeping moment (may be pain did have something to do with it:)), was on cue with salt, first time didn't even ask for soup (they did cook it, I just wasn't going to stop at AS long enough to be served). The weirdest thing is that I have no muscle pain in my legs. If you think about it, DOMS is produced by eccentric contraction, which is the one that causes muscle fiber breaking/damage. Since I wasn't running downhills (not in a good sense of word of it), I had no consequences. Not that I advocate to not run down - it makes you loose quite some time, especially if you are, like I am, a natural downhiller.

Looking back, I really don't hate the experience at all. The weather was awesome, the hills were lovely, I remember thinking "wow, it just rolls all together, the miles, the hills up and down, the snake of a road, the music, the aid stations, life..."I had great attitude. Despite the fact that I am in love with a single track, I didn't resent doing this run.

It was also a very interesting experiment for me to come to a 100M race with such a low weekly training mileage. Only weeks I had a 50M race managed to reach 60 mpw. My official "long run" was 2 weeks before a marathon on January 30th (24M, on roads, by the way). Between 50M races I haven't done more than 15 (wait, twice it was 18). I did a lot of weight lifting - not much more than usual, but more targeted (I don't know how to explain this part). I am also back to yoga more or less consistently after a good 5 years break, and back in my "golden days" I did yoga, like, 7 times a week (between taking classes and teaching classes). So, I am a strong believer in Bikram and overall health. I am also, finally, at a lower weight, and on a somewhat consistent basis too (like, not a week on, week off, but for the last almost 4 months steady). And, I just started to supplement for my low thyroid function.

All in all, good season behind. Sometimes life is overwhelming, physically, mentally, time-wise and emotionally. We all have things on our plates, and deal with it. I want to tell you, it is all possible. Prioritize, then focus, and just simply do it. Don't overthink. Plow through:)

I had decided I will have to extend my rpoject by 1 month. Not cancel, mind you, and not postpone, but take a bit longer. First of, hard to jump into it full steam when cardio and leg weights are not an option full throttle. Secondly, I am competitive - with myself - and I want to be my best. If I know I am half-ass prepared, I am mad, no matter results. So, I want to give this weird thing an honest shot, all out. So, all is good, and I am ready.

It is going to be a beautiful summer for all! And a heartfelt thank you again!

Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.
Earl Nightingale

I OD'ed, alright, enough is enough

2011-06-07T08:05:00.030-05:00

I am behind and I am tired and I am busy, but I'll try my best to have a few words about Old Dominion 100M run in VA. You can gather information on their website, but to say the important thing, it is the second oldest 100 miler in the country, in it's 33rd year of running. It came about as a follow-up of Western States 100 and has the same beginning as a horse race. The challenge the RD's put out was to not only finish a 100 mile trek, but to do it in one day, under 24 hrs. The organizers are not runners - it is a family in it's 3rd generation right now (well, 2nd, but the youngsters are already in it), and the aid stations, as well as most volunteers are not runners either - just local family who have houses on properties through which the run goes, and they set tables out (very often and very much appreciated, I must add) with water, coke and a few small items. I liked how simple it all was. I only ask for water and ice at the race anyway, because I go on gels, and only on Power Gels, so I never rely on AS for anything else. The price was absolutely right too - $135, I believe it is the cheapest 100 besides Cactus Rose and Rocky. Can't beat that. To stress one more point, as I said above, the run has to be completed sub-24 hrs, and while they extended the finish time to 28 hrs at some point (not sure when), the buckle goes only to those who make it in 1 day. And now I know even more - what a sweet buckle that is! It is a real silver buckle, just like WS provides to sub-24 finishers, and to my knowledge it's the only second 100 to do that. I might be wrong, please correct me (Tahoe?). All this said, there are a handful of things I also knew. The race fell off the Earth (a.k.a. competitive running) somewhere around 2001 due to 9/11, and the OD Memorial came to replace (and Vermont started a few years earlier too), and due to various reasons I have no clue about the participation was down to a dozen of finishers some years. Now that we have 100M races popping like blisters on our feet during a long haul, some do have shortage of runners. I kind of felt responsible to bring attention back to "old and true" (nothing wrong with new stuff). And, it fell well into my wounding-down the season. It listed about 14,000 feet of elevation gain (plus same for loss) and I think it is about 80% done on either rural country asphalt roads or gravel roads. The hills are nice, rolling, through beautiful area East Coast style, reminded me of my days living in NYC and hiking/backpacking Upstate NY (my true background to taking this trail ultrarunning thing), and it was lovely. The smells of blooming tress and flowers were overwhelmingly awesome. The hospitality of volunteers was unmatched - they learned your name and as they moved their help around (or simply you moved in circles around their AS's), you've been called up on very personally.

Now, because the event is put on by regular folks, names of runners are unknown to volunteers (besides "repeat offenders"). It was cute to be asked at the sing in if I ever run a trail, ever donw a night run, and have an idea what to eat when I do this thing. I just smiled. You also don't know who else is in the race until you show up - and get a print out of participants. Only 7 female were listed this year, but the total was the biggest in a decade, 70 runners. I came with a goal of 22 hrs and, obvioulsy, a belt buckle. I knew only a handful of folks - and I mean a handful: Keith Knippling, Greg Loomis, Dan Brendan, Bedford Boyce and Levy Rizk. Levy and I scouted the first/last 7 miles the day before the race and were glad we did.

Usually the weather plays a huge negative role at OD100, but we lucked out so much, I have no words. Some did complain on the heat, but for this newly-Texan, 80's and humidity way below 50% felt a paradise. The race starts at 4 am, but it goes through the town of Woodstock for 3 miles and then ventures on a road up, so lights are not necessary at all. Then the grey starts coming up. The field spread out some, but still kept close. After 7 mile AS you hit long steep-ish downhill and make a loop on half-trail and half-road for Boyer. Besides this little thing (about 2M on trails) first 32M are all road-run. I wore my old road shoes, to get rid of them was about time (2 years old?). Actually, come to think about it, the whole thing can be easily done in road shoes, in fact, trail shoes are contra-indicated. I was smack on time on my predicted splits, and despite running roads, was extremely happy. I felt awesome, I didn't breathe any hard at any point, I was hydrating and eating gels on cue, I ditched my old shirt (ran first marathon in it, 9 years ago) at AS and was running in bra for cooling effect (Texas teaching), and I was listening to my music. Talked to an "Alabama" guy (who happened to be Dink Taylor) just past mile 25, I think, told him how I always happen to have some serious thing happen to me in the last 20 miles or so (like, rolled both ankles at RR, broke tail bone at Cactus, explosive pooping at WS..). What an idiot, jinxed myself! Was passed a few minutes before 20M AS by a woman, and learned from volunteers we are 1-2. She worked hard to pull away. I could care less, besides, it was mile 20, for God's sake, who races that early! Had some stomach loose, visited woods couple of times, hit Immodium, was ok after.

mile 28

Mile 36?

Came to mile 32 spot on, changed into my Fireblades (trail shoes), re-supplied and took off, happy camper. Passed a few guys, was told Linda (that turned out to be woman's name) was 5 minutes on me, could care less. There was a long ATV climb, and when we got to a motor-biked in AS, water was sparse to offer. But I was peeing fine and did ok to manage one bottle per person request. Kind of got a bit tired of those ATV rocks, and also started feeling weird pain in my right lower shin, right above my ankle. Thought may be it's my shoes too tight. I never had my shoes tight before, but who knows, I had no other ideas. Kept plugging away and passing a guy here and there, was a nice ridge stretch, hot and open and with a bunch of flies, but nice smelling blooms. Finally came down some road, passed Levy and entered mile 48 AS (same as 32, it was a loop) while Linda was getting tended to by her spouse (or friend). Could care less. Got ice, re-supplied, took off on a 4.5M climb on a road.

Mile 48

Mile 52-ish?

Linda caught up with me in a mile, I was rocking my best music selection, hopefully she didn't think I am a nut case. She didn't say much (I pointed to a sign to a house with wedding and proposed we should stop by there). I think she mentioned she doesn't do well in heat. I was just running my own race, and yes, I did think that I might come back to her if I still feel good, and if I don't catch her - it means she is a better runner, that's all. Besides the ridge before, that was the only open section. Everything else was in a shade, so I felt great in this regard. There was a line on the road saying "50M", and I was there at exactly 10 hrs - not even funny (at work people say it's my staple, 10hr/50M). And it was exactly when I thought I should be there. Got to the top of the hill at mile 51 - and suddenly that pain in the shin got unbearable. Had to step aside, loosen up laces (still thought it was the cause). Felt some relief (now I understand the swelling started, so yes, there was a relief). But shortly after, as the downhill started, I couldn't run from pain. My mood dampened. Took Ibuprofen. Not much help. Took Aleve. When course goes up, I am fine, strong and almost don't feel anything. As soon as we go down (and road at that) - I am in tears. Still think it's from shoe laces and simply an aggravation, like an anterior tibialis tendonitis. You don't stop for tendonitis. So I went on. By Elizabeth Furnace, mile 75, the pain is really, really bad, and I am loosing the ground on Linda (Dan's wife and Mr. "Cappuchino" were giving me an update and saw my face changed with progress of miles and regress of leg). At first I just said "It would have been nice to train more than 45 miles a week", but at 75 realize it is stupid to hide the truth. I weighed in (same exact number as at the start, good thing) and yelled out for a duct tape. The woman came in and asked "What's wrong, I am a doctor". I said "I am a doctor too, I need duct tape". The RD Ray was there and later at the finish said it sounded very funny. I don't know, I wasn't much smiling. I taped my leg and walked out. We entered a bitch of a climb, but it was only bad last mile (straight up). The whole 6M section was on an extremely rocky trail (worst Massanutten memories imaginable), but when going up, I was so full of energy and almost no pain. The other side was a completely different story. I left Elizabeth Furnace still on predicted split (how in the world?), but all hell got loose here, past the top of the climb. It was very steep and very rocky way down, and it just got dark a few minutes ago (just about 9pm, I put headlamp on), and I couldn't put any weight on my right leg without crying, screaming and remembering every mother of God (and many, many more choice of words I could come up with in English). I actually made a cane out of a stick and basically hopped down on one leg. At the bottom the un-manned AS ran out of water. Sucks for us. Another 2 miles up the road was a regular AS, but I was in pain and on a "get the F* done" mode. Just got water. Another trail section (yes, it was simply the last, 4th, trail section in the whole 100), up and over Veach Gap. Again, my climb was awesome, gave me hope, I was just so pleased of how strong I felt and how well I took care of myself. On the way down I repeated the crying and swearing - but no stick. It was a somewhat "milder" trail downhill with "fewer" rocks. We wandered more on roads after that, and I even tried to shuffle some mild mellow decline parts (besides flats), calculating and re-calculating what is possible to still come under 24 hrs. That was all I could focus on. Ran many parts with a guy Juan on his first 100 - when he finally left me at 93, he was done in 22:40. At mile 93 a nice volunteer enthusiastically told me the next 4M are almost all downhill. I knew that (repeat beginning course back) and I still almost killed him:) I tried to run (and scream and yell), then gave up and hobbled. Was way too steep. Left ball of the foot developed a mother blister due to putting all that weight and pressure on only one leg, and walking downs. At this point I had no leg that could take any pressure. Took me 1:05 to make 4 miles downhill. At last AS (which didn't have water, and I kind of wanted it) I almost quit. I was positively sure I will not be able to make last 3 miles at all, in any time. And I couldn't scream (it does provide mental release) - we were in town, and people are sleeping in their homes! So, I just walked and cried quietly. 50 minutes total. The last 3/4 mile is on a gravel horse track, a really cruel joke - you can see the finish line, but can't go straight to it. I was in so much pain, I knew even if another woman comes from behind with 2 feet to go, I will let her go. It didn't matter anymore. But - it was a guy who came up on me mid-way, and asked if I'd like to run in together. I looked up and said "Do I look like I am eager to run?". Sorry, I can be very moody like that. I walked through the finish line in 23:11:23, good for 29th overall and 2nd gal, a bit over an hour later than Linda (who ran a great, consistent and strong race). Would I have caught her? The way I felt, possibly, but nothing is a garantee in life. All things considering, I am thrilled with physical aspect of this race. Boy, I was strong. And man, was I stupid. (p.s. to my excuse, I say I rwally, truly didn't know what was causing the pain, and in a race, with adrenaline and impared decision making process, it is difficult to figure out when is the right time to stop. It just I am always afraid to be a wuss. And yes, I was also thinking about a comment I left to Bryon Powell on his WS100 "waffling", so I had to live up to it.)

The Holiday Inn across had a great lady at the counter who let us use one room for the showers. It took me all I had to get in a tub (standing was not an option). I dozed off at the hotel lobby for another hour or so. Then I had to be out (ladies boss was coming), and it was raining outside. God, I was glad I am done. Got back to start/finish, dozed off some more. Dan Brendan, the animal at 60+, finished a couple of minutes behind me. Levy did 23:50, and he only had 1:30 to break 24 with 7 miles to go (so, 1:20 for those 7, and 2 hrs for me). The boy is tough! Also, shows what I lost...oh, well. Below is a synopsis from the VA Happy Trail runners:

The 33rd Old Dominion 100 was an epic year with great weather, a packed field, and fantastic volunteer support. Neal Gorman won in 16:16.47, Linda Gaudette was first woman in 22:03.22. Of 68 runners from 15 states, 54% were awarded the silver, sub-24 hour buckle. 72% finished under 28 hours. Neal, Eric Grossman, and Jeremy Pade lost 25 mins due to missing course markings heading into Elizabeth Furnace. Karsten Brown was second in 17:20, Eric third in 17:40, Jeremy fourth in 18:10, followed by David Ploskonka in 19:14 and Keith Knipling in 19:25. Sean Andrish finished near 22 hrs. Many other VHTRCers finished the challenging course. Bobby Gill photos.

OD100 website.

I'll add photos from Bobby when get to work to spice up my boring recap.

The travel was horrific. The pain was getting worse, the swelling, hotness and redness on my leg, couldn't walk...the airport people are the best, wheeled me around, put me up with no folks so I can elevate my leg, people giving me Ibuprofen (I ate all of mine), flight attendants giving me bags of ice, the first pilot announcing I am a "bad ass" ("and I might get in trouble for saying it, but I have no other words"). I had to keep apologizing that not all 100's end up like that, it is really not a bad thing to do. I don't think they believed me much, I did a poor job explaining we are normal...well, kind of...I was also scared by then. I have had about 7 stress fractures in my life, but none hurt like that. So, I was afraid it's more. I hobbled to a doc for x-ray Monday morning (I don't do doctors unless it is crucial, I am a doctor, remember?) - no bad fracture. Got to MRI (they had a paid cab service, yay!) - and yes, indeed, a stress fracture in my lower tibia. Sucks to be me.

It is better today, though. I think it hurt so much because I ran so long on it after it happened. Previously, I actually had it at points when doing another 60-some miles wasn't on agenda. So, everything inflamed more. But my super-strong bones held on (I know they are super, I had bone density scan in 2008, it is way above normal). Thank God for my bones. Went to my personal trainer today - you know, I paid the due...thought we'd just talk...we did upper body, so no break for me, and I have to be on a bike tomorrow. Stationary. I can manage that, for couple weeks. then - TM at HR 135, ha.

Bottom line? As an event, it is awesomely organized, very pretty and really historically important - both for American history and for ultrarunning history. For me, personally, roads just don't do it. Nor super-rocky trails where running is imapred (at least somewhat). I like to glide mindlessly. I am still glad I checked this run off my list, and I still recommend it. Don't pay attention to my report, it is subduded because of pain. You can run a great PR on the course, if you will take good care of yourself. I am thrilled to have done just that - take awesome care of myself, the whole day long, even as the pain become excruciating, I never lost sight of my hydration and fueling. Body-wise, I felt great. Like, better than many other 100's by a long shot. And that's with 45 mpw. Speaks volume of wisdom: patience, pacing, taking care of yourself, and experience, along with weight workouts (yes, those helped). My muscles are not sore. And while I was fitted for a boot to not have me walk around much, if you know me, I ain't wearing this crap (I did walk out in it from a doctor's office, what a joke!). I will, though, keep my leg wrapped, elevated, iced and not run on. It's an off-season time. Lets the other challenges begin.

A dream you can almost live in...

2011-05-31T13:50:00.000-05:00

June 1st, 2019.

5 am. I wake up and slowly get out of bed in our little house only 3 blocks from a little downtown. The light is already drawing – sunrise comes early in this part of the map. I look out the window and inhale the view. I see mountains peaks covered in green trees, with a bit of snow here and there. I smile. One cup of coffee later I am all set to get out on a local trail, that will lead me to my long run’s route – the Humphreys loop, the favorite, just north of our new home, Flagstaff, AZ…

March 23rd, 2011.

5 am. It’s dark outside, on the street of Austin, but I like beginning my road runs during a week in the dark. As I am sipping my morning cup of coffee, I browse my favorite blogs, when I come to Ian's new post. It suddenly hits me. This is it.

Hi, Ian!

I gotta say, it just hit me one morning that Flagstaff might be just the place to move in a few years! Larry and I, while here in Austin due to family reasons, are really looking forward to getting out! And we looked, and planned, and talked, and picked...and then it was a light bulb: Flagstaff is a small town, yet young (not retired) community, has mountains nearby, as well as desert, easy access to any other states we love to visit, National Parks, has big trees (my demand) and lower humidity, 4 seasons with leaf changing and snow falling, and yet nice hot summer, and your photos are just awesome!

Anyhow, just like that, after reading your post and commenting, I bought tickets for Memorial Day and we are coming to explore.

We truly did lots of search and research where we would like to go for our “early retirement” plan. Not retire, really, but move into a small mountain town once kids are out of the house, and change jobs to much less demanding, more of a soul-inspiring. We wandered about Park City, Albuquerque, Bend…it was all nice, but just somehow didn’t strike a nerve. That morning changed that. It was sudden and strong. Larry woke up, and I announced – I found a place. He looked at me – How come we didn’t think of it before? – and agreed wholeheartedly right away. The tickets were booked that very day.

May 27th, 2011.

We were supposed to have an early flight, and a tight connection, but our plane got seriously delayed. We dreamt about this trip for two months, and with Memorial Day overbooked travel the fear rose. I stood in line quietly. The woman behind the counter looked at me, smiled and said: “Next flight is only an hour later. You gonna love your new seats.” We flew first class. We picked up our car – which was reserved as a smallest yet exchanged for free as a good size power-everything. We drove next 2 hrs in anticipation. We arrived into a downtown, bought a trail map and set at a neat little coffee shop. It was heaven; it was love from first sight…

Ian, just checked in to Hilton for 1 night before the mountain wandering. The downtown is the loveliest place on Earth! I don't want to leave already!!! How in the world did you keep it secret before? :)

April 1st, 2011.

Ian,

We'd like to do a 2.5 day backpacking with about 10 miles a day circle, and Larry thinks Kachina Peaks Wilderness is the way to go about it. Something like Katchina trail, Humphreys, Bear Jaw, Inner Basin and near-by peaks. In your opinion, can you tell me how is the weather in that region/altitude at that time, is there water sources, and are there maps available better than a hand-drawn one we found.

Olga,

Definite potable water sources will be at the Snow Bowl and at the Lockett Meadow Campground and a spigot at the Waterline Trail and Inner Basin Trail junction. Other than that you may find seeps and snow melt streams up there that time of year...but these are very dry mountains...no water unless some of the cattle tanks are full, like Shultz Tank and Dry Hills Tanks. Snow is melting fast here right now.

Yup, I think you'll love Flaggy!

May 28th, 2011.

It does get light damn early, and especially since we are 2 hrs behind in time zone, we are restless long before we need to leave. We picked a 20 mile loop with no specific destination at which point we’d camp out, so there is no hurry. I mean, it’s a 20 mile loop (or so), how bad can it be, even with backpacks? We finally pack, head out for a breakfast and make our way to a trailhead. We decided to start at the Schultz tank, connect to Kachina trail, get up to Snow bowl ski area, pick a trail to Humphreys peak, highest in AZ standing at 12,633. That would be about 12 miles (or about, may be a tad more). There is no camping allowed above tree line, which is designated at 11,400, so we’ll have to break the tent either before Humphreys or after. We’re figuring, so much time in our hands, definitely after. We start slow. Man, it is beautiful!

There is no hurry in our steps, and we take tons of photographs, with two cameras between us. The air is dry, the temperatures are in 60’s, the sun is bright, and it is the most wonderful place on Earth. We couldn’t be happier. With a spring in our steps, we contemplate. This is what life is about. Really, running is not what either one of us loves the most. It’s been outdoors. In the mountains. Far away from boring high-speed life. It’s when the only care is how to put the foot down. When to drink. Where to look and gasp. I don’t care where I run, walk, crawl, ski, snowshoe, hike, whatever, as long as it’s out there. Running simply gives us a tool to see more land in shorter time, and to explore more.

This place has everything I ever dreamt about. The fur trees and pine trees, the aspen that look almost like my home-grown birch trees, high peaks on a horizon, vast valleys, and a narrow single-track. We meet great people, and we stop and chat with all of them. They are awesome, those people who make their way to the trails. You won’t see many of those in your regular life, in the city. The smile can’t be wiped off our faces. We make it to a ski area and refill our water bottles.

The trail picks up elevation rather quickly here and gets more difficult. There are many trees blown down, and we see snow, which begins to cover more and more ground in longer stretches. But this trail is heavily traveled, and there are footsteps through and no loosing direction. We get a bit more tired, and while I keep speeding up, the wind picks up above the tree line, and we need to put some clothes on, and to take deeper breaths. Eventually, we can see the last pitch, the saddle between Humphreys and Agassiz, and we make it, fighting hard to not get blown away. I wish the pictures could relate just how windy it was – steady 50-60 mph with gusts up to 90 mph, true hurricane force. We had to spread our legs, bow low and stop dead in our tracks way too many times. After short consideration and looking at the watch (4 pm), we make a decision to not scale the Humphreys peak itself (a mile out-n-back) and continue on the other side.

Right. But where is the trail? While Larry stares at the map, I a faint rocky path around nearby mountain and, trying to balance on my feet, scout it – seems to be the right way. We get into next saddle – and there is nothing but the snow and a long steep drop down. Now what? Map shows we have to go across (thank God Larry can read maps!), and I make my way across the first short snow field. Yep, I can see the trail over there! We just need to be careful, plant our feet into the crust – and we’ll be snow free and on a downhill!

The wind picks up even more, but we make it, and start our way on long dry switchbacks, begging for a tree cover. Temperature outside is dropping down, so is my core’s, and I am getting frightened. I have a low thyroid function, and once hypothermic, I fade quickly and have a difficult time to recover – not only physically, but brain-function as well. I feel getting fuzzy. More clothes, quickly, and a doze of sugary snack! While I am trying to walk fast, our luck runs out even faster – and the dry trail ends in a snow, again. We can still see where to go and make our way, but the snow is getting deeper, wetter, and the path disappears at times.

And then it’s gone. We are in the woods, finally, for now anyway, and there is not a single trail marker or any other identification of where we have to go. A slight panic sets in. I don’t feel my feet and get a sock change. Larry looks at the map and makes a decision to cross-country down the snow between the trees across “potential” switchbacks in hopes to run into next trail intersection. We move fast. And – oh, joy! – we see a trail post. Saved?

The excitement was short lived. Wa-a-y short lived it was. From there on, we are on the open side of the mountain, wind blows like hell, snow waist deep, and not s single idea where the trail is. We can hardly make out the mountains and align them with what the map says, and have a general idea of a direction. 2 more miles. It is only 2 more miles to the saddle. The daylight is running out on us. I make the first step into the snow…

It is hard work, post-holing like that. I have to make sure the step is firm and deep, so Larry wouldn’t slide down (he is heavier, and so is his pack). We still slip often, and grab any tree we can find. Thankfully, the slope ends in a valley, and it’s nothing like an abyss, so I try not to look down and go. Occasionally, I hear Larry swearing behind in frustration. One more step. Another dry piece, and we are actually on trail? Larry celebrates…we take a turn around the bend…and there is no end of next snow – as long as you can see. It’s a sea. It’s steeper here. And it’s 7 pm. Holly shit.

No time, there is no time to gripe. There is only one way – forward. We can’t stop here, in the snow, on the slope, in the wind. We have to make to a dry place. Focus, honey. Block every other thought, every pain, and focus. See that saddle? This is where we should be at some point. We walk. We crawl. It’s cold. It’s never ending. I just hope to God we are somewhere near the right trail…

And just when the hope was about to abandon and I was to propose to break a tent right where we are – there it was, a saddle, dry, with gusty winds, but safe. With crooked fingers we set the tent on the snow, got inside – and the dark fell. Exhausted, we lay still, listening to a hauling wind. We are so tired and cold, we can’t even eat. We are seriously dehydrated, but afraid to drink so to not have to get out into that bitter windy cold night for a pee. The headache is splitting. We are both shivering. And the muscles ache as if we just ran a 100M race…

There wasn’t much sleep that night. Neither one of us could get comfortable, and the wind was so loud and so strong, I was positive we’ll be known in a history as new Dorothy. I have no clue how the tent held on, but eventually the sun rose, and while the wind never died, we crawled outside, packed our belongings and somberly took on the last part – last some 6 miles downhill back to the car.

The trip down was rather uneventful. It was a very slow and boring grade – and we were quite out of any adrenaline. There was an insane amount of blown in trees, and then trail turned into rocky a’la Zane Grey 50, and we knew we are close. When I saw a car, I thought I couldn’t make another step. Just like crossing a finish line in a long mountain race, everything just gives – and that was it.

May 29th, 2011.

Ian,

Well, I have to say...we almost died on the backside between Humphreys peak and that saddle (Duval?) before last drop to Schultz tank on Weather-something trail. All snow. No trail markings. Took us 4 hrs to make 4 miles on waist-deep snow navigating a slight idea where to go, breaking snow, trying not to slide all the way down - and not freeze to death. What an experience...for a lifetime. I believe we were first this season the make that loop (from Schultz to ski area to Humphrey to saddle and back). The winds were steady at 50 mph with gusts up to 90. I was surprised tent held on the saddle open. My God. But was it beautiful...yes, we are in love with your little town:) Thanks for bringing us to it!

Olga,

I thought about you guys and the weather up there! And you went through with it...wow! This winter won't let go.

Doyle Saddle and the Weatherford Trail...gonna have to learn it if you're thinking of returning.

Once down and all cleaned up at a hotel, lunch and dinner later, a short couple of miles walk on in-town trail system, we are contemplating on our adventure. We would have never gone that way had we known what’s in store. That wasn’t very smart at all. We were first people this season to make this loop. But once done – it was a memory to cherish. How we worked as a team. How tough we are. How we didn’t give up. How brutal nature can be. And how amazingly beautiful it still is.

As for next trip to our dream – come back in October to read about it. I am buying tickets as we speak.

May 31st, 2011.

Eman, it is awesome, I am in love with this place!

8 more years, Olga, soon…

Time's up.

2011-05-23T16:02:00.000-05:00

Recovery must be short, as even though last race seemed to have been a culmination of my season (I still can not believe how awesome I felt the whole way!), I got one more before I "retire" for the summer. Old Dominion 100M. The second oldest in the country. The one that almost seized, yet was held despite lack of runners for years, and now, it happened to be, I am not the only one choosing to give it attention it deserves. Neil Gorman posted a blurb about exciting (by the measures of this race) competition coming over to VA, and just like that, we all hope to spread the word: OD is alive and kicking, come and OD with us! Registrations are still accepted!

I took 2 days off, and was back on Wed, with a couple of trail runs on the weekend (one with the Sunday group, lotsa fun!). I also visited my future coaches for summer project (shhh...man, am I psyched and scared!), and they measured me up. Because the first day I am with them is June 7th, only 2 days after the 100, and all the numbers will be screwed up with my water retention and elephant apetite. So, to come clean, I am at 19.8% fat (which is exactly where I thought I'd be), and need a good 10 lbs of fat to disappear. Ha! The challenges never end!

I am thrilled to get East in a couple of weeks. While the OD100 course is everything I am NOT (unlike PCT) - dirst roads, wide hills, humidity, low-grade inclines and declines - it is new, and that means I will learn some lessons. I will also have an idea how is the training on 45 mpw affects the completion and performance at a 100:) Hey, there is no failure, only discoveries!

But before I embark on my trip to the town of Woodstock, Larry and I will make a mad dash to Flagstaff, AZ, for a 3-day backpacking trip in the mountians with fresh crisp air and fantastic views.

I'll leave you with a full article (long, I know, I had shortened it just for the blog though) that I mentioned a month ago, which was written for the local Run Texas magazine. You don't have to read it, you know it all already:)

I’ve never officially been a runner when I was a kid, but I sure was active. Having a REAL Phys Ed class back in Soviet times was really helpful – at which I always excelled. But all good times come to an end (insert a smart remark here), and in September 1993 I moved to the U.S. to work in the bio-medical research field. It wasn’t easy to get going with no English, friends, or family, but as I said, obstacles are what make us stronger – and more successful. Two kids down the road, I managed to enter 1996 at 184 lbs, and that picture scared the hell out of me. So, I joined a gym and began a path to a transformation…

In 2001 my co-worker signed me up for a Mother’s Day 5k. At that time I was relatively slim, had 2 years of martial arts under my belt (which, actually, happened to break my back--literally) and on occasion as part of my exercise routine jogged a mile in 10 min. I figured I have nothing to lose by trying…I finished my first 5k run, the longest I’ve ever done running, in 27 minutes, and the monster was born. Living in NYC at the time meant there is a race every weekend, and this is where you could find me – and by August, 3 months later, I ran a half-marathon. Another year and some 50 races later I joined a great group of marathoners, ran a 50km, ran a 50km on a trail – and never looked back. Because out “there” I had discovered that I am really good on trails, where the path is a single-track, narrow and twisted, where the mountains are looming and you’re going either up or down, and where the vistas take your breath away. To this date (April 1st, 2011) I have run 76 ultramarathons (16 of which are 100M races), 2 trail marathons, 16 road marathons and somewhere over 150 total of shorter distance races.

Why? It’s the feeling. The emotions that trails produce. The lightness of the feet slightly touching the ground. The twisting turns. The red-lining of breathing trying to make it up a steep hill or a mountain. The absolutely freeing feeling as you blast down, float over the earth, reckless with abandonment, eyes glued to the ground under your feet, hair standing up. And the feeling of being strong, able, capable of anything in this world. Of making it close to the “real life”, how our ancestors were. Because when you are out there, nothing else matters – worries, work, traffic, problems…it’s only you and the trail. One foot-fall after another. One breath. One sip of water. One thought. No thoughts at all. Primal, pure, simple. Best ever…And then there are views. You run through the forest surrounded by trees and suddenly you pop out into the open – and here is your vista, your church, your religion. There is nothing better a human made than what is given to us by Nature – and being able to run long distances is the best gift I gave myself to allow to see all of it.

There are few races I think of if you ask me which ones are best. Zane Grey 50M circa 2006 was one of the prime examples, as well as Miwok 100km in 2005 (I ran both of these races 3 times each, so yes, you can say they fall into the “favorite” category). But I also have stories that combine good runs with funny memories. Like at Western States 100M in 2005, which I started 2 weeks after racing in a 58M run. Making it to 30M on the 30-hr finish cut off time, I just kept picking up speed – and time. By mile 68 I was close to touch a 25hr time frame, and reaching the American River at 78M on a 24hr pace – and then my intestines decided to disagree. I don’t think anyone likes to read words “explosive diarrhea”, especially picturing a runner at mile 80, with 20 to go, in the mountains, on steep slopes, poison ivy instead of a toilet paper, and fighting for a top 10 position. Yes, I got that all, but the bond I share with my pacer from that run is very special.

There are couple of things I am known for: I get lost very easily when I run on trails (simply because I “check out” and fully submerge into my experience) and that I am a “second half runner”, which means at any distance of the race I am perfectly fine letting folks go ahead, and I just run joyfully, chat with everyone willing to listen, enjoy views and surroundings and care less about the world (or race) out there. Once the half-way point comes, and the miles “roll backwards” (my own definition), there is no stopping me. It’s not that I speed up; I just don’t fade as much as many others do. I call it “one gear”. And that gear is “tough”.

On the training front, there is no magic. Hard work is the only thing that ever allowed real people to reach real goals. At some time a few years back, I was able to train by combining all the best methods together – high volume and high quality. Then for various reasons one year, “quality” had to go, but volume stayed (and was saving me from the possibility of a depression). Then it was time to bring some serious work back – but I met time constraints, and at this time it’s all about quality, not quantity. And you know, coming from a regular 100 mile a week runner, getting back to 40 works just as well – as long as you’re willing to put an effort into those miles!

Thankfully, my body handles all of it just fine – although I have to add that I have had every running injury in the book, but that is simply due to unwillingness to ever back off the intensity of my training. I have run through numerous stress fractures (including hip), torn ligaments and tendons, blown muscles and with my ankle in a cast. Why? Because I LOVE IT SO MUCH!

I don’t use any mantras when I run, I just tell myself to “suck it up and move it…there are no excuses in life”. I am pretty brutal when it comes to judging myself, and I don’t sugar-coat anything. It’s just the way it is.

I want to leave you with couple of personal stories that actually lead to an answer about how I ended up in Austin.

In the spring of 2008 I signed up for a Jemez 50M race in New Mexico, and happened to bump into Larry King, whom I had “met” through the power of the internet and blogging. At the time we both just recently got divorced, I lived in Portland, OR, and he – in Austin, TX. We shook hands and left for the night. Race morning came, and as usual, half the field was ahead of me. Shortly past mile 30 (also, as usual), I was working my way through the field, and as I turn the corner, I see Larry. Now, we already had the same thing happen to us at Zane Grey 50M a year before, and I beat him by 2 hrs. So, without a single thought, I yelled out “Don’t let it happen again!” and together we went. We spent the next 10 miles navigating the course, getting lost 4 times, taking tons of pictures, sharing insights on life and marriage and kids, laughing about running stories – and childhood stories. Well, he did ditch me for the last 10, looking scared (I guess he didn’t want the repeat of a previous year), but the spark we had in our glycogen-depleted brains under the pure bliss of endorphins on that run led to our 2,000-mile-away dating year ending with a proposal – and him pacing me at Hardrock 100M. Now, if there is anything you need to know about Hardrock, it is the most grueling race in the San Juan mountains in CO with 33,000 feet of climb (and same amount of descent) and at an average of 11,000 feet altitude, going over 13,000 feet 13 times. Due to that “dating” schedule and demands of the life of a single mother, I wasn’t training to the extreme, but big problems avoided I knew I could finish. Larry was to start pacing me at mile 54. We met the second sunrise, got over lots more peaks, enjoyed the views, battled the downtimes and pains, laughed, cried, cursed…Bear in mind, at that time Larry has never done anything that lasted over 19 hours, the time he ran his first 100M in, and we were way past that, at high altitude, second night on no sleep. We got hit by a huge thunder and lightning at mile 94 on a 13,000 ridge, where we got on our hands and knees and prayed to be alive, and then the freezing rain and hail started pounding. Wearing shorts and a light windbreaker on top of a sleeveless shirt is not something you meet 30F in the mountains, and I was quickly descending into hypothermia. We managed to not get killed, run into the last AS on the other side of the ridge and spend 30 minutes (I know, who does that? But with my hypothyroid low body temps could send me to sub-coma easily) by the fire, and then took off for the last 6 miles. Downhill. On rocks. On the edge of the mountain. In the dark. With 44 hours on our feet…I smelled the barn, I could basically see the finish line, but Larry was falling asleep, weaving and slow. I had a decision to make: do I push on, leave him behind and make some certain arbitrary time goal, or do I stick with the man I love and whom I plan to spend the rest of my life with? It was clear to me, despite the state I was in, which one to pick. We crossed the finish line in 46 hrs 9 min, and 3 weeks later I was driving my Honda Civic packed with my younger son, our cat and our belongings…The moral of the story? Always know what’s important to you. Goals have to align with your soul. Once they do – go for it!

San Diego running presents...

2011-05-15T23:38:00.015-05:00

PCT 50M race. 100% single track. Mountains. Long climbs and long descents, 7500 feet of each of those. Wild flowers. Thin dry air. Back flashes down memory line. Larry with me whole weekend. Lots of sun. Great people...It was a weekend to stand out for sure...The truth is, this was the most perfect weekend in every and any way you could possibly imagine, and I don't even know where to begin. Pardon my random rambling...

As I was hugging the RD John "El Cubano" Martinez at the finish line, grinning ear to ear, I kept repeating "South California always treats me nice". And it does. In 2005 I won and set a CR at SD100. In 2007 I came back to crew and pace my friend Adrien to a heck of a 100M finish. In 2008, while I DNF'ed at Angeles Crest 100 due to a hip stress fracture, I made a clear mind decision to move to TX to be with Larry. Then last year I had a perfect race at Leona Divie 50M. Later same year I was back to have a great time at SD100, and even though that particular race wasn't all that great, the day worth running at these mountains was awesome nevertheless.

I was rocking it. I was rocking this weekend from the moment the plan of it had started to emerge. Some time few months ago Larry and I figured it would be nice to pick a race out of TX we can go together to. I scouted, and pointed at SD 50. Don't ask me how, I just did. My nicest friend Eman agreed to watch after Stephen. I booked pretty cheap tickets and we got a motel practically next to the start, which was also next to a family diner (a-la 50's style) we had late lunch/dinner at and to the grocery store where we bought a pint of ice cream, which we ate the night before. We arrived early, we picked the car, we drove fast, we had crap load of time to go on the course and check it out - oh, my, it was beautiful!!!

A couple of weeks before Larry created a race profile. I taught him to have a race profile and a pace chart taped to his water bottles, ever since he first met me back at Jemez 50 - exactly 3 years ago...yes, lots of anniversaries on this weekend too, besides this, 1 year since our last trip for a race together (MMT100) and 10 years since my very first 5k race, which got me so hooked...but I digress. PCT50 didn't have a profile on the website, so Larry compiled his knowledge of maps and made one himself. And then figured his paces. The night before he asked me if I want to look and adjust mine - I was busy cooking dinner. So, I looked over the shoulder and threw some times to AS, fairly approximately. "How about on the way back?" he asked. "Whatever, same would work, add a couple of 5 minutes extra". As I told at the Hill Country runner's meeting that Tuesday, my plan was simple: 4:45 out, 5 hrs back. The family wage was on too! I was to finish no more than 45 minutes behind Larry. I actually had no clue what his time goal was:)

It is nice to fly West for a race. We gain 2 hrs of sleep, so by the time alarm went off at 4 am, we basically felt like we overslept. 1 drop bag at mile 22.5 (same as 27.5), the rest of the gels stuffed into skirt pockets and bottle pockets (24 total), 2 water bottles, 10 S! caps, 3 NUUN tablets, 6 Ibuprofen. What else does a woman need when running 50 miles? We went off exactly at 6 am and for the first time in a long time, my watch actually showed 6:00. That's weird:)

We climbed from the start. I jogged a mile, then went into powerwalking mode. Methodically, with short shuffles, letting people pass, rocking my music softly on a background. I don't listen to music very loud. They sing in English, I have also some Danish hits, and a few Russian songs. I've had same music for years, only this past week adding 2 more songs, and I hardly understand words of 80% of the songs (in any language), so it's a background, that's why it's never loud. Just tunes, whatever they sing:) It is already light out, but as we ascend, higher and higher with every step, we pop above the morning fog and the clouds - and it is WOW, really. We are running on a narrow single track carved on a side of a mountain, above the clouds, surrounded by smells and views of wild flowers blooming and by peaks of other mountains beyond the clouds. I let out a yelp. I laugh. I don't think I had been that high emotionally in a long time. Total complete utter happiness. Soon the sun rises and blinds me as we run East, and I have to drop my eyes down to be able to see at least a foot ahead. WOW. This is so worth the trip already...

I don't know anyone, and as I run, I don't care of my location in the field, but then again, I hardly ever do. Not in the first half anyway. I am having flashbacks into 2005 and SD100, which I did with my ever-best running partner and friend Gail and one crazy guy who agreed to help, David, and this 50 miler is run on the same course (the other two 100M races I had been to were on other variations of the trails). Funny, it's like body memory. Almost down to the step. We reach first AS, I look at my watch, and I am, like, to the second. 1:14, fill bottles, out to climb more, on the rockiest part of the trail.

I remember these rocks, I even remember how I described them to Ronda (who in a year of 2006 broke my CR at SD100, ha!), and I remember this relentless climb. I become a metronome. I powerhike. "I was born to powerhike" - is my mantra. Utilize, capitalize. These two weird words follow me through the whole race. I am capitalizing on my ability to hike without been winded or tired, never even take an extra breath. A handful of guys jog pass me, but at the same time I had out-walked a handful of others. May be some of them are early starters. I am happy, singing along with my tunes and rocking my surroundings. I am spot on a gel per 25 minutes, an S! cap an hour, and drinking. The only thing that remotely bothers me is my heel spur, which I never resolved after I treated the PF back in January, so I get "snarly" and wonder if this is a good time to learn how to run "forefoot striking". Kidding. I am in a camp which says whatever running gait you are born with - stay with it, don't change. The pain is rather bad, but I promise myself Ibuprofen 3 hrs in and put it out of my mind.

We get to the next AS, and I hit my 1:30 split like I was born to do so. I laugh.Next section is short, and it goes in a cover of trees. How did this knowledge suddenly popped into my mind? I don't know, but this is exactly how it is. A nice smooth single track under tall trees the whole time, gently rolling up and down. I stop to pee, spook a girl behind (I don't move far away for such a small task) and pick up the pace again ever so slightly. Is this happy feeling planning to end any time soon?

Dale's kitchen has a small spur down to AS, and I reach it in 45 min. I don't know what time it is, when I race I only look at the "minute" part of the watch, so I can be gel-ready and on a lookout for an AS. A volunteer asks me if I want ice in my bottles, and I say "only if fast". Seems that there was a line for ice, so I grab my stuff and get out. I am like that, if it takes more than a minute - it is not needed. A few guys yell out my name as they leave, and I "pick them up" on a next downhill. I apologize as I move by, and make sure to ask how we know each other. Steve readily recites: LD50 last 2 sections, SD100 first 2 sections, I was the guy taking care of my feet at an AS...I remember! Have fun! I was born to run downhill! Thus I have a new mantra. I can't help it. I am a downhiller. I don't speed up, and I don't put any effort. I glide over the trail. I leap. I let it flow. I am super-naturally happy.

We cross a small wooden bridge, and I remember how in 2005 I had stomach issues here, Gail met me just off the highway, I whined, and she told me to switch to ice and water only. The trick I use ever since - and tell everyone. It works. It is not an AS yet, it's about a mile and half of practically flat terrain, which I dislike strongly, but I run. I was not born to run, that's for sure, but it's a running race, so nobody gives me an excuse for that:) Graham Cooper runs towards me. Yowser! Is he that fast or am I that slow? Apparently, I had no clue which mile I am at. Really. Honest to God. I also realize I am out of gels and am very surprised. I had calculated meticulously - every 25 min on the way out, every 20 min on the way back, 2 gels from an AS table for a short out-n-back section to the turn-around. When I arrive at AS, fill my bottles and grab gels from them, and leave, they shove me a card (playing card). That was to be what each runner has to drop inside a box at the turn-around 2.5M down the trail, in the middle of nowhere. I am at Penny Pines? You mean I am at mile 22.5?? You just made my day! If you thought I was crazy happy before, realizing I am about 5 miles further than where I thought I was just sent me sky-rocketing. I am rocking it!

Someone says I am 2nd gal, someone else says I am 4th. I don't care but do look who comes back from the trail as I am heading out. After a few I lost count. The race had an early start. Everybody looks strong. How do I know? Why would I care? I only know I am running behind a girl wearing a scarf Russian style, and I am liking her, this tiny little woman. I see Larry coming back and scream "Hey, baby!" and stop for a kiss. He didn't look that good here, and I worry, but don't let it bother me. He is running his race, I am running mine. And I am rocking it.

As we approach turn-around, (just a chalk arrow and a box), exactly at 4:47 into the run, the "Russian scarf girl" stops and asks "Are you Olga?". While we chat I almost forget to drop my card - but I don't. She is Iris from Calgary, and is a friend of Leslie from Banff whom I know (virtually), so we are thrilled about this! As we talk, I slowly pull away without noticing, because I am so damn happy. I am dancing (imagine how it looks when you don't hear the music I have in my headphones), I am yelling insanities and as I pass guys on the hills ("Com'n, folks, stay with me!"), I can't wipe smile off my face. As I enter back Penny Pines, one of my newest additions, J Lo's "On the floor", came up on tunes - and I turned the volume all the way up. I had never done it so loud! But I was rocking this song, my mood, the mountains, and the people. I got my drop bag, and as I drink my V8 juice, I keep dancing, then tell the girl getting my bottles filled (yelling over the loud music in my ears) "Isn't J Lo hot?". Hopefully the runner's crew friends didn't call mental institution. 2 minutes here, my longest stop for the day. I stuffed the gels into pockets (which was a few too many, and my skirt kept riding down on me) and jumped out of the gates.

I need to ride this happiness, I decided. Not push up, not speed up, just cherish this feeling. I hit a small pocket of a "low", one and only in the whole day, and I shook it off. It was hot, low 70's, high and dry, completely open to the burning sun, I was drinking every drop, and I was running. Unbelievable. Back to Todd's cabin on the spur, I see a girl coming out of AS. I get down, wait for my bottles, and a runner say "Hey, Olga, I don't know if you are racing, but there was a girl just leaving...". I exclaim "I am now!" and everyone laughs. I get out, but pull a notch back in my effort and settle in. It is 18 miles to the end, too early to race somebody's race, and I bet the girl is going to make a mistake (she had that look) - she will decide to put a distance on me and will exert herself. If I do my own thing, I will be where I have to be...

I run and hike next section very mellow, just riding what the course dictates. I see the girl as we enter the AS. Another volunteer asks me questions if I am coming back to SD100, I am telling him about my plans for OD100 - and take off, passing the gal (and a handfull of guys) behind at the AS. Only one man gets by and dissapears. A few hikers come towards (there are lots of them all day long, every one of them nice and chatty and polite), and they are showing me 2 fingers and saying "go get it". Am I second? 2 more ahead? It sounded like there was a female close, and I strain my eyes to look on the hillside ahead - and don't see anyone. I tell myself to calm down one more time. Run your own race, honey.

There is a pretty substential climb here, and I suddenly feel at first a cramp coming, and then my right calf tightens and cramps, sending wave to my hamstring and to my butt. Left side joins. Ouch! It somehow doesn't scare me. More like - really, both sides, full leg cramp? For the most part it becomes dull, and only siezes when I eaither jump over a rock, or step off a ledge sharply, and I, for some reason, play my medical profession and picture muscles and tendons and "yo, here is the origin of a lateral head of bicep femoris, ai, here is soleus...". I drop my emergency NUUN tablet into one of the bottles and sip on both water and NUUN (latest studies proved that cramps develop more of dehydration than of salt depletion). Despite that whacko developing, I am still happy - and still running. My legs, muscles in them anyway, feel great. I surprise myself how much of that flat ridge is runnable - to me! - that late in a race! May be I was born to run after all? Then, a heaven, a downhill, long strong downhill. I was born to run down - I enter last AS, Fred Canyon.

A woman runs to me and asks "Are you Olga?" Well, yes, I am. "Your husband said you'd want ice and water and you'd want it fast and furious!". Well, yes, indeed, thank you. I laugh. This is so awesome. Can you freakin' believe it? They fill my bottles "per request" as I swallow my gel - I also caught another handfull of guys here, and I get out before they blink. And catch that man who passed me at the last AS. Aha, here is a lesson, buddy. Nobody passes me in the last thrid of the race without consequences:)

I am still cramping wildly the whole backs of my legs, and still running, not crazy fast, but steady. I make a (second for the race) pit stop, and hug the steep slope of a mountain, on a narrow trail, with a steep drop on my left, eyes glued to the single track. Suddenly a voice says something, and I flip - look ahead (nothing), look behind (nothing), the voice says something again, I make a head turn up over the shoulder - there is a dude hanging on a tree above the trail taking photos. Really? I almost fell off the cliff for you? I laugh and go on. I remember this section so well, from 2005, before the asphalt road, how I screamed in desperation here in the middle of the night, and there are only 4 miles left after that today...

There are not all down, those last 4, and I allow myself to walk some inclines, and even some parts of flats. I do simple math and think: 9:35, and I will be at even split. This is awesome! Can I smile even more? Here is a rock 1.5M from the finish line, Larry and I hiked up here yesterday, I am 9:15 in. Here I can see the highway I need to cross under. I push the button and find "Eye of the tiger" song. I never skip my music. I feel the need now. Can I beat 9:30? Under the highway. It's 9:27. May be not...Skip button. Find Eminem's "Not afraid" now, quickly! My other newest addition! I am rocking it, I see the finish line, I see Larry running frantically to take a picture of me, and I am running right past the dudes with the clock with my Longhorn fists up! And I keep dancing, music blaring. I am not afraid! I don't want it to stop, none of it! I bet folks thought I was obnoxious. I was simply thrilled. 9:29. 5 minutes negative splits. And I am still rocking it!

But wait! A man turns to me and says I am first woman. Really? You are joking, right? He shakes head. I turn to Larry - is he serious? Yes, indeed. I am in utter disbelief. Really? Can this day get any better?

Larry ran an amazingly smart race. He took it easy first half, never played testosteron games, ate and hydrated, and chased a bunch of guys down in second half. Only in the last 15 miles did he face the demons with stomach distress, which prevented him to "capitalize" on the downhills, yet he never gave up and placed 9th overall. He finished in 9:05 - which means the family wage win is still mine! Just kidding. The sweetest thing was that his stop for a bit at the last AS when he told volunteers I will need help very fast ("unlike me" were his words) and he also told them I will most likely be the first female. I guess my husband has more faight in me than I do:)

The great times didn't end, and the luck never stopped. We drove back to San Diego and got a room in downtomw Hilton - for $94, while still wearing race clothes, having salt all over my face, pigtails in my hair and dirty legs. A great treat! I promised to clean up nicely. We ate at Pei Wei and my fortune cookie read "This week your lucky day is Saturday. Enjoy the fun" No kidding, heh? We slept in - and had a huge breakfast at a diner at 6am. We slept some more. We ate more - like 20 lbs of food. We flew back with no hussle. Stephen was great. Life was beautiful. I am going to miss this weekend:)

About the course: it was marked immaculately, and hard to get lost when running PCT all the way. It suits all my strengths. I haven't been to the mountains since last Tahoe race in July, and I missed it so dearly. I love mountains. The attitude and mood I had was a clear indication of where I belong. I didn't need to force anything onto myself. Everything was clicking. The whole time I couldn't believe how far I was, it felt I just set out for a morning jog. By the time I was leaving last AS it was still not any close to what I experience when I run here, in TX. My legs are not sore, and while I am going to loose a few toenails (I always do, having to do with my "special" downhill running, and I don't care), and my foot has a pretty big bruise due to the heel spur, there are no blisters (thanks, Drymax!) and no foot issues (thanks, Crosslites!). I need to email Powergel company to get them sponsor me - love this gel, never an issue with a stomach! I wore Tejas Trail shirt - it was light, cute, had a pocket on the back for empty garbage, and I felt an urge to represent my home state. I may complain about living here, but I am Texan, damn it, for now anyway, and we can still run! I sure hope I did:)

Last training week for the season?

2011-05-04T09:25:00.005-05:00

I am torn between being excited I am practically done with structured training for races - and sad at the same time. It is always a weird feeling. Structure defines me in my daily life. I need a goal, a plan, an attitude that I can do it, and I am good to go. It is safe for me, to have a routine. I turn to it (routine and structure) when things go sideways and I am facing difficulties in any way, shape or form. That's why taking time off after a season had always been a problem for me. Heck, taking time off and laying on the beach for a day is a problem for me! But after a break-down last year, I decided I'll build in a break before it catches up to me. Interestingly, I feel it was a perfect timing, as it IS catching up. I can blame the general business, but I am never NOT busy - this is just a lifestyle I long for, operate best in, ever since I was a teenager (simply don't remember much from before in terms of routine). If I don't wake up in the morning and instead of heading out the door get (much needed) extra hour of sleep - my whole day feels like it's going to garbage. So I wake up. And within first 5 minutes of activity I am happy I did...

RRCA was awesome. A weekend of 8 hrs a day to be with like-minded individuals and talk running is almost as heavenly wonderful as running 8 hrs a day itself:) 99% of information was known - and 80% of information was already used by me, but it is always, always good to have reminders, and the woman who lead a seminar was delightful in her speaking ability. I do have to say that by Sunday now I was pretty exhausted and collapsed once home (which lasted for all of 10 minutes before I had to get back into chores of life). There is so much to do, so so many opportunities and possibilities!

Speaking of built-in break and the safety of routines, I visited Coach Mo and his partner Coach Drew. You know what happened within 2 minutes of conversation? Mo worked with Joe Prusaitis and his groups a few years back! You'd think our small pond of ultrarunners and their small pond of body builders have nothing in common - but here you go, crossing paths, sharing love for fitness and for helping others figure it out. Both Joe and Mo spoke highly of each other and Mo got a boost in my eyes as a coach. Connections are like that:) I am scared of what lies ahead and excited to test my own limits in such a new way.

In a meantime, it's still training. Checked off mile repeats last week, 1200's this week, Larry and I put a long run in on Friday at 3:30am - yes, you read it right, with a weekend overbooked, you do what you've got to do. While I ran covering ground in a neighborhood, he ventured to State Capitol, leaving me salivating over a picture he texted. Next time, I am in to see this beauty in a nightlight! It's been a cold front here, in Austin, and I enjoyed (LOVED!) some 50's for the day - and 40's for the eerie morning hours. A couple of workouts, a couple of easy runs - and off to San Diego, on a single track of PCT, to be free for some 10 hrs of running through wonderful views with awesome people...Short recovery, backpacking trip to AZ - and taper for OD100. Told ya, my training is nearing its end...my life, though, never stops.

A teaser of what Texas is...at times and in places:)

Bryon Powell book promo

2011-04-29T14:09:00.000-05:00

from Olga: Bryon, a.k.a. a Trail Goat, is a long term good friend of mine, and while I haven't read the book (yet, anyway), I trust he's done an awesome job on compiling the knowledge of his own and all of us, ultrarunners, combined. Thus, my endorsement is genuine, and I get no benefits from it.

Bryon Powell:
Dear friends,

We’re all part of the running community that greatly adds to our enjoyment of running. While those of us who’ve discovered ultramarathons have been able to learn from those around us, there’s yet to be a comprehensive guide to training and racing ultramarathons to fill our community’s need. That’s why I’ve spent the past year and a half working on Relentless Forward Progress: A Guide to Running Ultramarathons. More than a dozen others, who represent the top ultrarunners and experts, also recognized our community’s need and graciously contributed to make book as helpful to you and your friends as possible.

By reducing ultrarunning’s steep learning curve, Relentless Forward Progress: A Guide to Running Ultramarathons aims to have you or your friends spending more time enjoying running and its camaraderie and less time suffering unnecessarily. If you want to inspire others in our community of runners who might be looking for a new running challenge or to ease the path of those who have already started their ultramarathon journey, please get the word out about this book.

Here are some easy ways to enjoy the book as well as to help other runners learn of this new resource:

Order Relentless Forward Progress: A Guide to Running Ultramarathons today. (Go nuts and order a copy to help a friend!) Know that a big surge of initial orders will catch the eyes of both bookstores and the media, which will help give even more runners access to the book.

Mention the book on Facebook or Twitter.

If you have a blog, write a post about Relentless Forward Progress: A Guide to Running Ultramarathons.

I’m so thankful to have the running community be such a big part of my life. Today is the book's official launch day and it's one of my happiest days in that this once in a lifetime accomplishment (or least one that feels that way) is something that benefits our tribe. It’s my hope that you’ll pass this news along to anyone you think would benefit from the book. Please let me know if there’s any thing I can do to help you or those you care about.

Happy trails,

Bryon

Ps. Keep running. You’re awesome!

Bryon Powell

Editor-in-Chief, iRunFar
Author, Relentless Forward Progress: A Guide to Running Ultramarathons

Life at full force.

2011-04-23T21:06:00.005-05:00

Just because most of us don't break Fastest Known Times on any trails (for example, like Krissy and Devon did with R2R2R, and you should definitely go read their account on it!), doesn't mean life stays still. Although, comparing to these feats, or Zion crossing, or Zane Grey race, or so many other things...well, lets not get sobby here and just try and squeeze out of what we have every drop of fun, busy-ness and positive fulfillness. Every day, we continue to make choices - and then make sure that stranger we face in the mirror (occasionally for some of us, more often for others) will look straight back at us and not turn eyes away.

I took 3 full days off after Oregon trip. That's in terms of training. I wasn't sore, but I needed a mental break and to recoup. Thursday, I went for a run...and things came full circle. My business is flourishing, probably due to the spring time, when first of all we all want to take better care of ourselves, and secondly, it is a midst of the running season, and muscles need TLC and injuries need healing and we are so much more aware of where we are...I am loving it and getting frustrated for not having enough hours in a day. And as usual, when things get tight on time, something has to give - and most often than I want to, it's my yoga practice, what I call "my time for me". I am sad, but for the past month I could only practise once a week. Summer, I tell myself, once my first-half-of-the-year racing is over, I will be back. I am just so afraid to loose hard earned results.

Hoggs Hunt and Rock Climbing

Friday night through Saturday the week before I had 3 boys to entertain - Stephen, Harrison and Hesham, while Larry and Eman were getting ready for Hoggs Hunt races. They all were on their best behavior! I managed to get them up before dawn and shove them in the car before 6 am for a 3 hr drive to Huntsville Park, in time to see Hesham's mom and my best friend Eman finish the 25k in a new PR of 3:02, Larry finish 50k in 4th place in 4:17, and Meredith win 50k for ladies in 4:26. Speedy folks! I - simply had more massages to give:) and take kids (Harrison and Hesham) to run trails on Sunday locally - can't believe I am not finding pictures I took, and I ran them to the ground, and they did awesome!

That following Sunday I had taken a test and had officially become an NCSF Certified Personal Trainer. A passing, again! One more thing for my future "retirement plan" - RRCA weekend to become a Certified Running Coach - is on agenda for the last weekend of April in Austin, and I am so dreaming of all the things I could do! Not to mention, looks like we might have picked the place to do just that - Flagstaff, AZ, and we are going to visit it and do some backpacking and running on Memorial Day weekend.

Anyhow, this past week was my last chance to get some more or less serious miles in, as the following will be intensely occupied with massage clients (after regular job, of course) and that RRCA 8am-5pm Sat-Sun running clinic. So, I begged my body and the clock to let me do that. I killed the gym, ran trails and roads, did a hardest track so far and hardest hill repeats this season, or in Austin, for that matter (is it possible I used to do 2x45min hills back in a days?).

And today Larry and I found a new favorite trail in Austin! We heard of it, we talked of it, we envied those who used it - and now was the day we were able to squeeze it in! It was beautiful, tough, awesome, best built, lots of climb, great quad buster and agility teacher, and at only 6 miles round-trip, it is the best place to go to. And it's called "Staircase"!

Staircase trail

Late afternoon brought us to rock-climbing gym and for me - down memory line. Tomorrow - Bastrop park, 15M, next week more training, last long run, and off to taper for San Diego 50. I am getting excited for it, and weirdly enough, for Old Dominion 100M as well. While there will be no mountains I love (really, hills ain't all that), and lots of dirt road instead of single track, I can't wait for it to come - it is a special challenge, when there is lots of running involved, even more of heat and humidity, old history, local cheer with aid off the back of the truck, few runners and a sweet buckle at the end...

p.s. we are back from the run, and truly, as I say time and again, there is only one muscle that needs exercising - your brain. Running is all mental. You tell yourself to do it, and you do it. Everything in life comes from the head and from the heart, the physical limitations do not exist.

A humbling experience in falling apart gracefully.

2011-04-11T20:34:00.007-05:00

The REAL reason of my visit to PDX

The PNW had THE most beautiful weather I don't remember. From the moment my plane made a wave to Mt. Hood on Friday to the after-race food-eating on Sunday, there was not a drop of rain - and even sun! I couldn't wish for more...or, wait, I could! I spent two full days with Alex! My older son, my one and only, that special person in my life who thought me more lessons than the rest of my life...and I can not even try to rely to you what those couple of days meant to me, and how it was. I wasn't a mom. He was my long-lost old friend. He was me. I know it sounds silly, and he may have acted at times not according to the values, but he's got them - and it was like talking to myself, understanding from half-breath, laughing crazy, punching when saying same things simultaneously, and sharing life - past, present and future. No matter what, somewhere along the way, I raised a son, my son, the way I wanted to. The rest is up to him...

Of course, I visited my friends. I stayed at Anna's first night, ran with Gail in Forest Park next morning and dropped by her family, stayed with Monika and Stan and their kids next night, visited with Oleg and Mara, and it was a whirlpool of emotions - and thus far all positive!

However, it also meant I wasn't eating, or hydrating, or resting. Mike Bushwhacker picked me up at 4am Sunday morning, and we made 3 hr drive down to Sisters, OR, for a Ready to Rumble 40M! And - I wasn't ready:) But seeing all my friends in one place was such a paradise! I heard non-stop "Olga is back, are you moving? how's Texas?" and hugs were numerous. Good thing, because smiles and hugs ended as soon as the race began...

I am officially over raced. Or over trained. Or not taking proper care of myself in-between and pretending to be young and resilient. Some of us get concussions when being stupid, me - I just had to figure out how to run on an empty tank. And it wasn't pretty:)

The first hour and half was ok. Best-kept trails in perfect dry conditions, views that take your breath away, soft dirt single track...I made a wrong turn (of course) with a couple of guys, but we were yelled at and retraced back in a minute. And right after that I deflated. Like - puff, and no air inside my tires. Nothing hurts, I am still running, but kind of, well, I don't even know how to explain. And the train of passing people began...crazy long train, when everyone and their mother passed me. Thank God there was a loop with out-n-back when the whole race, seems like, cheered me on, and I did so back. At least that 45 min was fun:) Then I was alternating between getting into sour mood and snapping myself back to life by telling not to pay attention and do the best I can and never give up. That continued all the way to the turn where 20 milers and 40M runners split - and I had to bargain to continue of least favorite 6 mile climb on a red-gravel-dust road. At least it wasn't beating sunny like 3 years ago! When I reached Curt and his AS at mile 30, he later was saying I felt like a big black cloud. I barked something at him, and he stepped away...far away (didn't help I was out of water or gels for the last hour and haven't pee'd the whole race). But - I had 10 miles left, and I was mad. Angry, disgusted with myself, stupefyingly mad, and I took off. Gotta be honest - 70% of last 10 miles are single-track twisted downhill, my all-time best running grounds. I was fuming, and I was running. And I actually was passing. Not "excuse me, may I" passing, but basically elbowing and flying by. When last AS where Amy, Darla and Chris were, came at mile 35, and they wanted to hug me, my only thought was I will break apart, cry in their shoulders and will not be able to run strong. So I pushed them away. Literally. And ran like mad again...

Photo curtesy Cheri Redwine

Well, I surpassed my goal by a good measure (6:52), but the course is quite easy, and so did 3/4 of the field (actually, I have no clue about results). I bet there were 2 dozens of girls ahead of me, and it was nuts. Told you, Oregon breads runners. Real runners. Welcome back to the world:)

Sean Meissner, of course, made up for me a "first Russian", and even "first Texan". And the middle school had hot showers. And as always, Drymax socks and Crosslites (LaSportiva) rocked out on my feet! And since I finished a full hour earlier, we didn't need to speed up, and I spent some time socializing. And then it was back to Portland - airport - red eye - back to work. And thus the life goes on. There are ups, and there are downs. Otherwise, we wouldn't know how to be alive.

p.s. turned out life is not as bad as I thought - I was 10th female, so I did crack the top 10! Just kidding:)

RESULTS

Interviews and sponsors.

2011-04-05T13:43:00.001-05:00

I had been interviewed by a couple of places last week, so check out one of the webistes which already posted my views on Texas running: RunPals.com.

Another story is going to be in May issue of Inside Texas Running (website and magazine) per Joe Prusaitis request (from Tejas Trails). I'll let you know now that I shared I used to be 184 lbs, what I love to run and why, what my favorite gear is (LaSportiva and Drymax!), who my real-life inspirations are and a couple of stories my readers are familiar with but which have quite a place in my memory lane.

Also, a shout out that Wasatch Goat Team is alive, their website is revived, and we are going strong on our 4th year! The affiliation of the team with best companies we love and support (and you know me, I never brag unless I believe) continues! Since inception, we have our main sponsor La Sportiva shoes with many varieties for all kinds of terrain (and they have a blog as well), we have Drymax to keep our feet happy, Patagonia to provide us with this year's "skins", First Endurance for fueling and Backcountry.com for general outdoor stuff discount.